hates mother

[eternalhealth]

Hello all

would appreciate if anyone has suggestions for remedies to include as possibilities that would fit the following -

young man with much trauma in life. Does not blame anyone who caused the trauma including father who bashed him amongst other incidents [ young man says father must have had his reasons] and other persons esp in family who behave irrationally too but blames mother for everything that happens. Says would rather commit suicide than be with mother [who has done everything for him and rescued him from all the trauma through the years and is trained in psychology and doesn't not become emotionally charged ] on the other hand says loves mother and really isn't criticizing her -if she would only watch every single word she says he could cope- he is just sharing information.

ideas?

thanks
Beverly
Beverly

[Tanya Marquette]

sounds a bit like ptsd--justifying the abuser
and attacking the one who saved him. i think they
call this the stockholm syndrome. has he
spoken about his father's attitudes toward the mother?
he may be identifying with the abusive father and
his attitudes as a means of feeling empowered.
this so often happens with abuse.
another question: is he resentful of his mother
for being with such an abusive man.
these ongoing abuses in childhood tend to have some
very convoluted dynamics. you need to dig a bit more
i think.
tanya

[eternalhealth]

thanks Tanya

yes this indeed a very deep and convoluted case of mental imbalance

I think from speaking with him that part of the situation is that if he really blames his father for his deeds he will never have a relationship with him [ he won't have anyway as the father is continually abusive and is dying]

Also the blaming the mother seems to be partly to do with the abuse he feels from the other people in extended family who are unhelpful to them both [ he and his mother] and his feeling that perhaps if she was just a little different he wouldn't have to cope with any other family dynamics - partly to do with mother not being able to protect him in these situations and that she would be the only person who could do so if it was possible. Apart from these unhealthy dynamics they have no other family for support. if he tells the others how he feels about their behaviour they behave worse so the mother is the only safe outlet.

He also seems to have a feeling that the directed energy of a single mother who has to have strategies to work and bring up a son on her own is confronting while at the same time calls on that side of her to rescue him.

any other ideas appreciated thanks

Beverly

[Tanya Marquette]

so the mother is a scapegoat because she is safe:
the only one who tried to save him and doesn't
abandon him. so he is cowardly and delusional.
does he have domineering tendencies, as his father?
have you looked at rx like lyc, carc, podo? is he
servile to his father? can you tell what his
relationship to his father feels/looks like? is
he wimpy or domineering in his other relationships
(a possible compensatory reaction to the domination
of his father)? is he afraid to identify with his
mother because he sees her as too weak a role model?
ideas like disappointed love and grief come to mind.
unforgiving? does/did he feel abandoned?
i deal with similar types of behavior in my kids, my
daughter in particular, who, as full fledged adult, is
still beating up on me for not being something that
i wasnt when she was growing up. in my case, i wasn't
financially fit enough, i wasn't mainstream enough,
my human limitations are just never forgivable for her.
she is in awe of the people who raised her in many ways,
but spends so much time looking for ways to diminish us.
but the flip side is that she really lacks a kind of
courage to stand up for herself in the real world and
so keeps coming back to the one she knows will not
abandon her. it is just too safe for her to dump on
me for not being the perfect role model while always
complaining that the rest of the world doesn't give
her the support she needs/wants. effecting power is
a big issue for her. she actually studied a tv episode
type program to understand power relationships.
i don't know if this helps at all, but there are
similar sounding dynamics here. but you know the case
and will need to chose the most dominant themes. it is
so hard to get behind the defenses and compensatons
sometimes. but the manifestations may the beginning
place.
tanya

[eternalhealth]

Yes Tanya, I think ou have voiced the situation spot on.- the mother is the scapegoat.

The young man is frightened of everything and how he will cope in the world without a father - always has been like this apparently. Sees father rarely, father always abuses him but he yearns for his love. he is the one to make overtures of affectation/telling him he appreciates him- to his father but father manifests anger in response to any emotion he himself feels.

yes there are traits of dictatorialness [ not a real word I expect ] and he has responded to lyc and also responded to puls., interestingly also responds to ars.alb. he says he can feel sometimes in himself that he expects others to be perfect.

Always wanted a male role model to learn from so ignored mother's attempts to teach him practical skills around the house etc

Is attracted to very feminine women who are older than himself - [part mother figure? with children - who seem to represent himself as a child from conversation]- but also talks about when will marry and have children but behaviour does not substantiate that this could happen as woman he is with is too old for childbearing

Also might give one dose carc.

any other ideas are welcome

thanks

Beverly

[Tanya Marquette]

can he express anger at all? puls was one of the rx
i was thinking about so it doesn't surprise me that
he has some good response to it.
carc may be good for him,too as it has that incomplete
feeling. does he express not feeling part of the world
or as if 2 different people or energies? sometimes people
who feel incomplete (as in missing the role model of a
father), express this duality. he seems to definitely
be caught up in old childhood needs and losses from this
man.
i sometimes think that if the child in him could express
anger it would be so healing. has he ever done 'inner
child' work? have you tried to get him to do any EFT
type work? i am a firm believer that one size doesn't
always fit all and homeopathy sometimes needs an assist
from other protocols.
tanya

[eternalhealth]

tanya

At beginning of treatment 3 months ago used he used to say he felt like his personality was splitting in 2 and could not stand any noise - esp hismother's voice in any tone or volume.

None of that now. Changed his name a few years ago - says it was because his old name was a bit hard to understand but it would fit that partly it was done to get away from association from his former life and father and slight racial abuse he received. He disappeared for a couple of years to get away from father who was chasing him yet it was his mother he took a court order against even though it was his father who bashed him. He perceived his mother to be chasing him although she wasn' but she didn't know where he was and waited it out as she knew he was emotionally distressed. He turned up 12 months ago after a death threat from someone. and now they are bonding closely amongst all this mayhem. He tells her he is grateful to her and asks her to just hold on through him going through all this stuff. Obviously he is very confused.

Does have flashes of anger in response to small things which are connected to large traumas in his life. understandable as his life has been completely stopped by events caused by others physically and emotionally to the point where he can't work.

We are doing a 'lot' of emotional work to do with every event and feeling that his mind throws up as and when he wants and he is changing reactions in his mind to events according to how he wants to do it.. it may be unconventional but we dose homeopathically in relation to where his mind is in the actual events even if happening years earlier as we go through and it seems to be really clearing lots of stuff as the suicidal tendency although there is quite different form a week ago when he was going to throw himself under a truck at any opportunity to get away from the former stresses.

he is very open to any emotional work/help and he is also going through the process in Brandon Bayes book.
Beverly

[Tanya Marquette]

well, it sounds like you are making good headway with
this very complicated case. i think treating the childhood
emotions that come up is perfect. i once gave a remedy
based on past life experiences since that was the only
information that i could get about m/e states. it was a
great remedy for her. i had come to the opinion that it
didn't matter if these past life experiences were real or
not. that is what the vital force was expressing and it
needed to be dealt with. so go for it girl. it sounds
like you are on the right track.
tanya

[eternalhealth]

thanks for your support Tanya
yes i agree, i think it is the mind's perceptions/distortions of past events whether real or not that if we can get at/undo/treat in whatever way, will allow us to make progress in the present and I do so want to do everything I can help this young man have every opportunity to get a life of his own that he can manage and enjoy.

There's a lot of learning to be done from these difficult cases also. it certainly is keeping me on my toes.
kind regards
Beverely

[Shannon Nelson]

What are his relationships with other people like, and how is he "doing
his life"? Any prominent physicals?