spiritual parenting

[Roger B]

Since my two children are wonderful beyond words, and I mean that literally and truly and actually, I feel that I have something to say. My wife had no choice but to think, speak, and act from the heart since that is where she lives. And I knew that I didn't know squat about parenting, so I tried to base my parenting upon spiritual principles. So I will list some of the things that we did.

1. My children LIVED on my wife's chest for the first 3 or 4 months of their lives. My sweet wife simply could not stand the thought of being any other way. Since I was a humble ignoramus, and I believed in love and affection, I didn't have any problem with it and I supported it. But it didn't matter; my wife would have removed my 'nads if I had opposed it.

2. Katrina came out with a temperature of 102.5 because her mother had a temperature of 102.5 because of the epidural. I followed my baby around the hospital with a big chip on my should and made sure that they did not give her an antibiotic. Somehow I got a hold of some homeopathy (I don't remember how I got the homeopathy or what it was. It was 22 years, 3 months, and 13 days ago.) Of course, the staff looked at me like I was mentally ill, but I got away with it and to hell with them.

2. I would often say sweet everythings into my children's ears while they slept. My thinking was that they were most impressionable while they slept. I would sweetly say things like "Daddy loves his precious darling princess." To make love conditional when children are very young is sick and too harsh. As they get older, conditionality should be introduced gradually, until they get to high school when you tell them things like, "Perform well or you will be miserable and fail at life."

3. I used to tell them stories about the Warrior Princess (or Warrior Prince). And, of course, the stories were shamelessly spiritually and morally oriented. But they didn't care. Even today my daughter loves to remember about those stories.

4. They did not watch television until they were at least 4 years old, and if I could have resisted, I would have kept them away from the TV for a lot longer. And, of course, people thought that I was mentally ill for doing that.

5. I suffered from anger, rage, and irritability in those years. That will be my greatest regret in life, but I would not hesitate to apologize. I think that my apologizing helped them to not be injured emotionally because of my anger.

6. We showered them with love and affection. You can tell when they have gotten enough love and affection when they try to avoid you when they see it coming. They ALWAYS wanted to please us. I really NEVER had to raise my voice. I am a lucky guy to have such sweet and wonderful children. The only problem that we ever had was me and my horrid anger. I even cursed out two Colorado Springs policemen once. And I can tell you that it was not a mild curse out; it was a raging, maniacal curse out at full volume. It was a good thing that I did not live in Chicago or else I would have needed extensive dental work. I was always the only problem. My children have never been a problem.

7. We slept with our children for a long time. I think that Katrina slept with us or her mother for the first 10 years. Mitchell still sleeps with his mother now and then at age 15. Mitchell's attitude is that if his friends don't like it they can stuff it. (Mitchell has quite a few friends who I am very proud of. I learned to hate teenagers as a teenager, but Katrina and Mitchell have taught me that not all teenagers are a$$holes.) Most families who are not westernized sleep together ALL of the time. My wife's family slept together all the time, the whole family. I believe strongly in this. I asked my spiritual mentor Carol Conner of Sufism Re-Oriented about this, and she reassured me that it was normal in 3rd world countries. People in the West have taken individuality far too far. Inayat Khan said that evil is good thing taken too far. We encourage Mitchell to think for himself, but we shower him with hugs and kisses.

8. We read folks tales to them, when I wasn't telling them about the Warrior Prince(ess). But, you see, the Warrior Prince(ess) came from my heart and was a living picture; much better than from a book.

Sincerely,
Roger Bird
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To: minutus@yahoogroups.com
From: minutus@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tue, 18 Nov 2014 09:09:09 +1100
Subject: Re: parenting [was: [Minutus] narcissism

Speaking from experience as well, there was a trend during the late 80s and into the 90s in which child-raising gurus pushed that the child's self-esteem should be protected at all costs - that all correction and discipline should be full of praise, and that the child should be praised endlessly for every minor achievement. Was this a world-wide trend? It did a lot of damage here - lots of spoilt kids who thought it was all about their wonderful selves. The flip side was that it also produced a lot of anxious children who knew they weren't as "wonderful" as people kept telling them and who had no way of getting feedback on what they were truly like.

Fran.
ALWAYS