Diplomacy

[Wendy Howard]

Hi Charlotte

You wrote:
this

That's certainly true!! And yes, there have been some right royal spats on
other lists I subscribe to. I will say this though. I think you're very
right about being diplomatic and respectful, but there is a healthy balance
to be achieved here. IMO we shouldn't ignore the learning opportunities that
are presented to us by the things that push our buttons either. I have to
say that I have probably learned far more about what it really means to be
an unprejudiced observer from such instances than from all the diplomatic
conversation in the world.

There is a man on one of the other lists I subscribe to who has a tendency
to be rather blunt in expressing his opinions (I'm sure many here will know
who I'm talking about!!). To him it's frankness and honesty. To some others
it's downright rudeness. I was part of this latter group to begin with. He
really pushed my buttons bigtime - I sent him many offlist mails trying to
convince him that the respectful approach was far better. He just
(metaphorically) shrugged his shoulders and said he is what he is. Then it
hit me - my intolerance of his intolerance made me every bit as intolerant
as him, and that by trying to coerce him into changing his ways, I was
making him responsible for my intolerance. I have thanked him privately and
publicly for this wonderful lesson. I still challenge his opinions from time
to time, but now it's an enjoyable exchange with a lot of humour and even
affection involved.

If I'd succeeded in getting him to moderate his language, I'd never have
learned about my own intolerance. And intolerance is intolerance is
intolerance and is no less intolerant for being politically correct. As your
teacher rightly said, "There is something to learn from everyone -- this is
the mystery of humility."

Kind regards
Wendy

[john twigg]

Hello Wendy,

Would you please list me the other groups that you refer to - I would like
to consider more groups - but only if I'm able to find the time.

Thank you - John
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