interesting rubric and MM request again

[suissa_m]

Searching for a rubric for a patient who is "very irritable,
especially with herself - every little cause is an excuse for her self-
hatred and to tell herself "you see – you are a failure / fool /
idiot /etc. etc" I found:
Mind – censorious, critical – oneself, of: herin., LSD.
In the MM section I found the LSD proving but nothing about Heroinum.
Does anybody know something about it? OH, please, please, don't begin
again with experiences of the crude matter – as most of us still
remember this thread from some years ago and there's no need to repeat!
Thanks in advance
Maly

[Robyn]

Hi Maly

Synthesis had 4 rems for that rubric --- and here are a few more ideas from there as well

MIND - CENSORIOUS - oneself; of

aq-pet. aur. heroin. pin-s.
MIND - REPROACHING oneself
MIND - ANGER - mistakes, about his
MIND - CONFIDENCE - want of self-confidence
MIND - ANGER - himself; with
MIND - CONTEMPTUOUS - self, of
MIND - DELIRIUM - blames himself for his folly
MIND - DISCONTENTED - himself, with
MIND - DISCOURAGED - reproaches himself
MIND - DISGUST - body; of the - own body; of one's - odor; of the - nausea; to the point of
MIND - DISGUST - oneself
MIND - MOROSE - oneself, with
MIND - PITIES herself
MIND - SADNESS - superfluous, feeling
MIND - SELF-DECEPTION
MIND - SUCCEEDS, never
MIND - UNFORTUNATE, feels
the proving of Heroinum is very long, but here is the section for Self hatred and Anger
Janet Snowden from EH

Self hatred
I woke at 4.00a.m. worried that I had contributed too much to the meeting, that they would think I
was too bossy. I kept asking myself why I had said certain things. 01P 08 XX. XX OS
Unusually frustrated, angry and unforgiving with myself when things go wrong. 02P 23 XX. XX NS
I am doubting everything about myself. My very sanity. This proving, even if the proving is a good
thing to do, I feel I've been poisoned. How could I have thought I could be a healer when I'm in
such a mess? How could there be such a shift in me? 08P 12 XX. XX NS
Anxious that I am not a good prover, want to understand homoeopathy better. Disappointed that not
much going on. 10P 01 XX. XX NS
Rage because I left gas ring on for 3 hours, want to beat my head. Have image of stabbing head into
a pulp with big sharp knife and of slicing body. Very violent. Hate knives. 10P 02 XX. XX NS
Depression. Do I want to do homoeopathy? Felt badly treated by patient who didn't turn up. 10P 14
XX. XX NS
Deep sleep marked a sorely troubled heart. My life seems a mess. 12P 18 XX. XX NS
Unhappy, real reasons. Poor me, envious. Other half flew off to job in Greece, leaving me to look
after two kids. 13P 07 XX. XX NS
I was really exhausted today, I felt sad, felt vulnerable, felt tearful on many occasions. What do
I fucking want? J. says I am a haughty bitch, maybe that is correct! Perhaps I do everything wrong.
I'm the one who gets pleasure out of all this pain. 17P 10 XX. XX NS
I felt big today, as if I had totally overeaten, gained weight, unpleasant. 17P 12 XX. XX NS
Anger
I was irritable with everybody because of the chaos. 01P 02 XX. XX NS
I felt irritable at the meeting, it's a waste of time and they are doing it all wrong. 01P 05 XX.
XX OS
I felt very irritable which is unusual and found myself irritable with other drivers which is also
unusual. 02P 03 XX. XX NS
I am especially irritable late afternoon. 02P 16 17.00 NS
Frazzled and tense by the end of the day and snappy with the children. Feel under pressure and
slightly resentful about mother-in-law's visit. 03P 18 XX. XX NS
For the first time in weeks I've felt really pissed off and angry. My mother-in-law has no
intention of being irritating but I find her really difficult and get more and more sensitive to
every comment she makes. I'm wired up and everyone suffers. The children have to put up with me
being really snappy with them too. Haven't felt irritation like this for ages. 03P 20 XX. XX OS
Morbid and miserable thoughts on waking. Feel unaccountably cross - snapping at the children. I'm
looking forward to being alone. Must be pre-menstrual. 03P 26 XX. XX OS
Found managing the children very difficult between 3.30 and 6p.m. . Found their aggression towards
each other and bad tempers makes me feel indignant and cross, not much understanding or patience.
05P 03 XX. XX NS
Resentful at daughter's grumpiness and at confrontation with son. 05P 08 XX. XX NS
Couldn't cope at all with children becoming aggressive and competitive and not responding to my
attempts to set boundaries. Completely lost it angry with son. Felt low about how bad the 3.30 - 6
p.m. time is with children. It seems impossible. Felt low about how bad I felt after feeling so
good on holiday. 05P 14 XX. XX NS
Pissed off about things that needing sorting out. 05P 16 XX. XX NS
Really enjoyed gardening job with wife, really felt this was something we could work towards. Got
really annoyed when children interrupted us by creating a fuss - felt angry that this was not what
was arranged or what I expected. 05P 18 XX. XX NS
Headaches interfere with my thought processes and I become intolerant with staff patients and
family. 06P 00 XX. XX NS
Pissed off with not having coffee but resisted temptation to drink it. 06P 03 XX. XX NS
Short-tempered on waking. 06P 04 XX. XX NS
Abrupt with patients - not as tactful or tolerant. 06P 12 XX. XX NS
Irritable, beeped horn at another driver in car park. Never do that. 09P 03 XX. XX NS
Anger with bank. Said I have had enough problems with this man. Felt I was harder on woman I spoke
to than would usually have been. 09P 05 XX. XX NS
Surprised at being short on telephone to a colleague. I don't want to discuss this. This is how it
is. 09P 05 XX. XX NS
Rage. Forgot to ask for next after noon off work. 10P 02 XX. XX NS
Wait 1 hour in silence for patient who does not turn up. Depressed. Then rage waiting for bus which
does not come. Scream obscenities at bus driver going the other way. If had a lump hammer would
smash bus time table. Felt on verge of being arrested, on verge of getting into a fight with
someone, perhaps driver. (Have never been in a fight). Okay with driver when he came. Trained to be
polite to people. 10P 14 XX. XX NS
Rage as printer malfunctioned took Staph 200c without thinking. 0P 27 XX. XX NS
I have been very assertive today. I told this guy selling eggs to cover his notice (he had sold out
of eggs). I felt quite affronted. I argued with him -- really stroppy -- with good reason, but the
bit over the top. 11P 06 XX. XX NS
I'm feeling very bolshi. I have been putting friends in the picture if criticized, even if in fun.
It seems very important to me to make my point -- I don't think they like it. I'm not taking any
criticism. 11P 07 XX. XX NS
I had a disturbed night worrying about daughter. I feel angry with the girls who have been
unpleasant with her and want to go down and sort them out. 12P 04 XX. XX NS
I feel pre-occupied and querulous. 12P 05 XX. XX NS
Brother called about an accident he had. Angry and anxious. Angry that he was so inconsiderate. 13P
01 20.30 NS
Very irritable and impatient. Tired from strange dreams. 3 Children to look after. Unfair. Reacting
too quickly. 13P 05 XX. XX NS
Justifiable rage at a friend who was not there when I was meant to visit her. Cold front and
clipped speech when I talked to her later. 13P 10 16.00 NS
Woke very cross and bad tempered. People so ungrateful. Cross with everything. Anticipating
disappointment. Better in the open air. 13P 10 XX. XX NS
Angry violent outburst. Needed to vent frustrations on inanimate objects. Whacked kitchen cabinets
with a broom. Shocked myself. Felt better for company and going out. 13P 12 XX. XX NS
At one point feel irritated with patient. She has no fears and doesn't want to change anything,
doesn't know what she likes doing. Feel I want to shake her - its only momentary then it passes. 14P
02 17.00 NS
Irritated with the video. Swirls of irritation going around in my chest and solar plexus. I want to
kick the video recorder because it is not rewinding the video quickly enough. 14P 04 XX. XX NS
Wanted to kick the printer - it wasn't moving fast enough! 14P 05 XX. XX NS
Stroke the ginger cat on his head, then for no reason my hand grasps him behind the ears and I grit
my teeth. I've no idea why I did that. The cat was a bit surprised about it too! Had momentary flash
that Hand was a claw like a bird of prey gripping its prey. A moment of viciousness or something.
14P 06 20.00 NS
Home, flashes of irritability while getting late lunch. Don't want to wait on anybody. Food is out,
want people to just come and fetch what they want. Don't want to pander to anyone. 14P 09 XX. XX NS
Desire to scratch and bite during sex. 14P 14 XX. XX NS
Daughter niggling me, she'd moaned about washing up. I feel pissed off with her attitude to helping
out. Then she moans about Easter eggs and not receiving one, getting bar of chocolate instead. I'm
really pissed off now, can't feel anger or hurt, but know I am. Instead of having desire to put it
right just want to push her further away. Usually I'd want to make it all alright again. 14P 14 XX.
XX NS
Another set to with daughter. We aren't hitting it off too well at the moment. I sense she is
critical of me and I challenge her, instead of keeping quiet to keep the peace. I'm not sure what
she wants from me, but I'm obviously not providing it. 14P 15 XX. XX NS
Think generally I'm swearing more. 14P 17 XX. XX NS
Feel very territorial about the table I work at being sat at by someone else. Getting myself
annoyed about everything, yet not 'feeling' it, but acting it. Too lazy to 'feel it'. 14P 18 XX. XX
NS
Get the meal, fly at the children because they don't come as soon as I call them. I'm on short
fuse, but still a lack of 'feeling'. Moment soon passes. 14P 21 XX. XX NS
Feeling narked now about 2 things that haven't been done by 2 companies. I want them to do as they
said they would do and not piss about. Why don't people do what they say they are going to do. I'm
really cross about it. Slightly stronger feelings coming up. 14P 22 XX. XX NS
As soon as H. and daughter left house in morning, felt low. In evening blazing row with daughter
because I'd lost something important and was cross with myself. 15P 17 XX. XX NS
Woke feeling irritable. Impatient. Didn't want to be stroked. It made me more irritable and I moved
away. Needed space. 15P 18 XX. XX NS
In the morning I discovered close friend had let me down over two things. Very techy all day.
Changeable - one minute couldn't bear to be caressed or touched. The next being amorous and wanting
to be held. Impatient and bossy with H. Talked down to him. Was abrupt and rude. Swift changes from
being rational to irrational. 15P 19 XX. XX NS
Sleep talked. Was bossy to H. and told him he was unfeeling! 15P 23 XX. XX NS
Need a remedy to get me out of this. Angry with JS. She drops the bombshell and then buggers off to
USA. Feel used. Deserted. She's playing with us. 15P 42 XX. XX NS
Gave a lesson and the pupil did not perform as well as I know she can. Got angry with her,
suppressed the feeling, but inside myself I felt impatient and angry. 17P 02 XX. XX NS
Finally I am in bed now, I am so pissed off. I am in a destructive mood. I am in a fit of jealousy,
and I drank five glasses of whiskey or maybe six or seven, I don't know. I feel like being rude and
screaming 'Fuck that shit'. 17P 07 02.00 NS
I could have attacked S. today. I asked him a couple of things and he treated me like a worthless
piece of shit. I just left quick, very quick and I felt that attacking him and putting my nails into
his flesh would have been very appropriate - at least we wouldn't be so polite to each other
anymore. I feel like putting my hand into the wound and start to rip the wound up, more and more, as
if through that it would cure. Today this felt the right thing to do, something ritual, something
tribal - is it me writing all of this shit? However I didn't. 17P 12 XX. XX NS
Felt fine today, again I feel that I am quite relaxed and calm about things. I asked my husband if
he had noticed any change and he said that he had - he says that he thinks my moods a very
changeable, and that for example, last night I seemed really angry whilst on Friday evening I was
really nice. I must admit I am not aware of this. 18P 04 XX. XX NS
During the evening I had a row with my husband. He got really annoyed and shouted at me and went
upstairs to the PC. I sat downstairs for a few minutes, becoming more and more angry, then I marched
upstairs, grabbed him by the shoulder and swung him round, and really shouted at him. He started to
argue back, but I was determined to get my point across, and really went for him, verbally.
Afterwards I felt quite calm about it, I went downstairs and left him upstairs. We do not normally
argue very much at all, we are both quite placid people who dislike confrontation (especially me).
Usually when I get angry I start to cry, particularly if I shout, but this time my anger felt quite
cold; I also felt really calm afterwards, whereas usually an argument leaves me shaken (and
tearful). I went to bed without saying goodnight to him. Supervisor's comment - the prover omitted
the above symptom from her report. She told me later to insert the symptom of "anger" into day . 18P
08 XX. XX NS
When I woke I remembered the argument, I did not feel bothered as I felt I was right. My husband
apologised to me (this must be a first!) for starting the argument, and for swearing at me - I
apologised to him for getting angry (so we're happy again!). 18P 09 XX. XX NS

Best

Robyn

Saalome gam naan ben uurda, gan njjber asaala hesporoona!

Peace be on Earth, and among all beings!

[suissa_m]

Thank you so much, Robyn! You are a treasure.

Best wishes
Maly
--- In minutus@yahoogroups.com, "Robyn" wrote:
ideas from there as well

[Shannon Nelson]

There's also "reproaches himself"?
Shannon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]