AIDS PROVING CASES

[completesynthesis]

I hope this is helpful:
------------------------------------------------------------------------

In order to fully understand this remedy and to make it fully useful in practice it is vital that other cured cases are reported and published. If you have any cured cases please let the homoeopathic community know about them through the Cured Symptoms Database.
-
Case 1. Huisha's case
At the time of receiving the case, Huisha was 29 years of age. She was a student of mine in the final year of study. She had been a counsellor for the past four years. She wore a nose ornament, depicting a lizard. At the close of the interview, I asked her why she had chosen to wear a lizard and she replied that she liked the way they move. Her manner of speech was slow, with long gaps between statements, allowing me ample time to record everything verbatim.
This was most unusual, for her usual manner is animated. Her hair was dishevelled, greasy, and her complexion pale.
"Three months ago, a typewriter fell on my head. My homoeopath has prescribed various remedies, such as Arnica, Hypericum and Natrum Muriaticum.
In the past, Natrum Muriaticum was prescribed and it has helped me.
"The typewriter incident feels like a watershed. I felt my head being crushed into my shoulders. My memory has been getting worse. I cannot remember what people tell me and I can't find words. I am not able to work or study. I am getting very anxious about money. I am feeling disempowered.
Childhood
"There was no one to respond to my fears or illnesses. I had to learn to lock everything out. Whenever I felt bad, I would go for a run. I was into athletics.
I always kept moving. It was almost like punishing myself. I still feel like this, 'I will beat this, and then I will be okay; if I keep on going I will be okay.'
"My father sexually abused me from as far back as I can remember. He went on doing it until I left home. My first memory is of being about three and in the bath. My father is jerking off and semen splashes on my face.
"When I am shocked I can feel semen on my face and I feel that others will be able to see it too.
"Often when I wake up, I feel crushed, compressed.
"I can only sleep if I lie with one hand over my heart and one on my throat.
"My mother knew what was going on. She colluded with my father. She had sex with me too. I think of her as a cardboard cutout character. I am revolted by her.
"I had a recurrent dream of being stuck in the birth canal with putrid pus in my nose and throat. Another recurrent dream that I have is of being a foetus,
as though I have been just born and I can see the planet Earth beyond me. It is very beautiful. My umbilicus is cut and I want to tie it but I can't reach it and there is no one to ask for help.
"I was never given guidelines for what was right - only for what was wrong.
Huisha starts crying. She buries her head in her arms as if to protect herself from blows.
"I feel cut off from people. I feel that there is something that I must do but I don't know what it is. I learnt to be careful not to say what I liked, or who I liked. If I named my friends, then I would not be allowed to play with them. At Christmas time, I was told about the presents which they did not get me.
They said that I had not been good enough.
"My mother said that I could only have pocket money if I did X, Y or Z. I still get very anxious about money. I used to steal money from her. I still feel angry and violent about her attitude. When I was 12, and right up to the age of 17, when I left home, I did not talk. I felt that if I did say anything I would fuck up. It was the only power I had, to be silent.
"When I was 8, I developed temporary paralysis of my legs.
"I couldn't move because of the pain in my pelvis and vagina. My mother did not believe that I was ill. She said that I was pretending. A mother is the one you should be able to turn to when you're in trouble!
"I was so frightened of my father that when I heard him coming up the steps to my bedroom I used to shit myself. I still feel that people will smell this on me.
"I used to dream of a river with shit and dead bodies in it. My head was floating in this river. It was alive.
"I used to dream of terrorists.
"I used to be frightened of the dark.
"My father's violence was unpredictable. One day, he would be nice to me and the next he would hit me about the head, in my stomach or on my legs. He used to lock me out of the house whenever he felt like it.
"We moved from country to country many times. My father was very brilliant in his career.
"I was always lonely. It was like concentric rings of isolation.
"I wanted to have a brother or sister. When I asked him why he had never had another child, he replied that he wouldn't make the same mistake twice.
"I used to tell people that I had a twin who had died.
"I had stomach cramps from the age of 8 and ulcers were diagnosed when I was 12. I vomited blood.
"I used to feel, 'what haven't I done, what do I need to do so that they will stop doing this?'
"I do not let up on myself. I am driven by a feeling that I could have done better.
"I can't trust and I am frightened of taking risks.
"I am frightened of rejection and I move away. I feel that I need to protect the people that I like from me, from the horrible things which are inside me.
"My happiest times have been living on my own. The best was when I lived in a tiny cottage in the Scottish mountains completely alone. It was only then that I no longer made searches under my bed and realized that I had been compulsively checking out my bedroom for all of my adult life.
"Wherever I went to live, my father would follow me. He would do or say nothing but would tail me in his car when I cycled into work or he turned up in the restaurant at which I was waitressing. He would just sit there and watch me.
"Last year, I told him that if he continued to follow me I would tell the police. He slapped me around the head so violently that I was concussed, saying
'take that to the police.' I have not seen him since.
"Three months ago, a typewriter fell on my head. Two weeks after the typewriter fell on my head, I was feeling so angry and frustrated that I buried my head in my pillow and growled. Usually I scream my anger into my pillow.
On the basis of the presenting symptoms, the running (her past time and the lizard's mode of escape) and on the understanding that head injuries are part of Huisha's chronic case, I prescribed Helleborous 1M. The constitutional background for this rests on two inner state rubrics: delusion, that she has done wrong and neglected her duty - the message she received and believed to be true, from her father. What Helleborous does not cover, are the feelings of self disgust: shit, semen and the 'feeling that I need to protect the people that I like from me, from the horrible
things which are inside me.'
This state seemed to me, to be best covered by Lac Caninum, the remedy which I later prescribed.
This was the background to the proving and the further and dramatic improvements which Huisha then experienced.
I shall let Huisha's verbatim account (taken from a taped interview) fill in the details. This recording was made four months after the proving in which Huisha participated. It is not in chronological sequence, thus her first statements relate to the proving of the AIDS nosode and Lac Caninum.
"One of the difficulties arising out of the changes since the AIDS proving is that I don't have the same aversion to being touched, so now I have to fill in all the gaps. Before I could switch off in some way. A sexual relationship felt possible, and now it feels not impossible, but it feels that I don't want it, I just want to be held, to feel safe. I have really noticed it, what a difference it makes, just to be held. I think that is the thing that I am really struggling with.
M: How was it before?
"I have always had a feeling that I will contaminate other people and that is why I must stay away from them. And also feeling that I am contaminated.
With the Lac Caninum, it was particularly around my periods and around ovulation that it was heightened, I just needed to wash, the only thing I could do was to sit in the bath, but then I couldn't touch myself, and I would have to look at the wall, it was so bizarre, because I remember sitting in the bath thinking: that's what that thing is where they separate the fingers' and I couldn't let any part of me touch each other and I've got quite a small bath so it was quite difficult, and just feeling so completely disgusting. I couldn't touch myself to wash, I just had to
submerge myself up to my neck.
M: I suggested that you take Lac Caninum 200, which you did.
"And the other thing was that I couldn't sleep. We were talking about how I sleep - one hand on my neck and one hand where my heart is, almost like protecting my chakras, face down. I took the Lac Caninum, and all the stuff that I had around feeling that I had semen on my face and stuff around my mother and oral sex - I had that whole thing going on around my mouth and my face, and couldn't be seen - that initially disappeared and then came back a bit but wasn't as strong as it had been.
M: Helleborous hadn't actually changed this?
"No, the stuff around my head overtook that, because it was physically and mentally disabling. The thing that I use all the time is my head, to think, that is the way I function and that is how I have managed in the world, because I think quite quickly, and suddenly I couldn't do it, it was really freaky for me.
Suddenly I didn't have access to that which guaranteed my safety. The other thing that guaranteed my safety was physical activity and sport and I couldn't do that either, I couldn't climb. I have to be outside and have to be doing something. It was really important and has always been really important, and it is my one escape route, as well, to run, to jump and to rock climb. Immediately after that dose of Helleborous I felt different and could think again. My room-mate at the bed and breakfast commented that I had changed colour from grey to pink and my hair returned to
normal - it had been all matted. It had actually started going grey and in time that changed back to normal.
M: So then, after having had Lac Caninum there was a gap of a couple of months, where things were going well, and then you banged your head again.
The Helleborous state returned, muzzy thinking and inability to express yourself.
"I am always banging my head!
"I gave you another dose of Helleborous 1M. Then we went back to the same symptoms in the bath and the state of self loathing - you phoned me up and said, 'I need another dose of Lac Caninum!' which you had.
Response to the remedy proving
"I think the curative action of the proving (of the AIDS nosode) is that I did have a sense of feeling that I belonged with people that I had never had before,
I had always felt like I was outside and unacceptable, so all the while, whilst I might look like I was part of the group, I actually felt myself on the outside.
I know that lots of people have that, but with me it was very strong. I don't think I ever had any sense of belonging until I did the proving. I was talking about that yesterday, that the one time in my life when I really felt part of a group was that time of the proving.
M: So Lac Caninum took you a little way in this direction, but where it really came together was in the proving.
"Not the same, when I had Lac Caninum, I didn't feel that everybody was looking at me with disgust when I walked down the street. I felt I was entitled to walk down the street, I wasn't feeling that every single person who walked past me felt critical of me or disgusted by me.
M: So when we did the proving in May. What happened?
"When we were sitting, waiting for the effects, I had this vision: I felt that I was in a tank of water, then I realized I was in the sea. I felt very comfortable.
A diver went past, I don't like the noise they make - I find it creepy. I was walking in the water, not swimming. A horse walked past - usually I don't like them, they're unpredictable but I wasn't bothered. There was a dark tunnel and I walked in, a vicious fish just passed me by, no fear attached, no awareness of going anywhere. Suddenly I came out into a bright, bright light, the area was like a dome, of the kind you put over a clock, light was coming through windows in the top. There was a gold coffin and it was at this point that I felt really frightened and anxious,
didn't want to be there, the light felt uncomfortable. The gold coffin in the middle of the room was encrusted with jewels. I climbed into it, pulled the lid down over me, all these jewels and gold coins fell down on top of me. I woke up on a beach, my top half was on the beach while my lower half was a fish with waves lapping over my tail. I felt contented and at peace.
"The night of the proving, I slept really well, like I haven't slept in ages. Very comfortably. I remember my dreams were very colourful, I remember a whole load of flowers. Usually my dreams are very unlike that, basically, very dark, very violent, as if there is something following me, there is blackness and I don't know what is going on. Constant nightmares rather than dreams. The thing that has happened is that the nightmares have completely stopped.
And one more thing that has stopped is of always feeling crushed, like there is a heavy weight and of being sexually tortured in some way.
M: Which nightmares?
"There was one of being a foetus and not being attached and trying to tie my umbilical cord up. I can see the planet earth in the distance, it looks very beautiful. I am this foetus with its torn umbilical cord, and I know that if I tie it up I'll be OK, but I don't have the manual dexterity or the ability to even reach that cord. Then the other one occurs at times in counselling or times where I have disclosed information about my parents and what happened then,
whenever I felt that I'd made myself vulnerable in some way. This was the dream: I walk into the garage and my father is making something, and I say,
'What are you making?' He replies, 'You'll find out soon enough'. Then I walk out, and go for a walk in a field where there is a great big dip like a bowl shape and I get to the top and he's put up a crucifix. The depression is filled with a whole heaving mass of people, everyone I've ever known, like, even walked past in the street. And the people who I know best are in the front row glaring at me. My father pins me up on the crucifix which he has made and rips a foetus out, which he then sews onto my left breast. I don't know how to rescue the baby because he's severed the
umbilical cord. From the point of view of everyone who's looking at me, the message is that what he's doing is appropriate in terms of what I've done. But I don't know what it is that I've done. I've had this nightmare since I was about 10 or 12.
"And the other thing that went after the proving, is a lot of anal bleeding and vaginal pain - which I realize dates back to tearing.
"There's another thing that's changed, which feels new and strange, which is that I feel better in company, whereas before I would always feel bad in company. Now it feels very painful being away from people, being by myself.
"I used to think that I didn't have the language to express 'me', the things that I felt... I didn't have the experience of going to people and saying, well, in fact I do need your help... I do this more easily now... I used to think that I needed to make everyone like me, like if I only did this, maybe people would like me.
"Now, I just think that some people don't like me and it's tough, it's not an issue in the way that it was, that I would be annihilated if somebody didn't like me and I didn't do the right thing, because that might be the one person I needed help from.
M: And hugging, contact?
"I don't throw up when people hug me. It's quite an advantage actually, it's kind of detrimental to relationships! But yes, I used to be very nauseous around touch and my osteopath really noticed it, that she was able to work on me much more. Before I would have a delayed reaction to the session, over time we had found a way of working but I would still vomit afterwards, maybe even a day later.
"I think what is happening is that when I initially did the proving, it was like being given the gift of seeing what is beyond, what it on the other side of all this confusion and terror. Is this what the world can be like? Is this what it's like to be comfortable around people? Over time I feel less comfortable than I did when I actually did the proving, but it is almost like I needed to have that experience, to know it was possible. I don't know how to explain this, but now that I know it is possible to go beyond where I was, to a place which is much more comfortable, it
is almost like I can move back a bit and can make the journey without the aid of the remedy. Knowing that is painful because I can't have it all the time, but if I had that all the time I wouldn't value it in the same way. I wouldn't have the sense of how precious that is to me, to have that experience.
"I feel a bit like a small child. I think before I felt that there was this small child in this adults body, screaming it's head off to be heard. That was one of the things I felt I carried, this giant scream around in me all the time. I don't have that now. I guess it's the difference between vulnerable and open: I feel like a more open small child who will be able to receive and take things whereas before I just felt completely vulnerable, and terrified, making sure that I kept people out, and yet desperately wanting to be in contact with them as well.
-
Case 2.
This prover (of Mariette Honig) was a man in his early fifties. His diary didn't give much information about his state of mind. But he did say that he felt extremely tired every winter and every year he got flu in the Christmas holidays. The proving took place on the 5th of December, so he was already feeling his usual weariness and tiredness.
I knew him to be a hard working man, honest, quite extroverted without ever revealing anything about his own feelings. He liked to play the clown, to keep the atmosphere light. His remarks could be very witty, sometimes a bit coarse. It was obviously an act he needed to hide behind.
His report after the proving:
"I had a wonderful night's sleep. Relaxing dreams (didn't remember what they were). I got up feeling very fit and went for a run in the dunes. I felt wonderful, no tiredness, I am ready to take on the world!
This feeling has stayed with him ever since. Neither the tiredness nor the flu came back. He felt well the following winter too. He says.
"Everything feels more structured, there is plenty of time to do the things I want to do" (the amount of work and study he manages to pack into one day is quite extraordinary).
So he was very happy with the proving and he didn't say much more about it, apart from the occasional remark that he still felt absolutely fine.
It wasn't until two years later, when we talked about the proving again, that he told me that he had been sexually abused in his teenage years. So I asked him if he would be prepared to talk about it.
This is his story.
"I was born during the war and I have always had the impression that my father didn't really want me, as if I was too much. My father used to beat me whenever I ventured to give my opinion about anything, no matter what. My father never gave me any support or encouragement, never came to watch me play football, never took any interest in my results at school. He always said I was good for nothing or he simply pretended that I didn't exist.
"That is why my motto became: 'I'll show you what I can do. I will see this through to the very end.'
And this is what he has done. No job is too hard for him, no request too difficult. He will always work at it until he has mastered it. He runs a successful business and is always ready to take on extra work.
A few years ago he had a nervous breakdown because of financial difficulties, his brothers and sisters all ignored him and he felt very low. What finally lifted him out of his depression was the arrival of a tiny, stray kitten.
"I was at home all day, moping around, and then this little kitten arrived. It kept coming up to me, purring and nudging me and suddenly I felt: I am accepted, I am part of this world again.
Childhood
When he was two years old he had an acute attack of fever in the spring. It started with shivering, then a very high fever and then blisters and ulcers in his mouth. This lasted for several weeks and nobody knew what it was. He got antibiotics and even a blood transfusion, but nothing helped. Finally it cleared up, but it came back every year in the spring until he was 14 years old. Sometimes it was so bad that he was taken to hospital, where he was put into quarantine.
"I had to spend weeks in bed, all alone in a little room, cut off from the rest of the world. My mother would come and see me every day, but my father didn't come once.
At the age of 14 these mysterious attacks of fever and ulcers stopped but he has always felt progressively more tired as the winter wore on. He felt that it took him all summer to store up enough energy again to get through the next winter.
He had difficulty studying at school, (his father didn't help by reminding him every day that he was no good and would never get anywhere in life). Later on he went to boarding school where he was sexually abused by one of the masters during 'extra lessons'. This went on till he was 16. He never dared to tell anyone. He felt disgusted and ashamed. After he was married it took him years before he dared to tell his wife. Deep down he always doubted whether he could trust her. This feeling would creep in during the most intimate moments and he could never get rid of it,
although it bothered him a lot.
Follow up
Two years after the proving.
Since the proving this feeling of distrust has disappeared, and he now feels comfortable enough to talk about his experiences. He also told me that at parties he often used to be approached by men. He had always hated this. Since the proving this has stopped. Now he finds that women are attracted to him, which he is much happier about.
He is much more open. He still jokes a lot, but in a more natural manner and the sharpness has gone. The proving has brought into focus the anger he still carried towards his father and he is now coming to terms with this, two years after the proving.
His physical tiredness and the frequent episodes of flu have disappeared.
Three years after the proving.
He still takes the remedy about once a year when he finds himself becoming very hurried, wanting to take on much more work than he can comfortably manage.
Within 24 hours of taking the remedy the hurriedness disappears, the wrinkles in his forehead get smoothed out (comment from his wife) and he takes on a relaxed attitude to life again. He said.
"All my life I have hidden the fact that I felt so unsure of myself behind a front of 'just watch me, I can do it'. Nobody ever saw my doubts and uncertainties. Now this is changing.
"Even before this proving, where so many people dreamt of houses, I had often said to myself: 'The foundations aren't right'. Now I feel the foundations have been put in order.'
-
Case: 3 Provided by Tünde Barwolf
Female aged 41
She is very tall and slim, dark hair, good looking. Lively person when with friends. Likes to dance. Spiritual, turned Buddhist. Vegetarian.
Fear to harm others
She is a healer but has not been able to practise for several years now as she fears to harm clients. She gets into a state of panic and fears to contaminate things with her hands. She has to check things many times to make sure that everything is all right. Years ago she had growing problems working in a hospital as a nurse with all the strong allopathic medication and left the hospital.
More fears to cause harm. Loves candles but does seldom light them, when going out has to check many times that there is no spark left which could set the whole house on fire. Checking many times whether the gas is turned off.
Has given up driving because of too much fear to harm pedestrians, always checking in rear mirror whether they were still there walking.
Broods long whether she might have said something wrong to people.
Care for others
Nurse, healer. She now cares for the newborn in their homes. Loves the babies and their mothers, especially from ethnic minorities as they still have more intuition for handling the baby. Loves children but has none of her own. Has now accepted that she won't have children because of her age.
Outcast
She would have loved to be a gypsy! (Gypsies don't have a country of their own and therefore don't have boundaries!) Lives in a quarter where Turkish people are predominant.
Experienced fire one night as people had set neighbouring house alight, which was occupied by unwanted drug addicts.
Moving to the country she lost one house as the owner didn't want to rent to someone from the big city
She feels degraded by clients asking her whether she is really qualified.
In a restaurant, she is always the one who gets the cup with a crack and the soup with a hair in it.
She feels that nobody of her family understands her, that she is the only one with deeper emotions and less materialistic inclination for which she is looked down upon. She is told by her brothers and sister that she is the problem maker in the family. She cries easily with any emotions.
She is the first child, but was expected to be a boy.
No boundaries
Fear of germs, of contamination, especially through food. Has to wash her hands constantly as she feels dirty, surrounded by dirt. Had to throw away food even though sealed and wrapped, that had been touched by a shop assistant who had just scratched a pimple till it bled. She noticed with horror that the girl selling her bread had a plaster on her finger. Making tea, the lid of the pot has to lie upside down on the kitchen surface, otherwise germs could get to the rim and contaminate the tea. She can't put something in the bin or pick something up from the floor without
having to wash her hands afterwards.
Fear of rats and mice. She sees the crack in the cup, the hair in the soup and the dirt under the nails of the waitress. The dogs in the neighbourhood all shit in front of her house. She always sees used plasters, tampons and bandages littering the street.
Has to check many times that all the doors are double locked when she goes out and also while she is in.
Fear of touch, making journeys by tram very unpleasant. Fear of men, coming in. Fear of men in the street, worse in the dark. Fear of rape and of AIDS.
Has lived without a partner for ten years because of a bad experience. She felt raped by her last partner. She likes hugs.
Can't bear smoke. Once asked long-standing friends (a gay couple) not to smoke in her flat. She didn't see them again.
Problems with the location of her telephone. She worries that her neighbours can overhear her talking, worse when she talks to clients.
Dreams of walking in the street and trailing metres of soiled bloody bandages behind her.
Dreams of fire and being trapped in house.
-
Physicals
She feels awkward, falls a lot, over her own feet. She walks stooped because of her height, more like a lad. She gets her feet into the wheels of her bicycle, falling off.
Pain in stomach, cramps, in knots, when eating at home with feeling of whole family watching her or being against her. Unable to eat anything at all.
After giving up thought of having a baby, severe uterine pain and severe bleeding. Dizziness from blood loss, thought of possibility to bleed to death. It stopped when she lost a fibrous lump that reminded her of a foetus. She took this "miscarriage" as acceptance of being childless.
Thought menopause had started, hot flushes, period stopped.
Bad varicose veins since her twenties.
Night sweats. Chilly.
Cravings: Tea, Chocolate.
Aversion: Meat.
Many years of different therapies and many remedies, but no real improvement.
Given AIDS nosode 100c
Day of prescription happened to be World AIDS Day.
First noticeable reaction. Loss of craving for chocolate and therefore loss of weight.
Problem with family comes up as a theme around Christmas. (That she is the problem.) Talking about it helps to bring it into the light and she sees it in a less confrontational and hurtful way.
More open, talking more to people in shops, being asked for directions by a man. Wouldn't have happened before.
As the remedy is working and old things come up, she is able to talk about how her father used to approach her indecently as a child, when her mother had gone out. No full incestual relationship. She was never able to tell her mother until recently. Mother had not known about it. Yet she feels close to her father. He is the most emotional of the family. When asking her father why he touched her, he said because he loved her so much, had no remorse about it. She is still not able to get close to him for a hug, still feels awkward when he touches her.
Theme "man" comes up too. She likes the partner of a friend, but the two always end up fighting and with a tense atmosphere. She feels attacked by his remarks and fears that he might approach her sexually. Talking about the latest incident, she can see his sensitivity too and can talk to him about her vulnerability.
Period started again and no more hot flushes.
-
After 6 weeks
A man in a a fairly empty train compartment had been looking at her constantly. She hated it, but wasn't scared as she normally would have been. She put an aura around her and grounded her feet, could feel her boundaries better. Feels less sleepy. Trusts more and feels it in her body.
After 6 months
If I didn't eat between 5 and 7 p.m. I normally got terrible bellyache. This is gone. Things are happening, one after another, spiritual things. Doors are opening, until they will stay open. I feel guided, with fear, I stay with myself. I am growing in spirit. Energy is more going downward and upward, not just upward as before.
In spite of doing well on several doses of AIDS Nosode, the patient often complains about her physical symptoms. She wonders if complaining is part of the remedy picture. She often feels that the remedy has "run out".
-
Main themes of several cases treated successfully with the Aids nosode
- History of sexual abuse.
- Powerless in the hands of people who are in control, people who can violate your boundaries. Nowhere is safe. The people who should be offering safety and security are the very people who either ignore you, or even worse, betray you.
- Sensation of isolation and estrangement.
- Comfort is found in a bond with a special (innocent or young) friend, dog, kitten etc. who understands the longing for recognition and love.
- Persevering, strong, responsible. There is no time for moping around.
- Restlessness and desire for order. Time is short and there is much to do.
ghazanfar ghasemi azar wrote:
--
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PLEASE do NOT include my name in MULTIPLE mailings, except as a BCC ( So PLEASE
just tick the 'BCC' (Blind Carbon Copy) box in the address field next to my name). Thanks!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------