I prescribed this recently ,actually added it to a bottle of Fringed Violet,
for an anal fissure which recurs frequently. The trauma which produced
this was in childhood. Presumably the scarring breaks down easily. I have
a strong feeling that the emotional scarring may also be helped.
Does anyone have any mental provings. I can only find dementia. Thank you
Jean
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Thiosinaminum
Re: Thiosinaminum
Jean, here is mentals of a recent proving of Thios by Grinney from EH -
there are more physicals, but too much for the list.
The proving of thiosinamine
Mind
Waiting
The theme of "waiting patiently" already applies to the proving for me.
Waiting for the proving to start, waiting for the time to be right, delays,
but it is OK.
(104,f 30: Before proving)
Waiting has suddenly come to the fore - I feel I've been waiting for
something dramatic to happen with the proving, but it isn't, and I need to
reconcile myself to the fact that it might not. I feel impatient.
(104,f,30: 05:XX:XX)
2 patients haven't shown this morning, so I've had two hours wasted waiting
for them with no time to get on with anything else. That's wasted time!
(104,f,30: 05:XX:XX)
Waiting is a big part of my supervisors' life at the moment - waiting for
something that could go either way. Also world events the "Clinton Affair -
will he go or won't he?" The UN in Iraq and the British / US threats - will
they or won't they?
(104,f,30: 08:XX:XX)
Size
Feel thinner but know I'm not.
(109,f, 200: 00:XX:XX)
Looked smaller, my features and general being.
(110,f,1M: 08:XX:XX)
I feel taller.
(110,f,1M : 23:XX:XX)
Unreal
Things started to look unreal. Sensation as if not having enough sleep,
dream like state. Like not got a firm grip on things. Like not in your body.
(103, f, 200: 00:02:15)
(ROS) I don't feel quite in the world - culturally things have gone on
around me, I've missed things.
(109,f,200: 00:XX:XX)
Very tired, wanting to lie down, and feeling of everything being unreal
came over me.
(103, f, 200: 00: O3: XX)
Relaxed / contented
Doesn't feel as anxious as of late.
(103,f,200: 00:03:45)
Husband got annoyed at amount of pots to be washed. I was determined not to
bother about this - I would normally get anxious about his anger - I was
sarcastic, sarcastic and scornful and he laughed and came out of his anger.
Felt high from this time as the time progresses.
(103, f, 200: 00:04:25)
Feeling very happy and contented and grounded, and noticing others being
more frazzled than usual.
(104,f,30: 00:XX:XX)
Quite cheerful all day.
(101, m, 1M: 01:XX:XX)
Daughter comments I look well. Feels optimistic. Better in company.
(103, f,200: 01:XX: XX)
Calmer still and more relaxed. I didn't feel hyper before, but this has
given me a different perspective.
(107,m, 1M: 01:XX: XX)
Things feel gentle - the atmosphere in the house, family feels gentle,
cheerful-at one. My partner even smiled first thing in the morning.
(104,f, 30: 02:XX: XX)
Laid back. Feel it will all work out.
(110,f, 1M: 02:XX: XX)
Calm - persistently. Stressful situations did not feel stressful it just
flowed.
(110,f, 1M: 03:XX: XX)
Felt calm all day except when really pushed by the kids, but didn't lose it
even then.
(104,f, 30: 04:XX: XX)
I feel fine - Feel very happy and contented.
(110,f, 1M: 07:XX: XX)
Energy level still high, going with the flow.
(110,f, 1M: 08:XX: XX)
Very relaxed and happy sailed through a stressful situation. Better for
being by the sea.
(110,f, 1M: 09:XX: XX)
Very happy to see a lot of friends - cheerful.
(101, m. 1M: 19:XX: XX)
Got engaged Valentine's day - and we went to see "the dogs" at Bellevue and
had a great time! Not romantic, but fun and a new experience.
(104,f, 30: 24:XX: XX)
Feeling very calm (things change from day to day) and able to cope well
with things happening out of the blue, such as unexpected visitors staying
for tea.
(104,f, 30: 27:XX: XX)
A friend said I looked radiant over the last 2 weeks! She said every time
she sees me she notices more.
(104,f, 30: 44:XX:XX)
Heightened awareness
Heightened awareness, referring to colours, sounds and shapes, More in the
now: things are defined and precise, pure and pristine, no encumbrances. I'm
in the now just accepting it not thinking. Observing without overt reaction.
I feel calm, fairly focused. Notice things more, not intellectually just
instantly. Everything seems slow and defined wasn't thinking about what I
should be doing.
(107,m, 1M: 00:12:00)
My senses were strongly evoked while walking in the park - smells, sights,
and noises. Everything seemed very crisp and nice, although it was grey and
drizzling in reality.
(104,f, 30: 01:XX: XX)
Sounds and shapes more vivid than colours. Noticing more movements in my
peripheral vision. Seem to notice noises more clearly the sound seems to be
amplified.
(107,m, 1M: 01:XX: XX)
Had impression that other provers were a little wild-eyed and 'stoned'
perhaps explains the last few days.
Feel horny and sensual and detached. Remedy has heightened sensuality. Once
again aware of amplification of sound. Whispers, coughs, laughs, as if they
were personal and intimate - as if they involved me. Noticed other people
looking at me but feels good. Felt more confident at college, more in
control of situation, Aware of the harsh side of the remedy but also its
potential for strength. If I can handle the immediacy of it, it can be used
constructively.
(107,m,1M: 21:XX: XX)
Woman got on tram, stands stark opposite. Thought she was sensual and
symbolic. I felt I was controlling the situation and editing/scripting it.
Realised the importance of perspective in interpretation - anything is
possible. Sense of exhilaration.
(107,m, 1M: 21:XX: XX)
Have developed an intense passion for someone I shouldn't have! It's a
hugely deep physical and mental attraction and it feels all consuming and
very distracting. I want to spend all my time fantasising about meeting him,
and to sleep in order to dream about him! It's about passion on the
emotional level, not sexual. About a meeting of minds and hearts, and it
feels so right, but at the same time it feels so wrong because of my
commitment to my partner. All in all, a very sensitive issue, and I keep
trying to push it away and hold on it being a part of the proving, but the
stronger urge is holding onto it because it feels so exciting and new!
(108,f, 30: 20:XX: XX)
Heaviness of thought combined with a lightness of sensation. Aware of every
neuralgia pain and every little itch. A bit hypochondriacal.
After seeing sister my own fears have been heightened.
(1O7,m,1M: 24:XX:XX)
Colours, noises, sounds are vivid again. Sensual feel for the city, cold
almost clinical observation of the chaos that could ensue. Mind lively, body
sluggish.
There is a debilitating quality to the remedy.
(107,m, 1M: 26:XX: XX)
Synchronicity
2 instances of "synchronicity" - I couldn't find the milk in it's usual
place in the corner shop and was told it hadn't arrived yet, and then on
leaving the shop the milk float turned up. It felt as if one minute milk was
completely lacking, and the next it was there in abundance! Later in the day
I was very aware how much milk my daughter was drinking and expressed
concern to her.
(104,f, 30: 00: XX: XX)
Was thinking about how a patient I'd spoken with yesterday she hadn't
mentioned a symptom that's been bothering her a lot recently; then I walked
into my work room to find she was leaving a message on the phone saying
she'd forgotten to mention the symptom and that she was still worried about
it. So both of us had been thinking the same thing at the same time.
(104,f, 30: 00: XX: XX)
I've been thinking about getting my hair cut professionally for the last
two weeks and today a new patient who turned out to have been a very high
class stylist and gave me some advice - although it wasn't asked for! It
felt like wonderful timing - a spur in the right direction.
(104,f, 30: 07:XX: XX)
2 pieces of synchronicity this morning: -
I'd been thinking about a case from three years ago (I haven't seen him for
12 months) with a view to discussing it with students, and this morning his
mother rang to say he needed some more (of the remedy).
(104,f, 30: 08:XX: XX)
Clarity
Feel very clear headed and alert therefore a good sleep refreshed. No
anxiety about seeing patients.
(103, f, 200: 01:XX: XX)
Pleased was able to deal quite firmly and directly with difficult
patients - very slight aggression. Slightly stood back, detached. No
anticipatory feelings. Dealt with her in the here and now - didn't allow
games / messing about.
(103, f, 200: O1: XX: XX)
No sense of hurriedness. Clarity and determination, and accomplish things.
No anxiety.
(103, f, 200: 01: XX: XX)
Need to tidy up (generally untidy), moved some paintings. Old packets and
bottles moved off freezer. Felt needed to tidy up house then tidy up garden,
cut back dead wood etc.
(103, f, 200: 03:XX: XX)
Not feeling as anxious. Not heavy headed.
(103, f, 200: 03: XX:XX)
My husband said out of the blue that the remedy was making me more direct,
assertive, but not bossy. This week more organised.
(103, f, 200: 04:XX:XX)
Visited mum - didn't feel as antagonistic as I normally do. Afterwards she
said she'd come to visit me. Going home I was aware there was a softening to
that idea. Haven't wanted her in the house before, decided to invite her up.
(103, f, 200: 04:XX:XX)
Daughter not home she'd rang earlier to say she was going to be late - keep
her tea warm. Husband angry at waste of electricity. I was untouched by his
anger. Thought they can sort it out between them. (Previously would have
felt a knot in stomach, anxiety and would have tried to appease him.) Felt
empathy with him.
(103, f, 200: 04:XX: XX)
Still tidying - a backlog of case notes, teaching notes.
(103, ft 200: 04:XX: XX)
Found myself cleaning up kitchen - not obsessive just sense of putting
things in order and organising things. Pleasant symptoms efficient, not
efficacious. Sense of well-being.
(103, f, 200: 04:XX: XX)
Looked at garden today and was able to see it clearer i.e. more
observant - able to see a broader picture rather than individual bits, the
whole.
(103, f, 200: 07:XX: XX)
Made daughter get off the phone. In the past would have wanted to, but now
did. Was downright bossy, not dictatorial just firm. Feel very well, quite
calm and optimistic. Getting used to the idea that there is no certainty in
doing the job (homoeopathy) and the results. Job before, felt needed
certainty.
Far more assertive in myself, the external uncertainties don't matter so
much. Feel it's the beginning of a new way of thinking about things, feel
very optimistic about things.
(103, f, 200: 07:XX: XX)
(R0S) Phoned back difficult patient - she was rude, offensive, I wasn't
upset by it.
(103, f, 200: 08:XX: XX)
Supermarket bill was very large this week. D. started to moan about it as
he usually does. I usually ignore his moaning but today I felt very
sympathetic towards him I knew how he felt (This is the same feeling as a
few days ago, when I knew how he felt when he was angry with my daughter.) I
said nothing because I didn't feel anything I said would make it better. He
came round very quickly after 15 minutes to apologise to me for his ranting
on.
(103, f, 200: 10:XX: XX)
I seem to be standing back and getting everything done,
(110,f, 1M: 10:XX: XX)
Did some gardening and cleared away some dead trees and brambles felt
brighter after doing it / more cheerful.
(101, m, 1M: 13:XX: XX)
Busier than usual important meeting pending - felt in control.
(101, m, 1M: 14:XX: XX)
Lots of energy all evening worked till midnight.
(104,f, 30: 13:XX: XX)
Desire to clean - feeling very fastidious - wanted everything to be exact.
(110,f, 1M: 13:XX: XX)
Created festive atmosphere - like Christmas. Desire to stop the world - get
everything sorted and up to date and then get everything started again.
(110,f, 1M: 14:XX: XX)
Phone call from a third difficult patient complaining about treatment,
since the start of the proving. This is unusual for me, my feeling is not as
anxious about this as I would have been, before taking the proving my
feeling was more of concern than anxiety.
(103, f. 200: 17:XX: XX)
Out walking in the Peak District today. Found I was able to make
connections between the various places in the Peak District. In the past
have been familiar with individual places but not able to fix them
together - where they are in relation to each other. Today I found I could.
This is an example of seeing the broader picture that I experienced in my
garden on day 7.
(103, f, 200: 17:XX: XX)
Made a sudden realisation as to the meaning of a recurrent childhood
nightmare, while chatting to a friend - it all fell into place, and was
linked with the film Wizard of Oz - I'd never realised that before, although
now it's blindingly obvious.
(104,f, 30: 17:XX:XX)
Feel very energetic today - as I used to feel in the morning felt
optimistic all day.
(103, f, 200: 18:XX: XX)
My partner and I have decided to get engaged after 17 years of living
together, and 2 children! It seems like a fun, confirming, consolidating
thing to do
(104,f,30: 19: XX:XX)
Feeling very busy in the late evening, wanting to do, not go to bed. Urge
to read in particular.
(104,f, 30: 29:XX: XX)
I had my hair cut for the first time professionally in 7 years! Another
thing I'd been putting off and have at last done!
(104,f, 30: 39:XX: XX)
Feel bright and sparkly, creative once more. Had thought I'd never be right
again. It has dragged its way through me.
(110,f, 1M: 60:XX: XX)
Dictatorial
Bossy. Daughter objected wanted things to be done. More would be
accomplished if she did things and I did things (not bossy normally). Not
dictatorial. Organizing people to take on tasks. Daughter said I looked
well. Feeling calm yet she says I'm bossy. I do not normally ask someone to
do something usually do it myself.
(103, f, 200: 01:XX: XX)
Feel stroppy and bossy - it's fun actually! My partner accused me of
talking like someone out of Eastenders! Behaving in a rude off hand way.
Continued also on and off the next day.
(104, f,30: 09:XX: XX)
Irritability
Conversation on the telephone was abrupt. Every question answered with a "
No,no. Nope, Yep, No." Monosyllabic, abrupt, aggressive.
(100, f, 6: 01:XX: XX)
Alternating between aggression, hysteria and stupor.
(100, f, 6: 01:XX: XX)
Annoyed, slightly shaky after a phone call from a demanding patient. Quite
short on the phone businesslike.
(103, f, 200: 02:XX: XX)
Was direct with daughter, I could feel anger rising, therefore could be
direct without being in a state, she does so little in the house.
(103, f, 200: 02:XX: XX)
A surge of anger toward a difficult patient, while thinking about her.
Patient used to phone daily, now she has come back, looks like she's doing
it again. All at once I decided I would tell her not to phone every day.
Visualised it happening. Never got to a pitch where I thought I could tell
her. Once I decided this, the anger went after 5 minutes but the decision
remained.
(103, f, 200: 02:XX: XX)
General feeling for the day: More anger, lethargy and tiredness. Feeling of
anger is lifting; a lid is lifting off it. Have been keeping the peace for a
couple of years. Keeping
everybody calm, husband and daughter fiery so I have to keep the peace.
(103, f, 200: 02:XX: XX)
Later, everyone was very irritable and definitely not 'at one'. Every
little thing feels so difficult and out to annoy me - inanimate objects
especially. This is completely different to how I felt this morning. Not
able to negotiate with my daughter, just turned her down without listening
to her. Wanted kids out of my hair, in bed, without bedtime stories, and no
argument.
(104,f 30: 02:XX: XX)
(R0S) Felt irritable, hot and bothered before bed, just wanted to be left
alone.
(103, f, 200: 03:XX: XX)
Whole family very irritable and failing to communicate at all.
(104,f, 30: 03:XX: XX)
Annoyed for people being in my way, Irritable with people. Want to be on my
own. Impatient at others slowness - woman
with a pram in front of me "Why is she dithering?" Intolerant (not like
me).
(100, f,6: 03:XX: XX)
Irritable, wanted to be left alone and quiet. Partner asked for help in the
garden felt obliged out of duty.
(101, m,1M: 05:XX: XX)
(I0S) Woke by answer phone, didn't answer it but felt annoyed and agitated
that a difficult patient had managed to disturb me, lasted until 2 pm.
(103, f, 200: 08:XX: XX)
(I0S) Irritable with the kids, couldn't wait to get rid of them
to bed, just wanted rid of them.
(104,f 30: 11:XX: XX)
Irritable in the morning on being challenged about getting on with jobs
that needed doing on the house / garden (i.e. not getting on with them!)
(101, m, 1M: 13:XX: XX)
Busy day - beginning to feel hassled.
(101, m, 1M: 15:XX: XX)
More irritable, felt constrained by job. Felt like an automaton, not in
control.
(107,m, 1M: 17:XX: XX)
Quite wound up at prospect of long drive to meeting.
(101, m, 1M: 18:XX: XX)
On the same night as having a dream about being concerned about animals, my
daughter kept having a dream about a giant wasp that didn't like people. She
came into our room 3 or 4
times, and I was just irritated and said, "Go away"-I didn't even think of
giving her a hug! It felt very callous of me the following morning.
(104,f, 30: 31:XX: XX)
Very irritable and feeling out of control today - actually swore at my
daughter when she spilt water all over my work.
(104,f, 30: 48:XX: XX)
Continued irritability with the family - I seem to create situations where
I can find fault and blow up.
(104,f, 30: 49:XX: XX)
Shouted at grandchildren in an unreasonable way - felt very guilty.
Irritability better for walking. Everything that was a problem has now got
on top of me. I'm hardly able to do anything because everything has to be
done perfectly. There is so much to put in order I don't know where to
start. I don't want to hand over control to anybody.
(103, f, 200: 71:XX: XX)
(From supervisor's diary) Murderous rage. Feels it's hormonal. Total
unreasonable, sheer rage. Things winding me up - granddaughter with
diabetes - constant battle to get her to eat, and the dog. Sheer rage.
(103, f, 200: 71:XX: XX)
Very irritable. The cat is irritating me beyond measure. Threw her to the
ground feeling loss of control. Want to control everything. Used to feel
like this when premenstrual - the feeling would go once the period had
started. This feeling went once I started to take Evening Primrose about 20
years ago.
(103, f, 200: 71: XX: XX)
Disorientated
Took 4 days to write a letter - as if time was slipping by - getting
nowhere fast.
(109,f, 200: 00:XX: XX)
(ROS) I don't feel quite in the world - culturally things have gone on
around me, I've missed things.
(109,f, 200: 00:XX: XX)
Depressed still, also no desire to do anything - desire to drink alcohol.
(102, m, 6: 01:XX: XX)
Disinclined to work.
(102, m, 6: 03:XX: XX)
I feel depressed in a strange way - no great appetite for work a wish to
enjoy myself - drink, sex, pleasure. Tiredness not depressed but despair or
languor. Drink coffee - I know it's wrong but I need something - the urge to
break rules is strong.
No desire to do things I love doing - garden work, studies and writing,
play music, go to cinema, indifference.
(102, m, 6: 08:XX: XX)
Confused. Can't find familiar objects.
(100, f, 6: 01: XX: XX)
Disorientated in familiar surroundings.
(100, f, 6: 01:XX: XX)
Short term memory 'shot at'. Keeps putting things down and not able to find
them even though they are there.
(100, f, 6: 02:XX: XX)
Memory is poor. Loss of memory for familiar things.
(100, f, 6: 01:XX: XX)
Clumsy - dropping things all the time.
(100, f, 6: 01:XX: XX)
Confused and giggling.
(100, f, 6: 02:XX: XX)
Sensation as if brick wall is stopping me from doing things. Can't get
through it. Frustrated. Can't find a way to remember things. Angry about it.
Left my bag of sac lac at supervisors house yesterday (2kg is difficult to
miss) it was in front of my nose and I needed it. I know I've done
things -can't find a way through it. Can't find things. Supervisor observed;
spent a long time rummaging through her bag looking for something that she
had in her hand, (NOTE: Supervisor also lost something, a message very
important, for 3 days. I searched everywhere for it. It had been in my hand
most of that time.)
(100, f, 6: 02:XX: XX)
Circle dancing - felt well and good energy first half, second half not
really there in the room. Feet felt mixed up. Fatigue (3), lay on floor,
dozed, took half an hour to come out of it. Wondered how I would drive home.
Someone asked me if I was OK. She noticed my feet where getting mixed up.
Sensation as if asleep on feet. Wasn't completely in the room. Not in room /
dance.
(103, f. 200: 02:XX: XX)
Made a mistake numbering the day in my diary (only noticed when writing up
the proving notes - this symptom gets worse later on, and I hadn't realised
it had started so soon.)
(104,f, 30: 02:XX: XX)
Still clumsy. Keep dropping things. I've dropped the car keys I don't know
how many times today.
NOTE: Supervisor has constantly been dropping things as well.
(100, f, 6: 03:XX: XX)
So far this month (including the period just before the proving started) 8
patients have got their appointment times and dates wrong - 3 this week so
far! (I've been able to establish it's not my fault!)
(104,f, 30: 07:XX: XX)
A complete lapse of memory - couldn't remember at all if I'd put a remedy
out for a patient to collect although I know I'd prepared it, but it wasn't
where I should have left it. As if a chunk of memory had disappeared, for
something I'd just done.
(104,f, 30: 09:XX: XX)
Felt spaced out before - now don't feel as detached - I felt out of things.
(109,f, 200: 10:XX:XX)
Walking in the precinct - felt weepy, feeble, weak and a bit
pathetic. Confused -what's going on?
(109,f, 200: 13:XX: XX)
Making lots of mistakes in my writing and misspellings - just spelt round
with a 'w' not a 'r'! Can make 3 or 4 in a sentence, but quickly spot them
(when going through proving notes realized I haven't spotted them all.)
(104, f, 30: 12:XX: XX)
Supervisor pointed out I'd got the numbering of all the days in the proving
diary wrong (corrected at writing up stage I)
(104, f, 30: XX: XX: XX)
(I0S) Busy going nowhere.
(109,f. 200: 14:XX: XX)
Energy levels dropping fast, difficult to concentrate, can't remember what
has been said. Embarrassing - feel distant.
(110,f, 1M: 13:XX: XX)
(I0S) Feel very negative - 'What is the point of life? '.
(109,f, 200: 15:XX: XX)
Still a sense of distance - feeling I was being drawn away.
(110,f, 1M:13:XX: XX)
A feeling of everything slipping away from me, out of control. Nothing to
hold on to. There is no logical mind behind this - I did administration
things this morning and worked out a new case in the afternoon - that is I
have had a productive day. Not a feeling of pressure of things to do, more a
feeling of disintegration.
(103, f, 200: 16:XX: XX)
Feel tired and horrible, cannot focus. Driving problem cannot gauge
distance - mustn't drive too close in case I hit
something.
(109. f, 200: 17:XX: XX)
Still feel trapped and out of control, irritable, edgy and tense. Must try
and relax more. Must look to change otherwise health and study will suffer.
(107,m, 1M, 18:XX: XX)
Had a row worse for consolation. Wanted to sneeze, cough (after the row)
but afraid back would go - but symptoms worse for consolation. Felt 'out of
control' - felt as if I was having a convulsion. Felt very alone vulnerable
isolated. They don't deserve me. Decided to antidote the proving.
(109,f, 200: 18:XX: XX)
My mind feels chaotic and so do my surroundings. Work feels out of control
and the house a tip. It all feels too much to put right.
(104,f, 30: 22:XX:XX)
Very aware I'm still making lots of mistakes in writing - sometimes miss
letters out or write just half a letter, i.e. don't complete it.
(104,f, 30: 23:XX: XX)
Three times in the last week I've taken the wrong route on short familiar
local journeys by car. Suddenly realised I'm going the wrong way on journeys
I would never usually even think about! (This is very unusual)
(104,f, 30: 24:XX: XX)
Sluggish (mind) and feeling of unease. A thin insubstantial divide between
control and loss.
(107,m, 1M: 25:XX: XX)
No energy feel zapped.
(110,f, 1M: 25:XX: XX)
Feel decidedly not with it - wandered around. Need to lie down. Want to be
shut off from everything. Repeated this feeling in the evening.
(110,f,1M: 26:XX: XX)
Misjudged distances caused two falls.
(110,f, 1M: 30:XX: XX)
A compulsion to write 1958 instead of 1998 all day, and I've written
today's date a lot today. Each time I have to stop myself from doing it.
('58 is the year of my birth) this symptom lasted only one day.
(104,f, 30: 45:XX: XX)
Felt I acted slightly inappropriately with 3 different patients
today -tearful for a patients state, as I read a remedy essence to her. Too
approving of a patient who is thinking of acting in a potentially unlawful
way, for fear of seeming to judge her. Spent most of a session chatting to a
patient about mutual friends instead of taking his case! Although it was
mainly his doing.
(104,f ,30: 47:XX: XX)
Time
One thing I noticed is that time seems to slow down.
(107,m, 1M: 01:XX: XX)
Not enough space
Driving home felt not with it. Went through one or two gaps where there
wasn't space to fit. Took a few chances, sense of not having enough space.
Other drivers had to move out of my way. (Normally a very cautious driver,
husband always says he can drive in between the space I'm driving in.)
(103, f, 200: 02:XX: XX)
Do not want to be restricted in any way - undo bra - feel uncomfortable,
too tight, and too restrictive.
(110,f, 1M: 13:XX: XX)
Increased energy
A spate of very "earthy" activity which I love - walking the dog, cooked
chocolate brownies, producing a special meal for the family I haven't felt
like baking for months, but it's felt like a real need.
Then relapsed into a "martyr" role of doing all the washing up, cleaning
up, even drying up, and couldn't stop until it was all done and felt
completely exhausted and no one noticed.
(104,f, 30: 03:XX: XX)
Lack of motivation
Went out and stood just waiting for instructions - no motivation, no
initiative, looked sulky, felt difficult and stubborn.
(101, m, 1M: 05:XX: XX)
Irritable in the morning on being challenged about getting on with jobs
that needed doing on the house/garden (i.e. not getting on with them!)
(101, m, 1M: 13:XX: XX)
Feeling of not knowing what I wanted to do, in the evening, I should be
doing something, restlessness.
(104,f, 30, 11:XX: XX)
I have energy but can't get on with anything.
(109,f, 200: 11:XX: XX)
Travel / new opportunities
Travel opportunities in the air.
(110,f, 1M: 02:XX: XX)
A lot of travel and distance seems to be the theme, possibly of foreign
travel. Distant foreign travels, not just Europe. This feels different.
(110,f, 1M: 05:XX: XX)
Found I was doing something completely new for me: - looking for jobs for
my partner (he's unhappy in his current job) and I was actually looking at
jobs elsewhere in the country, and abroad, and finding myself open to the
possibility that moving away from here might be an option, and even quite
exciting ! I've always been adamant that I'll never move from this house,
let alone from Manchester, but suddenly the possibility was there, and it
wasn't even scary! For me this is a huge shift. Maybe we've been in
Manchester too long??! Feels like itchy feet.
(104,f, 30: O6: XX: XX)
Lot of travel and moving around me - been to travel agents to get house
details, exciting - 2 months ago would have not thought about traveling and
moving.
(110,f, 1M: 17:XX: XX)
Quite excited at thought of going away for the weekend.
(101, m, 1M: 18:XX: XX)
Have developed an intense passion for someone I shouldn't have! It's a
hugely deep physical and mental attraction and it feels all consuming and
very distracting. I want to spend all my time fantasising about meeting him,
and to sleep in order to dream about him. It's about passion on the
emotional level, not sexual. About a meeting of minds and hearts, and it
feels so right ...but at the same time it feels so wrong because of my
commitment to my partner. All in all, a very sensitive issue, and I keep
trying to push it away and hold on it being a part of the proving, but the
stronger urge is holding onto it because it feels so exciting and new!
(108,f, 30: 20:XX: XX)
Grief / old wounds
(I0S) Grief - deep crying about: Dogs dying, a friend's son, a bit about
my mother - feelings of deep sadness for the grief of others in the world -
not depression, just sadness. Sunshine makes these feelings worse.
(103, f, 200: 08:XX: XX)
(I0S) Deep anger about sexual abuse came up - a lot of it aimed at my
stepfather who abused my daughter as a child.
(103, f, 200: 08:XX: XX)
(R0S) I am thinking about my Dad (died 5 years ago)
(109,f, 200: 14:XX: XX)
The horror of looking down and seeing the frog's leg stuck in the door
remains with me as I wake up this morning. I wondered how it was.
(103, f, 200: 18:XX: XX)
A friend's ex husband has died - shocking news - and my supervisor has also
had some similar news about a colleague's father, she's heard of two other
deaths this week too.
(104,f, 30: 19:XX: XX)
Mother's day and felt very down. Wept for the pain of all mothers for an
hour in the afternoon, about mothers being used and abused and acknowledged
the world over. It was a very deep pain, and most unusual for me.
All this seems to have started or come to a head since Friday when I saw
old colleagues and started to talk about old job and boss (very difficult
period in my life).
(104,f, 30: 57:XX: XX)
My present situation is one of frustrated love - my loved one cannot be
with me. Since the remedy, are the different feelings with respect to this
situation - sadness, loneliness, depths of sadness, I wrote to my love 'I
would rather be dead than be like this with no contact.' Before we had
secretive contact full of stress, it was hell, we ended it because it was
making us so ill. But this is worse this is like being in the shadows - dead
having crossed the Styx. It is so strong it could be a proving. I feel
suicidal - so down in the depths of loneliness - needing her to be with me.
No one else will do!'
(102, m, 6: 00:XX: XX)
Animals
Very irritable. The cat is irritating me beyond measure. Threw her to the
ground feeling loss of control. Want to control everything. Used to feel
like this when premenstrual - the feeling would go once the period had
started. This feeling went once I started to take Evening Primrose about 20
years ago.
(103, f, 200: 71:XX: XX)
The house seems in danger of filling up with animals! We've just got 40
ants in an "Ant world", and the kids want a guinea pig and hamster. At the
same time, one of our fish was discovered dead on the floor, having jumped
out and been there at least a week - awful neglect or lack of interest on
our part!
(104,f, 30: 12:XX: XX)
Saw a Kingfisher while walking - amazing sight! Animals seem so important
in my life at the moment.
(104,f, 30: 15:XX:XX)
I feel I'm getting lots of useful information from unexpected sources at
the moment. For example the dog's been unwell and I thought she must have
eaten something, then went for a walk to the park and chatted to 2 council
workmen who told me they'd just found a huge pile of curry (!) under a tree
where the dog had been nosing around yesterday.
(104,f, 30: 16:XX: XX)
A strange and disturbing event. I shut the back door, looked down and saw
half a frog's foot, half it's lower limbs, and half it's upper leg. The
upper part of the leg had the skin off (i.e. the underlying tissue was
exposed.) I couldn't bring myself to open the door for fear of what the rest
of the frog would look like. I got my husband to do that - he called me in -
the frog looked Ok and he let it go and it hopped away. I can't work out the
significance of this event. I feel very sorry for the frog - again an
example of feeling its pain - and its way of dying - because how could it's
survive with such a bad injury.
(103, f, 200: 17:XX: XX)
The horror of looking down and seeing the frog's leg stuck in the door
remains with me as I wake up this morning. I wondered how it was.
(103, f, 200: 18:XX: XX)
Two new animals ensconce in the household - a hamster and a guinea pig (to
join 2 cats, and a big dog, 2 fish and 40 ants.)
(104,f, 30: 23:XX: XX)
Felt as if animals in the house are getting out of control! Everywhere I go
there's a cat or dog or hamster where it shouldn't be! At one stage there
was a cat, a hamster and a guinea pig all on the kitchen table I (maybe it's
the children who are out of control!) There's also mud, sawdust and hay all
over the house and I'm beginning to wonder if it is such a good idea.
(104,f, 30: 25:XX: XX)
At times today I've felt that the animals are controlling us
rather -there's always something that needs doing, or one that needs
rescuing from a situation.
(104,f, 30: 26:XX: XX)
Another fish died through neglect! The complete opposite of what's
happening in dreams where I'm looking after neglected animals. (I am looking
after all the other animals well.)
(104,f, 30: 60:XX: XX)
Anticipation
Sinking anticipatory anxiety felt in stomach on waking, but I've nothing to
feel this way about.
(104,f, 30: 12:XX: XX)
Strongest emotion absolutely nothing. Usual to feel this before menopause
or before meditation, lack of negative emotion feeling of contentment, all
the problems are still there. Started to think about grandchildren - could
feel anxiety but stopped it before it began - cut the loop.
(103, f, 200: 14:XX: XX)
Anxious about giving report to meeting - why do I put myself in these
situations.
(101, m, 1M: 19:XX: XX)
Refugee
(ROS) After son left for school - felt dispossessed like a refugee - "I
don't have anywhere".
(109,f, 200: 14:XX: XX)
Criticism
A lot of criticism from my daughter about how difficult it is to live at
home, I won't let her use the stereo etc., etc., and complaints from 2
patients about how bad they feel on homoeopathy they're not sure they want
anymore treatment. I felt able to stand it but is quite an unusual amount
for me all at the same time. I don't feel particularly affected by all this
criticism.
(103, f, 200: 16:XX: XX)
Information
I feel I'm getting lots of useful information from unexpected sources at
the moment. For example the dog's been unwell and I thought she must have
eaten something, then went for a walk to the park and chatted to 2 council
workmen who told me they'd just fund a huge pile of curry (!) under a tree
where the dog had been nosing around yesterday.
(104,f, 30: 16:XX: XX)
Some more useful information gleaned from a fellow dog walker acquaintance
in the park - to do with a house for rent, which a friend of mine needs. It
feels as if every time I go out, I came home with something useful or
interesting!
(104,f, 30: 17:XX: XX)
Met a friend in the park that I haven't seen for ages - arranged
provisional lunch.
(104,f, 30: 18:XX: XX)
Music
Suddenly really into Bach string music - want it on all the time, it's
tugging at my heart strings ! (Never been interested in it before.)
(104,f, 30: 17:XX: XX)
Introspection
Night seems a threat. Little doubts create big worries. Sense of normality
and freedom.
(1O7,m, 1M: 27:XX: XX)
On the outside looking in.
(11O,f, 1M: 27:XX: XX)
Wanted to drop out of it all.
(110,f, 1M: 28:XX: XX)
Lying in bed at night before sleep and saw a visual image of blue bubbles
rising against a pale blue sky. "Carbon dioxide" came to my mind as a word
(second time I've had a visual image - never had them before).
(104,f, 30: 29:XX: XX)
Found myself thinking about people I used to work with 18 years ago - maybe
I dreamt about them but I don't recall a clear dream.
(104,f, 30: 27:XX: XX)
Introspection - self-analysis - sensation of something traveling from the
top of my head down through my body to feet. Mentally grounded.
(11O,f, 1M: 53:XX: XX)
(ROS) Impressions of my father (twice) - he said "be careful" - has had the
sense of protectiveness. Before this time it was in words.
(103, f. 200: 04: XX: XX)
Despondent
Felt the distance thing again but feel miserable as if I've got the whole
world on my shoulders.
(110,f, 1M: 29:XX: XX)
Felt quite despondent because of several patient cancellations during the
last week.
(103, f, 200: 30:XX: XX)
Felt miserable down in the dumps. Feel as if I've gone to the extreme of
this remedy.
(110,f, 1M: 30:XX: XX)
Despondent and low.
(110,f, IM: 39:XX: XX)
Feel and look as if I'm a hundred years old. (People comment on my
paleness). Low self-esteem - feel unattractive - looked in mirror - 'pale
and miserable'.
(110,f, 1M: 40:XX: XX)
Still low feel dragging and horrible. Don't want to communicate.
(110,f, IM: 41:XX: XX)
Don't want to think about anything - 'I'm dragging on to get through'.
(110,f, 1M: 42:XX: XX)
Exhausted and weepy.
(110,f, 1M: 45:XX: XX)
Feeling low, feeling unattractive, I don't feel feminine. I don't know what
I want anymore. I feel my face and hair is a mess, weepy.
(110,f, 1M: 46:XX: XX)
My 40th birthday and have felt very down for a few days which is most
unusual. Don't know if it's to do with the proving or because I'm turning
40. Close to tears a lot of times, and sobbed my heart out reading a sad
story to my daughter at bedtime. Trying not to feel sorry for myself a lot
of time.
(104,f,1M: 60:XX: XX)
Miscellaneous
Stunned to hear sister has suffered a stroke or cancer of the brain.
(107m, 1M: XX: XX: XX)
Noticed the sense of depression that I used to get briefly on cooking has
not been there since taking the remedy.
(103, f, 200: 04:XX: XX)
I want to eat, drink, and sleep! All things I can ignore usually.
(104,f, 30: 06:XX: XX)
Daughter and I having a few spats about the use of the telephone, she
doesn't like to be told what to do. Situation feels healthier than it was.
(103, f, 200: 09:XX: XX)
Very untidy in bedroom - lots of things on bed. Extra covers wanted wool.
(110,f, 1M: 09:XX: XX)
(ROS) Don't want to do mental work - but want to do physical work.
(109,f, 200: 11:XX: XX)
Woke from a very deep sleep and did not want to get up - wanted to curl up
and sleep again. Felt very warm and cozy. Then all day feeling very sleepy
(not physical tired, but a heavy bleary feeling in my head and eyes).
(104,f, 30: 14:XX: XX)
Tired and lethargic difficult to self-motivate. Possibly a delayed reaction
to suffer.
(101, m, 1M: 18:XX: XX)
Tired after long drive.
(101,m, 1M: 19:XX: XX)
Felt funny on waking: wanted to slip back into my shadow.
(110,f,1M: 19: XX: XX)
(I0S) Fear of cancer is so strong it nearly made me sick. Aware constantly
of a lump on the neck. Need great resolution to rationalize the situation.
Last two days may have seen the return of the remedy, this time more heavy
and threatening.
(107,m, 1M: 19:XX: XX)
Feel people are looking at me and know something is wrong with my eyes.
Felt as if I might burst into tears and would have done it if anyone had
asked if anything was wrong with my eyes.
(110,f, 1M: 23:XX:XX)
Lowness lifting.
(110,f,1M: 48:XX: XX)
Dreams
Animals
Drinking from a saucepan - when I nearly completed it, found something like
a large decomposed slug stuck to the bottom of it - slug is long and large.
Feeling of mild disgust.
(101, m, 1M: 01:XX: XX)
Dream of having a kangaroo as a pet - just like we have a dog - and we had
a collar and lead far the kangaroo - it stood to adult size and to stop it
making a noise (like a barking sound) we had to put our hands to it's mouth.
Also this kangaroo wanted to chase cats (just like a dog)- but its strength
was too strong to hold it back.
(110,f, 1M: 09: XX: XX)
Cleaning out compost bin and found a very large worm in the bottom (i.e.
about one inch in diameter.) Tried to get the worm out (no big drama) to put
it back in the garden - but can't remember if I was successful or not.
(101, m, 1M: 12:XX: XX)
A baby - I was holding it and somebody warned me not to let head go. Then
saw turtles on the floor - eating a rat - thought turtles were vegetarian -
so why were they there?
(109,f, 200: 16:XX: XX)
Daughter was upset about something. Asked her if she would like to see her
rabbit that she had previously given to a friend - she said she would. I
said I would phone her friends mother - I was reluctant to do this because
it seemed my daughter did not want the responsibility of looking after the
rabbit, but wanted the comfort of him when she was feeling down. This
relates to my present irritation with my daughter.
(103, f, 200 10: XX: XX)
Dreamt there was an insect in my bed - an ant? Sat bolt upright, put the
light on and started brushing the bed off with my hand, then realised I had
been dreaming. (I had this dream many times in the past, but not for the
last twelve months.)
(104,f, 30: 13:XX: XX)
I was on a beach where there were loads of stray animals; most of them were
babies. On the sand were two dogs with litters, each lying on a beach towel,
so someone had obviously been helping them. Very beautiful dogs one a red
setter and a golden setter. I got the impression they belong to someone but
I think they had left a note explaining how to care for them. There was a
hamster on the loose and another small furry creature, both living in some
bushes, I picked them up and decided they'd lived there long enough and
seemed healthy enough and should stay there, then I found a cat and a litter
of kittens - a beautiful dark steel colour with light silver grey stripes
that were finely delineated - very beautiful and unusual. I really wanted
one of the kittens to take home, thinking I'd never come across any like
that again.
(104,f, 30: 31: XX: XX)
Dream of a cat I had that died 7 years ago. He was hugely swollen and in
great pain; his kidneys were very swollen and I could feel them through his
skin. We were discussing what to do about him and whether to have him put
down.
(104,f, 30: 60:XX: XX)
Children
Looking after two children - anxious to do it right - I kept tidying after
them.
(103, f, 200: 01:XX: XX)
Old wounds
Dreams about father (who is dead) and sister who dies in the dream (she has
cancer). I was in control of my emotions. Childhood memories - bunk bed etc.
(107,m, 1M: 01:XX: XX)
Urination
Dreams of urination happened twice (but not in reality).
(107,m, 1M: 03:XX: XX)
Nostalgia
Dream lost in an area I used to live, nostalgia again, miss the bus, end up
with a group of strangers, young and old singing Christmas Carols.
(107,m,1M: 03:XX: XX)
Danger/conflict
A mountain going very high but also a coach going extremely fast, on a
precipice, the fall was crossed quickly.
(107,m, 1M: 04:XX: XX)
I was driving and got lost - seek help - helpers all women - menace like a
group of witches or devil worshippers. However feel in control - bump into a
group of tourists, I go to a rather grand hotel, feel as if 'agents' of the
women are there but it doesn't matter, I have no fear on my port, even
contempt, I goad them into fights.
(107,m, 1M: 01:XX: XX)
Working with materials to disguise them so that they don't look hazardous.
(110,f, 1M: 09:XX: XX)
Searching
Being on a retreat where the nuns were wandering from room to room trying
to find someone to give a talk whom they never found.
(101, m, 1M: 07:XX: XX)
I go out and cannot find my car. I am wandering the streets - but it is
lost, there are crowds, it is Italy, it is Christmas, crowds and crowds, I
find a restaurant I was looking for previously.
(102, m, 6: 09:XX: XX)
We struggle down the muddy narrow street. Left I am served and I am eating
in the crowd. I thinking the car has been taken away by the police.
(107,m, 1M: 07:XX: XX)
Frightening dreams initially, and then the sea arrived, then a house
abroad, the return of whether to live there or not.
Driving to take flowers to a girlfriend and realise it was her mother's
house I was taking the flowers - I say to mother - I've brought these to the
wrong house - she smiles coyly.
(102, m, 6: 09:XX: XX)
Sexual
Sexual dream - never been kissed so deliciously then frustration at the
disappearance of the woman.
(107,m, 1M: 07:XX: XX)
I was in my bedroom and an old girlfriend, very young and beautiful is
talking to me through the crack in the part open door. I eventually open the
door and pull her in she is naked and almost perfect, but not quite such
perfect skin, we are making love.
(102, m, 6: 09:XX: XX)
Guilt
Driving a new white sports car - witnessing an accident / car crash but
didn't stop to help - just carried on - not waiting to be involved -
thinking someone would blame me for the accident although it was not my
fault. Turned around and drove back to the crash after a couple of
miles -everything was fairly calm, at scene of accident.
(101, m, 1M: 21:XX: XX)
Invasive
A person (male) kept appearing in my car as I was driving it. I thought "I
must remember to put this in my diary tomorrow, this is syphilitic" but now
on waking can't remember why it is syphilitic. I have never had a dream that
included a conscious thought before a lucid dream. There was no fear just
that the person was there - I suppose he represented my supervisor in my
life. It felt like an invasion, but definitely not unpleasant just curious
he was there.
(103, f, 200: 01: XX: XX)
Yellow
Weird dream - had to check dream and not for real, as it was so vivid. I
was sitting on the floor with some children and when I moved to get up I
noticed a small yellow dot - splodge of yellow discharge - and remember
feeling embarrassed about it - I then tried to discreetly wipe it up but as
I wiped there seemed to be more and more appearing and the small splodge was
now becoming quite a puddle of yellow discharge, On waking I had to check
that no discharge was coming from me as this felt so real.
(110,f, 1M: 23:XX: XX)
Vivid
Dreams are plentiful and very clear, like realistic paintings, all is real
in immense detail in a big house with old friends, my distant lover and I
behaving as if we lived together in great reality.
(102, m, 6: 00:XX: XX)
Grief
(I0S) Dream: My lover was away and I only saw her on Saturdays, we are on
the bed and she says I cannot see her on Saturdays again. I feel jealous and
hurt, pull her hair hard and feel very hurt. These feelings I would have
exactly in the past but now nothing like these so strong.
(102, m, 6: 08:XX: XX)
Inadequacy
(ROS) Dreams of two sad characters in a soap kissing each other two old
women who watch are delighted. Then two glamourous characters kiss - and one
realises that she has settled for second best. I felt sad for her. This
reflects my old feeling about my husband and myself. That I am less than
interesting or attractive and so deserve a person who is the same, but
always felt my husband is not quite the person I should have married. I
should have married someone with a similar intelligence to mine.
(103, f, 200, 01:XX: XX)
Dreams of stepfather's family, his business not doing very well yet he gave
me £50. The dream changes to me being in a class where we were being taught
some dates in history. I'd never heard of any of the events but everyone
else in the class had and they contributed. I felt very stupid that I
couldn't join in.
(103, f, 200: 02: XX: XX)
The scene moved to my Supervisor and I was looking at clothes in the
supermarket and asked supervisor if she had ever heard of the remedy Chattlo
she had and I felt stupid (similar to dream in the class the previous
night.)
(103, f, 200: 03: XX: XX)
Clearing
I'm working in a supermarket with my sister in law - she was the manager
and I'm a mere plebe I asked her what I should do and she suggested I make
sure the aisles were clear. But I said "No, I know what I should do and
that's to clear up the kitchen because all the furniture was in the wrong
place and it badly needed sorting out".
(104,f, 30: 04:XX: XX)
Reflection
Near old school with a kid and an old guy. I tell them about
self-confidence, that they should learn, when young, to nurture it. Stand up
and be counted. (A regret of mine perhaps, so much time lost because of fear
and weakness.
Maybe some steel has been soldered to the spine.)
(107,m, 1M: 21:XX: XX)
Confusion
On a train with my daughter and granddaughter who sat on the other side
with a stranger. I said it was time for granddaughter to go home. The train
set off and I got worried because it was time for granddaughter to go home.
Then I realised we were taking her home on the train.
(103, f, 200: 03: XX: XX)
Guide
I got into a state dancing - felt very tired, lethargic, a homoeopath who I
didn't know - male, tall, enigmatic air, came and said I needed Chattlo (a
remedy) - I was reassured.
The scene moved to my supervisor and I was looking at clothes in the
supermarket and asked supervisor if she had ever heard of the remedy
Chattlo, she had and I felt stupid (similar to dream in the class the
previous night.)
Destruction / regeneration
Two people and myself in a wood clearing surrounded by dead animals,
rabbits, bits of bloody fur, hunting tools etc.
Another image a person with snow falling on them the sky was very bright
behind. It was nuclear snow. Both these dreams have images of destruction.
(103, f, 200: 04: XX: XX)
Working in a meat-processing factory - very friendly unexpectedly so. We
all had somewhere to go for break - the journey back was longer than the
journey there - passing through an area of demolition of buildings for
regeneration - lots of animals, ducks, rabbits, etc. my friend said it would
all have to go.
Then the inside of a very old building with wall paintings. Then I saw a
boy with lots of injuries - bandages and lots of blood. At one point in a
bedroom with lots of pairs of trousers - daughter's new clothes. A woman at
the factory became my friend.
(103, f, 200: 09: XX: XX)
An explosion ripping through a street of stone terraced houses - very
destructive. Only the houses on the right hand side were affected.
(103, f, 200: 11: XX: XX)
Efficiency
In an indoor market lots of stalls and little cubicles. I had been offered
the chance to practice there. My client was one of the other stallholders. I
sat her down and then had to go off and do other things. I did all the other
(can't remember what they were now.) But all the time I was doing them I was
conscious of feeling guilty because this person was waiting for me. When I
finally got back to her she was very annoyed and said there was no time to
do it as it was time for the market to close. I looked around and everyone
was packing up. I thought maybe there was time before the market finally
closed but she said no, she has to pack up also. Feelings guilty, hurry,
feeling an outsider, that I can't get it together to do the job efficiently.
(103, f, 200: 05: XX: XX)
Outsider
The scene shifted to a big 'event' - I had somebody else's ticket which was
spare, to enable me to be there. I wasn't sure what was going on. My friends
said it would be OK. Two people started to move among the crowd looking at
tickets to see who had the tickets with the special lucky numbers on them
and also asking for money - it was a fund raising charity event. I was
worried they would see it wasn't my ticket because there was a photo of the
ticket holder on it and it wasn't mine. My friend said don't worry we'll go
now and meet at a mutual friends house. I made my way to the house carrying
a trouser suit that was creased, so I ironed it on a park bench on the way.
Feeling with the dream feeling an outsider not quite fitting in.
(103, f, 200: 16: XX: XX)
A choir was rehearsing in Swedish I could hear them. I went out for a walk
and came to cross a lane the choir came marching and I had to wait for them.
They stopped as they got to the end of the lane where I was waiting to cross
and cheered and clapped themselves. I got muddled up in them all milling
about. I continued on my way then saw some things for sale on the grass
verge. I picked up a fishing rod that looked very complicated and went to
the little window to ask its price. The man inside ignored me. I stood for a
while and some of the singers came up to buy things. After they had gone I
asked the price of the fishing rod, intending to buy it for my husband -
the man said it was £84 so I put it back because it was too expensive.
Feeling of the dream, slight irritation that the choir had stopped me. They
didn't consider me at all because they were so taken up with what they were
doing - so I felt ignored. I felt resentment that they were served by the
man because they made more noise and I was ignored.
Traffic jam
Lots of cars driving on the right of my view - a traffic jam. I was going
straight on and intending to turn to the left - this was my direction. I was
pleased not to be going into the traffic jam.
(103,f,200: 15: XX: XX)
Train journey
We were waiting for a train. When it came the railway people said the
electricity had failed so they had converted the train into a diesel and
altered it's doors so that they would slide back manually. The doors were
sliding and made from white plywood. I looked for a carriage - the first had
no window, the second had one window so I planned to get in there. The
feeling in the dream was really of going on a train journey.
(103, f, 200: 16: XX: XX)
Nostalgia
I was staying with my mother, but for a short time - 1 1/2 days and it
doesn't feel like it's a proper length visit. We are not in her normal
house, it's nowhere familiar, she gets out loads of old stuff I've never
seen before - loads of half finished canvases of embroideries of Egyptian
architecture - all yellows, golds, ochres in colour. Also an old envelope of
photos of our childhood that I've never seen before, including quite a lot
of me - my hair's too red, or my face too fat, etc. All a slightly different
me I didn't know anything about. At some point in the dream my partner is
packing up the car in a garage adjoining the house.
(104,f, 30: 03:XX: XX)
Lots of old friends from school were around, and it felt as if it was set
in school. General feeling of being included and really wanted at some
points, and ignored or choosing to go off on my own because I'd had enough,
at other points. A school reunion - very informal, and spread out and went
on for God knows how long. At one point someone was reading a newspaper with
an article in it about someone I hardly knew at school who was missing
presumed dead, in some African country, where he'd been working as a
naturalist (in reality is not his sort of thing at all). The article was
accompanied by a school photo, which showed him with his class, so not a
current photo of him. There was a sports day type event, lots of tables with
food on, and a great big stone flagon containing a concoction of fermenting
meat juices - not very nice! No one wanted to take it with them, although
the feeling was that someone should.
(104,f, 30: 10:XX: XX)
Insecure
A long dream where I was sitting on the outer edge of a window, 3 or 4
storeys high, supported by a plastic basket hooked onto the window frame. It
felt very unsafe but I was assured it was safe and there were several people
around, including an old man sitting in a similar basket in the next window.
Very scary, unsafe feeling - I hate heights. At some stage in the dream I
went away and came back to find a woman fiddling with a pair of my pants -
trying to rub out a mark made by her cigarette.
(104,f, 30: 04:XX: XX)
Relationship
I was having a relationship with an unknown woman and was due to move in
with her in 3 days time. The relationship seemed very right and meaningful,
but then I realised I had this awful dilemma - because I had to tell my
current partner and hurt him, or go back on the plans and hurt her. I didn't
know how I could have got into such a situation - it felt awful. A friend of
mine was giving me advice and saying my current partner and I were
completely right for each other and meant to be together. Part of the choice
seemed to be between going to live in a communal set up in the lesbian
relationship, and staying somewhere known and secure. I felt very confused,
guilty and awful on waking.
(108,f, 30: 19:XX: XX)
Another dream on sleeping again - cuddling with a bloke on the back seat of
a bus! Someone I know of, but have never met, and whom I know isn't very
nice in reality, but in the dream I seemed to like him.
(108,f, 30: 19:XX: XX)
Sitting at a picnic table on a hill with a friend and a woman I didn't
know, waiting for my mother and brother to walk up the hill (they were
bringing us drinks), the stranger was going on and on about her marriage
breakdown, and my friend was getting very irritable, so I told the stranger
about my friend's own marriage break up to shut her up. When my brother
arrived, he was wearing lots of jewelry and I asked him for a gin and tonic
and then realised his wife (someone who doesn't like me in reality) was
making it for me and I was surprised. I felt as if they were waiting for us.
Then I was sitting by a big round porthole like window with waves washing
up against it, but I could see a large cove and bay as well.
(104,f, 30: 33:XX: XX)
Family
With lots of members of partner's family trying to organise them into a
coach trip to Tatton Park to see an art exhibition. We were all in another
stately home to start with.
(104,f, 30: 27:XX: XX)
Lack of space
I was driving a friend around somewhere I didn't know in a car that was too
big, and the streets were too narrow - having lots of problems passing cars
and getting around corners.
(104,f, 30: 31:XX: XX)
Amputation
I had a horrific dream that I cut my own leg off! I used a saw and cut it
off just below the knee. I don't know why I did it but it had to be done. I
then left a flap of skin uncut because I had to hold it together to still
get around! No pain experienced, and no blood, just amazement and disgust.
(104,f, 30: 60:XX: XX)
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there are more physicals, but too much for the list.
The proving of thiosinamine
Mind
Waiting
The theme of "waiting patiently" already applies to the proving for me.
Waiting for the proving to start, waiting for the time to be right, delays,
but it is OK.
(104,f 30: Before proving)
Waiting has suddenly come to the fore - I feel I've been waiting for
something dramatic to happen with the proving, but it isn't, and I need to
reconcile myself to the fact that it might not. I feel impatient.
(104,f,30: 05:XX:XX)
2 patients haven't shown this morning, so I've had two hours wasted waiting
for them with no time to get on with anything else. That's wasted time!
(104,f,30: 05:XX:XX)
Waiting is a big part of my supervisors' life at the moment - waiting for
something that could go either way. Also world events the "Clinton Affair -
will he go or won't he?" The UN in Iraq and the British / US threats - will
they or won't they?
(104,f,30: 08:XX:XX)
Size
Feel thinner but know I'm not.
(109,f, 200: 00:XX:XX)
Looked smaller, my features and general being.
(110,f,1M: 08:XX:XX)
I feel taller.
(110,f,1M : 23:XX:XX)
Unreal
Things started to look unreal. Sensation as if not having enough sleep,
dream like state. Like not got a firm grip on things. Like not in your body.
(103, f, 200: 00:02:15)
(ROS) I don't feel quite in the world - culturally things have gone on
around me, I've missed things.
(109,f,200: 00:XX:XX)
Very tired, wanting to lie down, and feeling of everything being unreal
came over me.
(103, f, 200: 00: O3: XX)
Relaxed / contented
Doesn't feel as anxious as of late.
(103,f,200: 00:03:45)
Husband got annoyed at amount of pots to be washed. I was determined not to
bother about this - I would normally get anxious about his anger - I was
sarcastic, sarcastic and scornful and he laughed and came out of his anger.
Felt high from this time as the time progresses.
(103, f, 200: 00:04:25)
Feeling very happy and contented and grounded, and noticing others being
more frazzled than usual.
(104,f,30: 00:XX:XX)
Quite cheerful all day.
(101, m, 1M: 01:XX:XX)
Daughter comments I look well. Feels optimistic. Better in company.
(103, f,200: 01:XX: XX)
Calmer still and more relaxed. I didn't feel hyper before, but this has
given me a different perspective.
(107,m, 1M: 01:XX: XX)
Things feel gentle - the atmosphere in the house, family feels gentle,
cheerful-at one. My partner even smiled first thing in the morning.
(104,f, 30: 02:XX: XX)
Laid back. Feel it will all work out.
(110,f, 1M: 02:XX: XX)
Calm - persistently. Stressful situations did not feel stressful it just
flowed.
(110,f, 1M: 03:XX: XX)
Felt calm all day except when really pushed by the kids, but didn't lose it
even then.
(104,f, 30: 04:XX: XX)
I feel fine - Feel very happy and contented.
(110,f, 1M: 07:XX: XX)
Energy level still high, going with the flow.
(110,f, 1M: 08:XX: XX)
Very relaxed and happy sailed through a stressful situation. Better for
being by the sea.
(110,f, 1M: 09:XX: XX)
Very happy to see a lot of friends - cheerful.
(101, m. 1M: 19:XX: XX)
Got engaged Valentine's day - and we went to see "the dogs" at Bellevue and
had a great time! Not romantic, but fun and a new experience.
(104,f, 30: 24:XX: XX)
Feeling very calm (things change from day to day) and able to cope well
with things happening out of the blue, such as unexpected visitors staying
for tea.
(104,f, 30: 27:XX: XX)
A friend said I looked radiant over the last 2 weeks! She said every time
she sees me she notices more.
(104,f, 30: 44:XX:XX)
Heightened awareness
Heightened awareness, referring to colours, sounds and shapes, More in the
now: things are defined and precise, pure and pristine, no encumbrances. I'm
in the now just accepting it not thinking. Observing without overt reaction.
I feel calm, fairly focused. Notice things more, not intellectually just
instantly. Everything seems slow and defined wasn't thinking about what I
should be doing.
(107,m, 1M: 00:12:00)
My senses were strongly evoked while walking in the park - smells, sights,
and noises. Everything seemed very crisp and nice, although it was grey and
drizzling in reality.
(104,f, 30: 01:XX: XX)
Sounds and shapes more vivid than colours. Noticing more movements in my
peripheral vision. Seem to notice noises more clearly the sound seems to be
amplified.
(107,m, 1M: 01:XX: XX)
Had impression that other provers were a little wild-eyed and 'stoned'
perhaps explains the last few days.
Feel horny and sensual and detached. Remedy has heightened sensuality. Once
again aware of amplification of sound. Whispers, coughs, laughs, as if they
were personal and intimate - as if they involved me. Noticed other people
looking at me but feels good. Felt more confident at college, more in
control of situation, Aware of the harsh side of the remedy but also its
potential for strength. If I can handle the immediacy of it, it can be used
constructively.
(107,m,1M: 21:XX: XX)
Woman got on tram, stands stark opposite. Thought she was sensual and
symbolic. I felt I was controlling the situation and editing/scripting it.
Realised the importance of perspective in interpretation - anything is
possible. Sense of exhilaration.
(107,m, 1M: 21:XX: XX)
Have developed an intense passion for someone I shouldn't have! It's a
hugely deep physical and mental attraction and it feels all consuming and
very distracting. I want to spend all my time fantasising about meeting him,
and to sleep in order to dream about him! It's about passion on the
emotional level, not sexual. About a meeting of minds and hearts, and it
feels so right, but at the same time it feels so wrong because of my
commitment to my partner. All in all, a very sensitive issue, and I keep
trying to push it away and hold on it being a part of the proving, but the
stronger urge is holding onto it because it feels so exciting and new!
(108,f, 30: 20:XX: XX)
Heaviness of thought combined with a lightness of sensation. Aware of every
neuralgia pain and every little itch. A bit hypochondriacal.
After seeing sister my own fears have been heightened.
(1O7,m,1M: 24:XX:XX)
Colours, noises, sounds are vivid again. Sensual feel for the city, cold
almost clinical observation of the chaos that could ensue. Mind lively, body
sluggish.
There is a debilitating quality to the remedy.
(107,m, 1M: 26:XX: XX)
Synchronicity
2 instances of "synchronicity" - I couldn't find the milk in it's usual
place in the corner shop and was told it hadn't arrived yet, and then on
leaving the shop the milk float turned up. It felt as if one minute milk was
completely lacking, and the next it was there in abundance! Later in the day
I was very aware how much milk my daughter was drinking and expressed
concern to her.
(104,f, 30: 00: XX: XX)
Was thinking about how a patient I'd spoken with yesterday she hadn't
mentioned a symptom that's been bothering her a lot recently; then I walked
into my work room to find she was leaving a message on the phone saying
she'd forgotten to mention the symptom and that she was still worried about
it. So both of us had been thinking the same thing at the same time.
(104,f, 30: 00: XX: XX)
I've been thinking about getting my hair cut professionally for the last
two weeks and today a new patient who turned out to have been a very high
class stylist and gave me some advice - although it wasn't asked for! It
felt like wonderful timing - a spur in the right direction.
(104,f, 30: 07:XX: XX)
2 pieces of synchronicity this morning: -
I'd been thinking about a case from three years ago (I haven't seen him for
12 months) with a view to discussing it with students, and this morning his
mother rang to say he needed some more (of the remedy).
(104,f, 30: 08:XX: XX)
Clarity
Feel very clear headed and alert therefore a good sleep refreshed. No
anxiety about seeing patients.
(103, f, 200: 01:XX: XX)
Pleased was able to deal quite firmly and directly with difficult
patients - very slight aggression. Slightly stood back, detached. No
anticipatory feelings. Dealt with her in the here and now - didn't allow
games / messing about.
(103, f, 200: O1: XX: XX)
No sense of hurriedness. Clarity and determination, and accomplish things.
No anxiety.
(103, f, 200: 01: XX: XX)
Need to tidy up (generally untidy), moved some paintings. Old packets and
bottles moved off freezer. Felt needed to tidy up house then tidy up garden,
cut back dead wood etc.
(103, f, 200: 03:XX: XX)
Not feeling as anxious. Not heavy headed.
(103, f, 200: 03: XX:XX)
My husband said out of the blue that the remedy was making me more direct,
assertive, but not bossy. This week more organised.
(103, f, 200: 04:XX:XX)
Visited mum - didn't feel as antagonistic as I normally do. Afterwards she
said she'd come to visit me. Going home I was aware there was a softening to
that idea. Haven't wanted her in the house before, decided to invite her up.
(103, f, 200: 04:XX:XX)
Daughter not home she'd rang earlier to say she was going to be late - keep
her tea warm. Husband angry at waste of electricity. I was untouched by his
anger. Thought they can sort it out between them. (Previously would have
felt a knot in stomach, anxiety and would have tried to appease him.) Felt
empathy with him.
(103, f, 200: 04:XX: XX)
Still tidying - a backlog of case notes, teaching notes.
(103, ft 200: 04:XX: XX)
Found myself cleaning up kitchen - not obsessive just sense of putting
things in order and organising things. Pleasant symptoms efficient, not
efficacious. Sense of well-being.
(103, f, 200: 04:XX: XX)
Looked at garden today and was able to see it clearer i.e. more
observant - able to see a broader picture rather than individual bits, the
whole.
(103, f, 200: 07:XX: XX)
Made daughter get off the phone. In the past would have wanted to, but now
did. Was downright bossy, not dictatorial just firm. Feel very well, quite
calm and optimistic. Getting used to the idea that there is no certainty in
doing the job (homoeopathy) and the results. Job before, felt needed
certainty.
Far more assertive in myself, the external uncertainties don't matter so
much. Feel it's the beginning of a new way of thinking about things, feel
very optimistic about things.
(103, f, 200: 07:XX: XX)
(R0S) Phoned back difficult patient - she was rude, offensive, I wasn't
upset by it.
(103, f, 200: 08:XX: XX)
Supermarket bill was very large this week. D. started to moan about it as
he usually does. I usually ignore his moaning but today I felt very
sympathetic towards him I knew how he felt (This is the same feeling as a
few days ago, when I knew how he felt when he was angry with my daughter.) I
said nothing because I didn't feel anything I said would make it better. He
came round very quickly after 15 minutes to apologise to me for his ranting
on.
(103, f, 200: 10:XX: XX)
I seem to be standing back and getting everything done,
(110,f, 1M: 10:XX: XX)
Did some gardening and cleared away some dead trees and brambles felt
brighter after doing it / more cheerful.
(101, m, 1M: 13:XX: XX)
Busier than usual important meeting pending - felt in control.
(101, m, 1M: 14:XX: XX)
Lots of energy all evening worked till midnight.
(104,f, 30: 13:XX: XX)
Desire to clean - feeling very fastidious - wanted everything to be exact.
(110,f, 1M: 13:XX: XX)
Created festive atmosphere - like Christmas. Desire to stop the world - get
everything sorted and up to date and then get everything started again.
(110,f, 1M: 14:XX: XX)
Phone call from a third difficult patient complaining about treatment,
since the start of the proving. This is unusual for me, my feeling is not as
anxious about this as I would have been, before taking the proving my
feeling was more of concern than anxiety.
(103, f. 200: 17:XX: XX)
Out walking in the Peak District today. Found I was able to make
connections between the various places in the Peak District. In the past
have been familiar with individual places but not able to fix them
together - where they are in relation to each other. Today I found I could.
This is an example of seeing the broader picture that I experienced in my
garden on day 7.
(103, f, 200: 17:XX: XX)
Made a sudden realisation as to the meaning of a recurrent childhood
nightmare, while chatting to a friend - it all fell into place, and was
linked with the film Wizard of Oz - I'd never realised that before, although
now it's blindingly obvious.
(104,f, 30: 17:XX:XX)
Feel very energetic today - as I used to feel in the morning felt
optimistic all day.
(103, f, 200: 18:XX: XX)
My partner and I have decided to get engaged after 17 years of living
together, and 2 children! It seems like a fun, confirming, consolidating
thing to do
(104,f,30: 19: XX:XX)
Feeling very busy in the late evening, wanting to do, not go to bed. Urge
to read in particular.
(104,f, 30: 29:XX: XX)
I had my hair cut for the first time professionally in 7 years! Another
thing I'd been putting off and have at last done!
(104,f, 30: 39:XX: XX)
Feel bright and sparkly, creative once more. Had thought I'd never be right
again. It has dragged its way through me.
(110,f, 1M: 60:XX: XX)
Dictatorial
Bossy. Daughter objected wanted things to be done. More would be
accomplished if she did things and I did things (not bossy normally). Not
dictatorial. Organizing people to take on tasks. Daughter said I looked
well. Feeling calm yet she says I'm bossy. I do not normally ask someone to
do something usually do it myself.
(103, f, 200: 01:XX: XX)
Feel stroppy and bossy - it's fun actually! My partner accused me of
talking like someone out of Eastenders! Behaving in a rude off hand way.
Continued also on and off the next day.
(104, f,30: 09:XX: XX)
Irritability
Conversation on the telephone was abrupt. Every question answered with a "
No,no. Nope, Yep, No." Monosyllabic, abrupt, aggressive.
(100, f, 6: 01:XX: XX)
Alternating between aggression, hysteria and stupor.
(100, f, 6: 01:XX: XX)
Annoyed, slightly shaky after a phone call from a demanding patient. Quite
short on the phone businesslike.
(103, f, 200: 02:XX: XX)
Was direct with daughter, I could feel anger rising, therefore could be
direct without being in a state, she does so little in the house.
(103, f, 200: 02:XX: XX)
A surge of anger toward a difficult patient, while thinking about her.
Patient used to phone daily, now she has come back, looks like she's doing
it again. All at once I decided I would tell her not to phone every day.
Visualised it happening. Never got to a pitch where I thought I could tell
her. Once I decided this, the anger went after 5 minutes but the decision
remained.
(103, f, 200: 02:XX: XX)
General feeling for the day: More anger, lethargy and tiredness. Feeling of
anger is lifting; a lid is lifting off it. Have been keeping the peace for a
couple of years. Keeping
everybody calm, husband and daughter fiery so I have to keep the peace.
(103, f, 200: 02:XX: XX)
Later, everyone was very irritable and definitely not 'at one'. Every
little thing feels so difficult and out to annoy me - inanimate objects
especially. This is completely different to how I felt this morning. Not
able to negotiate with my daughter, just turned her down without listening
to her. Wanted kids out of my hair, in bed, without bedtime stories, and no
argument.
(104,f 30: 02:XX: XX)
(R0S) Felt irritable, hot and bothered before bed, just wanted to be left
alone.
(103, f, 200: 03:XX: XX)
Whole family very irritable and failing to communicate at all.
(104,f, 30: 03:XX: XX)
Annoyed for people being in my way, Irritable with people. Want to be on my
own. Impatient at others slowness - woman
with a pram in front of me "Why is she dithering?" Intolerant (not like
me).
(100, f,6: 03:XX: XX)
Irritable, wanted to be left alone and quiet. Partner asked for help in the
garden felt obliged out of duty.
(101, m,1M: 05:XX: XX)
(I0S) Woke by answer phone, didn't answer it but felt annoyed and agitated
that a difficult patient had managed to disturb me, lasted until 2 pm.
(103, f, 200: 08:XX: XX)
(I0S) Irritable with the kids, couldn't wait to get rid of them
to bed, just wanted rid of them.
(104,f 30: 11:XX: XX)
Irritable in the morning on being challenged about getting on with jobs
that needed doing on the house / garden (i.e. not getting on with them!)
(101, m, 1M: 13:XX: XX)
Busy day - beginning to feel hassled.
(101, m, 1M: 15:XX: XX)
More irritable, felt constrained by job. Felt like an automaton, not in
control.
(107,m, 1M: 17:XX: XX)
Quite wound up at prospect of long drive to meeting.
(101, m, 1M: 18:XX: XX)
On the same night as having a dream about being concerned about animals, my
daughter kept having a dream about a giant wasp that didn't like people. She
came into our room 3 or 4
times, and I was just irritated and said, "Go away"-I didn't even think of
giving her a hug! It felt very callous of me the following morning.
(104,f, 30: 31:XX: XX)
Very irritable and feeling out of control today - actually swore at my
daughter when she spilt water all over my work.
(104,f, 30: 48:XX: XX)
Continued irritability with the family - I seem to create situations where
I can find fault and blow up.
(104,f, 30: 49:XX: XX)
Shouted at grandchildren in an unreasonable way - felt very guilty.
Irritability better for walking. Everything that was a problem has now got
on top of me. I'm hardly able to do anything because everything has to be
done perfectly. There is so much to put in order I don't know where to
start. I don't want to hand over control to anybody.
(103, f, 200: 71:XX: XX)
(From supervisor's diary) Murderous rage. Feels it's hormonal. Total
unreasonable, sheer rage. Things winding me up - granddaughter with
diabetes - constant battle to get her to eat, and the dog. Sheer rage.
(103, f, 200: 71:XX: XX)
Very irritable. The cat is irritating me beyond measure. Threw her to the
ground feeling loss of control. Want to control everything. Used to feel
like this when premenstrual - the feeling would go once the period had
started. This feeling went once I started to take Evening Primrose about 20
years ago.
(103, f, 200: 71: XX: XX)
Disorientated
Took 4 days to write a letter - as if time was slipping by - getting
nowhere fast.
(109,f, 200: 00:XX: XX)
(ROS) I don't feel quite in the world - culturally things have gone on
around me, I've missed things.
(109,f, 200: 00:XX: XX)
Depressed still, also no desire to do anything - desire to drink alcohol.
(102, m, 6: 01:XX: XX)
Disinclined to work.
(102, m, 6: 03:XX: XX)
I feel depressed in a strange way - no great appetite for work a wish to
enjoy myself - drink, sex, pleasure. Tiredness not depressed but despair or
languor. Drink coffee - I know it's wrong but I need something - the urge to
break rules is strong.
No desire to do things I love doing - garden work, studies and writing,
play music, go to cinema, indifference.
(102, m, 6: 08:XX: XX)
Confused. Can't find familiar objects.
(100, f, 6: 01: XX: XX)
Disorientated in familiar surroundings.
(100, f, 6: 01:XX: XX)
Short term memory 'shot at'. Keeps putting things down and not able to find
them even though they are there.
(100, f, 6: 02:XX: XX)
Memory is poor. Loss of memory for familiar things.
(100, f, 6: 01:XX: XX)
Clumsy - dropping things all the time.
(100, f, 6: 01:XX: XX)
Confused and giggling.
(100, f, 6: 02:XX: XX)
Sensation as if brick wall is stopping me from doing things. Can't get
through it. Frustrated. Can't find a way to remember things. Angry about it.
Left my bag of sac lac at supervisors house yesterday (2kg is difficult to
miss) it was in front of my nose and I needed it. I know I've done
things -can't find a way through it. Can't find things. Supervisor observed;
spent a long time rummaging through her bag looking for something that she
had in her hand, (NOTE: Supervisor also lost something, a message very
important, for 3 days. I searched everywhere for it. It had been in my hand
most of that time.)
(100, f, 6: 02:XX: XX)
Circle dancing - felt well and good energy first half, second half not
really there in the room. Feet felt mixed up. Fatigue (3), lay on floor,
dozed, took half an hour to come out of it. Wondered how I would drive home.
Someone asked me if I was OK. She noticed my feet where getting mixed up.
Sensation as if asleep on feet. Wasn't completely in the room. Not in room /
dance.
(103, f. 200: 02:XX: XX)
Made a mistake numbering the day in my diary (only noticed when writing up
the proving notes - this symptom gets worse later on, and I hadn't realised
it had started so soon.)
(104,f, 30: 02:XX: XX)
Still clumsy. Keep dropping things. I've dropped the car keys I don't know
how many times today.
NOTE: Supervisor has constantly been dropping things as well.
(100, f, 6: 03:XX: XX)
So far this month (including the period just before the proving started) 8
patients have got their appointment times and dates wrong - 3 this week so
far! (I've been able to establish it's not my fault!)
(104,f, 30: 07:XX: XX)
A complete lapse of memory - couldn't remember at all if I'd put a remedy
out for a patient to collect although I know I'd prepared it, but it wasn't
where I should have left it. As if a chunk of memory had disappeared, for
something I'd just done.
(104,f, 30: 09:XX: XX)
Felt spaced out before - now don't feel as detached - I felt out of things.
(109,f, 200: 10:XX:XX)
Walking in the precinct - felt weepy, feeble, weak and a bit
pathetic. Confused -what's going on?
(109,f, 200: 13:XX: XX)
Making lots of mistakes in my writing and misspellings - just spelt round
with a 'w' not a 'r'! Can make 3 or 4 in a sentence, but quickly spot them
(when going through proving notes realized I haven't spotted them all.)
(104, f, 30: 12:XX: XX)
Supervisor pointed out I'd got the numbering of all the days in the proving
diary wrong (corrected at writing up stage I)
(104, f, 30: XX: XX: XX)
(I0S) Busy going nowhere.
(109,f. 200: 14:XX: XX)
Energy levels dropping fast, difficult to concentrate, can't remember what
has been said. Embarrassing - feel distant.
(110,f, 1M: 13:XX: XX)
(I0S) Feel very negative - 'What is the point of life? '.
(109,f, 200: 15:XX: XX)
Still a sense of distance - feeling I was being drawn away.
(110,f, 1M:13:XX: XX)
A feeling of everything slipping away from me, out of control. Nothing to
hold on to. There is no logical mind behind this - I did administration
things this morning and worked out a new case in the afternoon - that is I
have had a productive day. Not a feeling of pressure of things to do, more a
feeling of disintegration.
(103, f, 200: 16:XX: XX)
Feel tired and horrible, cannot focus. Driving problem cannot gauge
distance - mustn't drive too close in case I hit
something.
(109. f, 200: 17:XX: XX)
Still feel trapped and out of control, irritable, edgy and tense. Must try
and relax more. Must look to change otherwise health and study will suffer.
(107,m, 1M, 18:XX: XX)
Had a row worse for consolation. Wanted to sneeze, cough (after the row)
but afraid back would go - but symptoms worse for consolation. Felt 'out of
control' - felt as if I was having a convulsion. Felt very alone vulnerable
isolated. They don't deserve me. Decided to antidote the proving.
(109,f, 200: 18:XX: XX)
My mind feels chaotic and so do my surroundings. Work feels out of control
and the house a tip. It all feels too much to put right.
(104,f, 30: 22:XX:XX)
Very aware I'm still making lots of mistakes in writing - sometimes miss
letters out or write just half a letter, i.e. don't complete it.
(104,f, 30: 23:XX: XX)
Three times in the last week I've taken the wrong route on short familiar
local journeys by car. Suddenly realised I'm going the wrong way on journeys
I would never usually even think about! (This is very unusual)
(104,f, 30: 24:XX: XX)
Sluggish (mind) and feeling of unease. A thin insubstantial divide between
control and loss.
(107,m, 1M: 25:XX: XX)
No energy feel zapped.
(110,f, 1M: 25:XX: XX)
Feel decidedly not with it - wandered around. Need to lie down. Want to be
shut off from everything. Repeated this feeling in the evening.
(110,f,1M: 26:XX: XX)
Misjudged distances caused two falls.
(110,f, 1M: 30:XX: XX)
A compulsion to write 1958 instead of 1998 all day, and I've written
today's date a lot today. Each time I have to stop myself from doing it.
('58 is the year of my birth) this symptom lasted only one day.
(104,f, 30: 45:XX: XX)
Felt I acted slightly inappropriately with 3 different patients
today -tearful for a patients state, as I read a remedy essence to her. Too
approving of a patient who is thinking of acting in a potentially unlawful
way, for fear of seeming to judge her. Spent most of a session chatting to a
patient about mutual friends instead of taking his case! Although it was
mainly his doing.
(104,f ,30: 47:XX: XX)
Time
One thing I noticed is that time seems to slow down.
(107,m, 1M: 01:XX: XX)
Not enough space
Driving home felt not with it. Went through one or two gaps where there
wasn't space to fit. Took a few chances, sense of not having enough space.
Other drivers had to move out of my way. (Normally a very cautious driver,
husband always says he can drive in between the space I'm driving in.)
(103, f, 200: 02:XX: XX)
Do not want to be restricted in any way - undo bra - feel uncomfortable,
too tight, and too restrictive.
(110,f, 1M: 13:XX: XX)
Increased energy
A spate of very "earthy" activity which I love - walking the dog, cooked
chocolate brownies, producing a special meal for the family I haven't felt
like baking for months, but it's felt like a real need.
Then relapsed into a "martyr" role of doing all the washing up, cleaning
up, even drying up, and couldn't stop until it was all done and felt
completely exhausted and no one noticed.
(104,f, 30: 03:XX: XX)
Lack of motivation
Went out and stood just waiting for instructions - no motivation, no
initiative, looked sulky, felt difficult and stubborn.
(101, m, 1M: 05:XX: XX)
Irritable in the morning on being challenged about getting on with jobs
that needed doing on the house/garden (i.e. not getting on with them!)
(101, m, 1M: 13:XX: XX)
Feeling of not knowing what I wanted to do, in the evening, I should be
doing something, restlessness.
(104,f, 30, 11:XX: XX)
I have energy but can't get on with anything.
(109,f, 200: 11:XX: XX)
Travel / new opportunities
Travel opportunities in the air.
(110,f, 1M: 02:XX: XX)
A lot of travel and distance seems to be the theme, possibly of foreign
travel. Distant foreign travels, not just Europe. This feels different.
(110,f, 1M: 05:XX: XX)
Found I was doing something completely new for me: - looking for jobs for
my partner (he's unhappy in his current job) and I was actually looking at
jobs elsewhere in the country, and abroad, and finding myself open to the
possibility that moving away from here might be an option, and even quite
exciting ! I've always been adamant that I'll never move from this house,
let alone from Manchester, but suddenly the possibility was there, and it
wasn't even scary! For me this is a huge shift. Maybe we've been in
Manchester too long??! Feels like itchy feet.
(104,f, 30: O6: XX: XX)
Lot of travel and moving around me - been to travel agents to get house
details, exciting - 2 months ago would have not thought about traveling and
moving.
(110,f, 1M: 17:XX: XX)
Quite excited at thought of going away for the weekend.
(101, m, 1M: 18:XX: XX)
Have developed an intense passion for someone I shouldn't have! It's a
hugely deep physical and mental attraction and it feels all consuming and
very distracting. I want to spend all my time fantasising about meeting him,
and to sleep in order to dream about him. It's about passion on the
emotional level, not sexual. About a meeting of minds and hearts, and it
feels so right ...but at the same time it feels so wrong because of my
commitment to my partner. All in all, a very sensitive issue, and I keep
trying to push it away and hold on it being a part of the proving, but the
stronger urge is holding onto it because it feels so exciting and new!
(108,f, 30: 20:XX: XX)
Grief / old wounds
(I0S) Grief - deep crying about: Dogs dying, a friend's son, a bit about
my mother - feelings of deep sadness for the grief of others in the world -
not depression, just sadness. Sunshine makes these feelings worse.
(103, f, 200: 08:XX: XX)
(I0S) Deep anger about sexual abuse came up - a lot of it aimed at my
stepfather who abused my daughter as a child.
(103, f, 200: 08:XX: XX)
(R0S) I am thinking about my Dad (died 5 years ago)
(109,f, 200: 14:XX: XX)
The horror of looking down and seeing the frog's leg stuck in the door
remains with me as I wake up this morning. I wondered how it was.
(103, f, 200: 18:XX: XX)
A friend's ex husband has died - shocking news - and my supervisor has also
had some similar news about a colleague's father, she's heard of two other
deaths this week too.
(104,f, 30: 19:XX: XX)
Mother's day and felt very down. Wept for the pain of all mothers for an
hour in the afternoon, about mothers being used and abused and acknowledged
the world over. It was a very deep pain, and most unusual for me.
All this seems to have started or come to a head since Friday when I saw
old colleagues and started to talk about old job and boss (very difficult
period in my life).
(104,f, 30: 57:XX: XX)
My present situation is one of frustrated love - my loved one cannot be
with me. Since the remedy, are the different feelings with respect to this
situation - sadness, loneliness, depths of sadness, I wrote to my love 'I
would rather be dead than be like this with no contact.' Before we had
secretive contact full of stress, it was hell, we ended it because it was
making us so ill. But this is worse this is like being in the shadows - dead
having crossed the Styx. It is so strong it could be a proving. I feel
suicidal - so down in the depths of loneliness - needing her to be with me.
No one else will do!'
(102, m, 6: 00:XX: XX)
Animals
Very irritable. The cat is irritating me beyond measure. Threw her to the
ground feeling loss of control. Want to control everything. Used to feel
like this when premenstrual - the feeling would go once the period had
started. This feeling went once I started to take Evening Primrose about 20
years ago.
(103, f, 200: 71:XX: XX)
The house seems in danger of filling up with animals! We've just got 40
ants in an "Ant world", and the kids want a guinea pig and hamster. At the
same time, one of our fish was discovered dead on the floor, having jumped
out and been there at least a week - awful neglect or lack of interest on
our part!
(104,f, 30: 12:XX: XX)
Saw a Kingfisher while walking - amazing sight! Animals seem so important
in my life at the moment.
(104,f, 30: 15:XX:XX)
I feel I'm getting lots of useful information from unexpected sources at
the moment. For example the dog's been unwell and I thought she must have
eaten something, then went for a walk to the park and chatted to 2 council
workmen who told me they'd just found a huge pile of curry (!) under a tree
where the dog had been nosing around yesterday.
(104,f, 30: 16:XX: XX)
A strange and disturbing event. I shut the back door, looked down and saw
half a frog's foot, half it's lower limbs, and half it's upper leg. The
upper part of the leg had the skin off (i.e. the underlying tissue was
exposed.) I couldn't bring myself to open the door for fear of what the rest
of the frog would look like. I got my husband to do that - he called me in -
the frog looked Ok and he let it go and it hopped away. I can't work out the
significance of this event. I feel very sorry for the frog - again an
example of feeling its pain - and its way of dying - because how could it's
survive with such a bad injury.
(103, f, 200: 17:XX: XX)
The horror of looking down and seeing the frog's leg stuck in the door
remains with me as I wake up this morning. I wondered how it was.
(103, f, 200: 18:XX: XX)
Two new animals ensconce in the household - a hamster and a guinea pig (to
join 2 cats, and a big dog, 2 fish and 40 ants.)
(104,f, 30: 23:XX: XX)
Felt as if animals in the house are getting out of control! Everywhere I go
there's a cat or dog or hamster where it shouldn't be! At one stage there
was a cat, a hamster and a guinea pig all on the kitchen table I (maybe it's
the children who are out of control!) There's also mud, sawdust and hay all
over the house and I'm beginning to wonder if it is such a good idea.
(104,f, 30: 25:XX: XX)
At times today I've felt that the animals are controlling us
rather -there's always something that needs doing, or one that needs
rescuing from a situation.
(104,f, 30: 26:XX: XX)
Another fish died through neglect! The complete opposite of what's
happening in dreams where I'm looking after neglected animals. (I am looking
after all the other animals well.)
(104,f, 30: 60:XX: XX)
Anticipation
Sinking anticipatory anxiety felt in stomach on waking, but I've nothing to
feel this way about.
(104,f, 30: 12:XX: XX)
Strongest emotion absolutely nothing. Usual to feel this before menopause
or before meditation, lack of negative emotion feeling of contentment, all
the problems are still there. Started to think about grandchildren - could
feel anxiety but stopped it before it began - cut the loop.
(103, f, 200: 14:XX: XX)
Anxious about giving report to meeting - why do I put myself in these
situations.
(101, m, 1M: 19:XX: XX)
Refugee
(ROS) After son left for school - felt dispossessed like a refugee - "I
don't have anywhere".
(109,f, 200: 14:XX: XX)
Criticism
A lot of criticism from my daughter about how difficult it is to live at
home, I won't let her use the stereo etc., etc., and complaints from 2
patients about how bad they feel on homoeopathy they're not sure they want
anymore treatment. I felt able to stand it but is quite an unusual amount
for me all at the same time. I don't feel particularly affected by all this
criticism.
(103, f, 200: 16:XX: XX)
Information
I feel I'm getting lots of useful information from unexpected sources at
the moment. For example the dog's been unwell and I thought she must have
eaten something, then went for a walk to the park and chatted to 2 council
workmen who told me they'd just fund a huge pile of curry (!) under a tree
where the dog had been nosing around yesterday.
(104,f, 30: 16:XX: XX)
Some more useful information gleaned from a fellow dog walker acquaintance
in the park - to do with a house for rent, which a friend of mine needs. It
feels as if every time I go out, I came home with something useful or
interesting!
(104,f, 30: 17:XX: XX)
Met a friend in the park that I haven't seen for ages - arranged
provisional lunch.
(104,f, 30: 18:XX: XX)
Music
Suddenly really into Bach string music - want it on all the time, it's
tugging at my heart strings ! (Never been interested in it before.)
(104,f, 30: 17:XX: XX)
Introspection
Night seems a threat. Little doubts create big worries. Sense of normality
and freedom.
(1O7,m, 1M: 27:XX: XX)
On the outside looking in.
(11O,f, 1M: 27:XX: XX)
Wanted to drop out of it all.
(110,f, 1M: 28:XX: XX)
Lying in bed at night before sleep and saw a visual image of blue bubbles
rising against a pale blue sky. "Carbon dioxide" came to my mind as a word
(second time I've had a visual image - never had them before).
(104,f, 30: 29:XX: XX)
Found myself thinking about people I used to work with 18 years ago - maybe
I dreamt about them but I don't recall a clear dream.
(104,f, 30: 27:XX: XX)
Introspection - self-analysis - sensation of something traveling from the
top of my head down through my body to feet. Mentally grounded.
(11O,f, 1M: 53:XX: XX)
(ROS) Impressions of my father (twice) - he said "be careful" - has had the
sense of protectiveness. Before this time it was in words.
(103, f. 200: 04: XX: XX)
Despondent
Felt the distance thing again but feel miserable as if I've got the whole
world on my shoulders.
(110,f, 1M: 29:XX: XX)
Felt quite despondent because of several patient cancellations during the
last week.
(103, f, 200: 30:XX: XX)
Felt miserable down in the dumps. Feel as if I've gone to the extreme of
this remedy.
(110,f, 1M: 30:XX: XX)
Despondent and low.
(110,f, IM: 39:XX: XX)
Feel and look as if I'm a hundred years old. (People comment on my
paleness). Low self-esteem - feel unattractive - looked in mirror - 'pale
and miserable'.
(110,f, 1M: 40:XX: XX)
Still low feel dragging and horrible. Don't want to communicate.
(110,f, IM: 41:XX: XX)
Don't want to think about anything - 'I'm dragging on to get through'.
(110,f, 1M: 42:XX: XX)
Exhausted and weepy.
(110,f, 1M: 45:XX: XX)
Feeling low, feeling unattractive, I don't feel feminine. I don't know what
I want anymore. I feel my face and hair is a mess, weepy.
(110,f, 1M: 46:XX: XX)
My 40th birthday and have felt very down for a few days which is most
unusual. Don't know if it's to do with the proving or because I'm turning
40. Close to tears a lot of times, and sobbed my heart out reading a sad
story to my daughter at bedtime. Trying not to feel sorry for myself a lot
of time.
(104,f,1M: 60:XX: XX)
Miscellaneous
Stunned to hear sister has suffered a stroke or cancer of the brain.
(107m, 1M: XX: XX: XX)
Noticed the sense of depression that I used to get briefly on cooking has
not been there since taking the remedy.
(103, f, 200: 04:XX: XX)
I want to eat, drink, and sleep! All things I can ignore usually.
(104,f, 30: 06:XX: XX)
Daughter and I having a few spats about the use of the telephone, she
doesn't like to be told what to do. Situation feels healthier than it was.
(103, f, 200: 09:XX: XX)
Very untidy in bedroom - lots of things on bed. Extra covers wanted wool.
(110,f, 1M: 09:XX: XX)
(ROS) Don't want to do mental work - but want to do physical work.
(109,f, 200: 11:XX: XX)
Woke from a very deep sleep and did not want to get up - wanted to curl up
and sleep again. Felt very warm and cozy. Then all day feeling very sleepy
(not physical tired, but a heavy bleary feeling in my head and eyes).
(104,f, 30: 14:XX: XX)
Tired and lethargic difficult to self-motivate. Possibly a delayed reaction
to suffer.
(101, m, 1M: 18:XX: XX)
Tired after long drive.
(101,m, 1M: 19:XX: XX)
Felt funny on waking: wanted to slip back into my shadow.
(110,f,1M: 19: XX: XX)
(I0S) Fear of cancer is so strong it nearly made me sick. Aware constantly
of a lump on the neck. Need great resolution to rationalize the situation.
Last two days may have seen the return of the remedy, this time more heavy
and threatening.
(107,m, 1M: 19:XX: XX)
Feel people are looking at me and know something is wrong with my eyes.
Felt as if I might burst into tears and would have done it if anyone had
asked if anything was wrong with my eyes.
(110,f, 1M: 23:XX:XX)
Lowness lifting.
(110,f,1M: 48:XX: XX)
Dreams
Animals
Drinking from a saucepan - when I nearly completed it, found something like
a large decomposed slug stuck to the bottom of it - slug is long and large.
Feeling of mild disgust.
(101, m, 1M: 01:XX: XX)
Dream of having a kangaroo as a pet - just like we have a dog - and we had
a collar and lead far the kangaroo - it stood to adult size and to stop it
making a noise (like a barking sound) we had to put our hands to it's mouth.
Also this kangaroo wanted to chase cats (just like a dog)- but its strength
was too strong to hold it back.
(110,f, 1M: 09: XX: XX)
Cleaning out compost bin and found a very large worm in the bottom (i.e.
about one inch in diameter.) Tried to get the worm out (no big drama) to put
it back in the garden - but can't remember if I was successful or not.
(101, m, 1M: 12:XX: XX)
A baby - I was holding it and somebody warned me not to let head go. Then
saw turtles on the floor - eating a rat - thought turtles were vegetarian -
so why were they there?
(109,f, 200: 16:XX: XX)
Daughter was upset about something. Asked her if she would like to see her
rabbit that she had previously given to a friend - she said she would. I
said I would phone her friends mother - I was reluctant to do this because
it seemed my daughter did not want the responsibility of looking after the
rabbit, but wanted the comfort of him when she was feeling down. This
relates to my present irritation with my daughter.
(103, f, 200 10: XX: XX)
Dreamt there was an insect in my bed - an ant? Sat bolt upright, put the
light on and started brushing the bed off with my hand, then realised I had
been dreaming. (I had this dream many times in the past, but not for the
last twelve months.)
(104,f, 30: 13:XX: XX)
I was on a beach where there were loads of stray animals; most of them were
babies. On the sand were two dogs with litters, each lying on a beach towel,
so someone had obviously been helping them. Very beautiful dogs one a red
setter and a golden setter. I got the impression they belong to someone but
I think they had left a note explaining how to care for them. There was a
hamster on the loose and another small furry creature, both living in some
bushes, I picked them up and decided they'd lived there long enough and
seemed healthy enough and should stay there, then I found a cat and a litter
of kittens - a beautiful dark steel colour with light silver grey stripes
that were finely delineated - very beautiful and unusual. I really wanted
one of the kittens to take home, thinking I'd never come across any like
that again.
(104,f, 30: 31: XX: XX)
Dream of a cat I had that died 7 years ago. He was hugely swollen and in
great pain; his kidneys were very swollen and I could feel them through his
skin. We were discussing what to do about him and whether to have him put
down.
(104,f, 30: 60:XX: XX)
Children
Looking after two children - anxious to do it right - I kept tidying after
them.
(103, f, 200: 01:XX: XX)
Old wounds
Dreams about father (who is dead) and sister who dies in the dream (she has
cancer). I was in control of my emotions. Childhood memories - bunk bed etc.
(107,m, 1M: 01:XX: XX)
Urination
Dreams of urination happened twice (but not in reality).
(107,m, 1M: 03:XX: XX)
Nostalgia
Dream lost in an area I used to live, nostalgia again, miss the bus, end up
with a group of strangers, young and old singing Christmas Carols.
(107,m,1M: 03:XX: XX)
Danger/conflict
A mountain going very high but also a coach going extremely fast, on a
precipice, the fall was crossed quickly.
(107,m, 1M: 04:XX: XX)
I was driving and got lost - seek help - helpers all women - menace like a
group of witches or devil worshippers. However feel in control - bump into a
group of tourists, I go to a rather grand hotel, feel as if 'agents' of the
women are there but it doesn't matter, I have no fear on my port, even
contempt, I goad them into fights.
(107,m, 1M: 01:XX: XX)
Working with materials to disguise them so that they don't look hazardous.
(110,f, 1M: 09:XX: XX)
Searching
Being on a retreat where the nuns were wandering from room to room trying
to find someone to give a talk whom they never found.
(101, m, 1M: 07:XX: XX)
I go out and cannot find my car. I am wandering the streets - but it is
lost, there are crowds, it is Italy, it is Christmas, crowds and crowds, I
find a restaurant I was looking for previously.
(102, m, 6: 09:XX: XX)
We struggle down the muddy narrow street. Left I am served and I am eating
in the crowd. I thinking the car has been taken away by the police.
(107,m, 1M: 07:XX: XX)
Frightening dreams initially, and then the sea arrived, then a house
abroad, the return of whether to live there or not.
Driving to take flowers to a girlfriend and realise it was her mother's
house I was taking the flowers - I say to mother - I've brought these to the
wrong house - she smiles coyly.
(102, m, 6: 09:XX: XX)
Sexual
Sexual dream - never been kissed so deliciously then frustration at the
disappearance of the woman.
(107,m, 1M: 07:XX: XX)
I was in my bedroom and an old girlfriend, very young and beautiful is
talking to me through the crack in the part open door. I eventually open the
door and pull her in she is naked and almost perfect, but not quite such
perfect skin, we are making love.
(102, m, 6: 09:XX: XX)
Guilt
Driving a new white sports car - witnessing an accident / car crash but
didn't stop to help - just carried on - not waiting to be involved -
thinking someone would blame me for the accident although it was not my
fault. Turned around and drove back to the crash after a couple of
miles -everything was fairly calm, at scene of accident.
(101, m, 1M: 21:XX: XX)
Invasive
A person (male) kept appearing in my car as I was driving it. I thought "I
must remember to put this in my diary tomorrow, this is syphilitic" but now
on waking can't remember why it is syphilitic. I have never had a dream that
included a conscious thought before a lucid dream. There was no fear just
that the person was there - I suppose he represented my supervisor in my
life. It felt like an invasion, but definitely not unpleasant just curious
he was there.
(103, f, 200: 01: XX: XX)
Yellow
Weird dream - had to check dream and not for real, as it was so vivid. I
was sitting on the floor with some children and when I moved to get up I
noticed a small yellow dot - splodge of yellow discharge - and remember
feeling embarrassed about it - I then tried to discreetly wipe it up but as
I wiped there seemed to be more and more appearing and the small splodge was
now becoming quite a puddle of yellow discharge, On waking I had to check
that no discharge was coming from me as this felt so real.
(110,f, 1M: 23:XX: XX)
Vivid
Dreams are plentiful and very clear, like realistic paintings, all is real
in immense detail in a big house with old friends, my distant lover and I
behaving as if we lived together in great reality.
(102, m, 6: 00:XX: XX)
Grief
(I0S) Dream: My lover was away and I only saw her on Saturdays, we are on
the bed and she says I cannot see her on Saturdays again. I feel jealous and
hurt, pull her hair hard and feel very hurt. These feelings I would have
exactly in the past but now nothing like these so strong.
(102, m, 6: 08:XX: XX)
Inadequacy
(ROS) Dreams of two sad characters in a soap kissing each other two old
women who watch are delighted. Then two glamourous characters kiss - and one
realises that she has settled for second best. I felt sad for her. This
reflects my old feeling about my husband and myself. That I am less than
interesting or attractive and so deserve a person who is the same, but
always felt my husband is not quite the person I should have married. I
should have married someone with a similar intelligence to mine.
(103, f, 200, 01:XX: XX)
Dreams of stepfather's family, his business not doing very well yet he gave
me £50. The dream changes to me being in a class where we were being taught
some dates in history. I'd never heard of any of the events but everyone
else in the class had and they contributed. I felt very stupid that I
couldn't join in.
(103, f, 200: 02: XX: XX)
The scene moved to my Supervisor and I was looking at clothes in the
supermarket and asked supervisor if she had ever heard of the remedy Chattlo
she had and I felt stupid (similar to dream in the class the previous
night.)
(103, f, 200: 03: XX: XX)
Clearing
I'm working in a supermarket with my sister in law - she was the manager
and I'm a mere plebe I asked her what I should do and she suggested I make
sure the aisles were clear. But I said "No, I know what I should do and
that's to clear up the kitchen because all the furniture was in the wrong
place and it badly needed sorting out".
(104,f, 30: 04:XX: XX)
Reflection
Near old school with a kid and an old guy. I tell them about
self-confidence, that they should learn, when young, to nurture it. Stand up
and be counted. (A regret of mine perhaps, so much time lost because of fear
and weakness.
Maybe some steel has been soldered to the spine.)
(107,m, 1M: 21:XX: XX)
Confusion
On a train with my daughter and granddaughter who sat on the other side
with a stranger. I said it was time for granddaughter to go home. The train
set off and I got worried because it was time for granddaughter to go home.
Then I realised we were taking her home on the train.
(103, f, 200: 03: XX: XX)
Guide
I got into a state dancing - felt very tired, lethargic, a homoeopath who I
didn't know - male, tall, enigmatic air, came and said I needed Chattlo (a
remedy) - I was reassured.
The scene moved to my supervisor and I was looking at clothes in the
supermarket and asked supervisor if she had ever heard of the remedy
Chattlo, she had and I felt stupid (similar to dream in the class the
previous night.)
Destruction / regeneration
Two people and myself in a wood clearing surrounded by dead animals,
rabbits, bits of bloody fur, hunting tools etc.
Another image a person with snow falling on them the sky was very bright
behind. It was nuclear snow. Both these dreams have images of destruction.
(103, f, 200: 04: XX: XX)
Working in a meat-processing factory - very friendly unexpectedly so. We
all had somewhere to go for break - the journey back was longer than the
journey there - passing through an area of demolition of buildings for
regeneration - lots of animals, ducks, rabbits, etc. my friend said it would
all have to go.
Then the inside of a very old building with wall paintings. Then I saw a
boy with lots of injuries - bandages and lots of blood. At one point in a
bedroom with lots of pairs of trousers - daughter's new clothes. A woman at
the factory became my friend.
(103, f, 200: 09: XX: XX)
An explosion ripping through a street of stone terraced houses - very
destructive. Only the houses on the right hand side were affected.
(103, f, 200: 11: XX: XX)
Efficiency
In an indoor market lots of stalls and little cubicles. I had been offered
the chance to practice there. My client was one of the other stallholders. I
sat her down and then had to go off and do other things. I did all the other
(can't remember what they were now.) But all the time I was doing them I was
conscious of feeling guilty because this person was waiting for me. When I
finally got back to her she was very annoyed and said there was no time to
do it as it was time for the market to close. I looked around and everyone
was packing up. I thought maybe there was time before the market finally
closed but she said no, she has to pack up also. Feelings guilty, hurry,
feeling an outsider, that I can't get it together to do the job efficiently.
(103, f, 200: 05: XX: XX)
Outsider
The scene shifted to a big 'event' - I had somebody else's ticket which was
spare, to enable me to be there. I wasn't sure what was going on. My friends
said it would be OK. Two people started to move among the crowd looking at
tickets to see who had the tickets with the special lucky numbers on them
and also asking for money - it was a fund raising charity event. I was
worried they would see it wasn't my ticket because there was a photo of the
ticket holder on it and it wasn't mine. My friend said don't worry we'll go
now and meet at a mutual friends house. I made my way to the house carrying
a trouser suit that was creased, so I ironed it on a park bench on the way.
Feeling with the dream feeling an outsider not quite fitting in.
(103, f, 200: 16: XX: XX)
A choir was rehearsing in Swedish I could hear them. I went out for a walk
and came to cross a lane the choir came marching and I had to wait for them.
They stopped as they got to the end of the lane where I was waiting to cross
and cheered and clapped themselves. I got muddled up in them all milling
about. I continued on my way then saw some things for sale on the grass
verge. I picked up a fishing rod that looked very complicated and went to
the little window to ask its price. The man inside ignored me. I stood for a
while and some of the singers came up to buy things. After they had gone I
asked the price of the fishing rod, intending to buy it for my husband -
the man said it was £84 so I put it back because it was too expensive.
Feeling of the dream, slight irritation that the choir had stopped me. They
didn't consider me at all because they were so taken up with what they were
doing - so I felt ignored. I felt resentment that they were served by the
man because they made more noise and I was ignored.
Traffic jam
Lots of cars driving on the right of my view - a traffic jam. I was going
straight on and intending to turn to the left - this was my direction. I was
pleased not to be going into the traffic jam.
(103,f,200: 15: XX: XX)
Train journey
We were waiting for a train. When it came the railway people said the
electricity had failed so they had converted the train into a diesel and
altered it's doors so that they would slide back manually. The doors were
sliding and made from white plywood. I looked for a carriage - the first had
no window, the second had one window so I planned to get in there. The
feeling in the dream was really of going on a train journey.
(103, f, 200: 16: XX: XX)
Nostalgia
I was staying with my mother, but for a short time - 1 1/2 days and it
doesn't feel like it's a proper length visit. We are not in her normal
house, it's nowhere familiar, she gets out loads of old stuff I've never
seen before - loads of half finished canvases of embroideries of Egyptian
architecture - all yellows, golds, ochres in colour. Also an old envelope of
photos of our childhood that I've never seen before, including quite a lot
of me - my hair's too red, or my face too fat, etc. All a slightly different
me I didn't know anything about. At some point in the dream my partner is
packing up the car in a garage adjoining the house.
(104,f, 30: 03:XX: XX)
Lots of old friends from school were around, and it felt as if it was set
in school. General feeling of being included and really wanted at some
points, and ignored or choosing to go off on my own because I'd had enough,
at other points. A school reunion - very informal, and spread out and went
on for God knows how long. At one point someone was reading a newspaper with
an article in it about someone I hardly knew at school who was missing
presumed dead, in some African country, where he'd been working as a
naturalist (in reality is not his sort of thing at all). The article was
accompanied by a school photo, which showed him with his class, so not a
current photo of him. There was a sports day type event, lots of tables with
food on, and a great big stone flagon containing a concoction of fermenting
meat juices - not very nice! No one wanted to take it with them, although
the feeling was that someone should.
(104,f, 30: 10:XX: XX)
Insecure
A long dream where I was sitting on the outer edge of a window, 3 or 4
storeys high, supported by a plastic basket hooked onto the window frame. It
felt very unsafe but I was assured it was safe and there were several people
around, including an old man sitting in a similar basket in the next window.
Very scary, unsafe feeling - I hate heights. At some stage in the dream I
went away and came back to find a woman fiddling with a pair of my pants -
trying to rub out a mark made by her cigarette.
(104,f, 30: 04:XX: XX)
Relationship
I was having a relationship with an unknown woman and was due to move in
with her in 3 days time. The relationship seemed very right and meaningful,
but then I realised I had this awful dilemma - because I had to tell my
current partner and hurt him, or go back on the plans and hurt her. I didn't
know how I could have got into such a situation - it felt awful. A friend of
mine was giving me advice and saying my current partner and I were
completely right for each other and meant to be together. Part of the choice
seemed to be between going to live in a communal set up in the lesbian
relationship, and staying somewhere known and secure. I felt very confused,
guilty and awful on waking.
(108,f, 30: 19:XX: XX)
Another dream on sleeping again - cuddling with a bloke on the back seat of
a bus! Someone I know of, but have never met, and whom I know isn't very
nice in reality, but in the dream I seemed to like him.
(108,f, 30: 19:XX: XX)
Sitting at a picnic table on a hill with a friend and a woman I didn't
know, waiting for my mother and brother to walk up the hill (they were
bringing us drinks), the stranger was going on and on about her marriage
breakdown, and my friend was getting very irritable, so I told the stranger
about my friend's own marriage break up to shut her up. When my brother
arrived, he was wearing lots of jewelry and I asked him for a gin and tonic
and then realised his wife (someone who doesn't like me in reality) was
making it for me and I was surprised. I felt as if they were waiting for us.
Then I was sitting by a big round porthole like window with waves washing
up against it, but I could see a large cove and bay as well.
(104,f, 30: 33:XX: XX)
Family
With lots of members of partner's family trying to organise them into a
coach trip to Tatton Park to see an art exhibition. We were all in another
stately home to start with.
(104,f, 30: 27:XX: XX)
Lack of space
I was driving a friend around somewhere I didn't know in a car that was too
big, and the streets were too narrow - having lots of problems passing cars
and getting around corners.
(104,f, 30: 31:XX: XX)
Amputation
I had a horrific dream that I cut my own leg off! I used a saw and cut it
off just below the knee. I don't know why I did it but it had to be done. I
then left a flap of skin uncut because I had to hold it together to still
get around! No pain experienced, and no blood, just amazement and disgust.
(104,f, 30: 60:XX: XX)
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-
Jean Doherty
- Posts: 1576
- Joined: Fri Apr 12, 2002 10:00 pm
Re: Thiosinaminum
Thanks Rob, quite fascinating/ Regards Jean
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
-
Shannon Nelson
- Posts: 8848
- Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2002 10:00 pm
Re: Thiosinaminum
Hi Robyn,
Thanks for sending this!
Can anyone help me understand something: So much in at least hte first part
of this proving is positive, sounds like healing responses rather than
prescribing symptoms(???). So can I assume that potential prescribing
symptoms might include the reverse (polarity?) of these apparently positive
responses, e.g. perhaps from
Things feel gentle - the atmosphere in the house, family feels gentle,
cheerful-at one. My partner even smiled first thing in the morning.
(104,f, 30: 02:XX: XX)
Laid back. Feel it will all work out.
(110,f, 1M: 02:XX: XX)
Calm - persistently. Stressful situations did not feel stressful it just
flowed.
(110,f, 1M: 03:XX: XX)
Felt calm all day except when really pushed by the kids, but didn't lose it
even then.
(104,f, 30: 04:XX: XX)
I feel fine - Feel very happy and contented.
(110,f, 1M: 07:XX: XX)
Energy level still high, going with the flow.
(110,f, 1M: 08:XX: XX)
Very relaxed and happy sailed through a stressful situation. Better for
being by the sea.
we might consider as prescribing symptoms things such as harshness, anxiety,
feeling harrassed, etc.?
Thanks!
Shannon
on 7/25/04 8:38 AM, Rob at folcook@dodo.com.au wrote:
Thanks for sending this!
Can anyone help me understand something: So much in at least hte first part
of this proving is positive, sounds like healing responses rather than
prescribing symptoms(???). So can I assume that potential prescribing
symptoms might include the reverse (polarity?) of these apparently positive
responses, e.g. perhaps from
Things feel gentle - the atmosphere in the house, family feels gentle,
cheerful-at one. My partner even smiled first thing in the morning.
(104,f, 30: 02:XX: XX)
Laid back. Feel it will all work out.
(110,f, 1M: 02:XX: XX)
Calm - persistently. Stressful situations did not feel stressful it just
flowed.
(110,f, 1M: 03:XX: XX)
Felt calm all day except when really pushed by the kids, but didn't lose it
even then.
(104,f, 30: 04:XX: XX)
I feel fine - Feel very happy and contented.
(110,f, 1M: 07:XX: XX)
Energy level still high, going with the flow.
(110,f, 1M: 08:XX: XX)
Very relaxed and happy sailed through a stressful situation. Better for
being by the sea.
we might consider as prescribing symptoms things such as harshness, anxiety,
feeling harrassed, etc.?
Thanks!
Shannon
on 7/25/04 8:38 AM, Rob at folcook@dodo.com.au wrote:
Re: Thiosinaminum
To a certain extent you can take these sx at face value but they have to
have a context and would make more sense when you have an actual case that
presents with such sx as these that are part of a pathology and not as
healthy situations per se.
For example there are a number of rubrics in the reps that might represent
'healthy' states - such as 'cheerful', 'calmness', 'confident', 'vivacious',
'tranquility', 'smiling', 'optimistic' - to name but a few. You could ask
why these rubrics are there (obviously they arise within the provings), why
are they needed to be cured.
A diseased state is a departure from health, it is all about change and the
inability to adapt and if these seemingly healthy sx begin to appear within
someone, i.e. they are new sx but part of an obvious downward spiral from
health to disease then they become inappropriate to health and will begin to
be represented as being 'out of proportion', i.e. excessive, and thus
important sx within the case and very much part of what needs to be cured.
Someone just recently mentioned the desire for calm that Nux vomica has and
this is very true of this remedy - but the context for this is the other
side of nux, the angry and over worked and over stimulated state. So, the
need for calm is related to that and thus needs to be cured as much as the
anger.
This is the same with the sx you ask about in Thios.
But you also need to remember what Thios is = a chemical derivative from
volatile mustard oil which is also pungent, burning, cathartic and
irritating.
Interestingly, one of the reasons this substance was chosen for a new
proving was that it was known to have healing of old scar tissue in its sx
picture. So, in a way those polarities you mention are hinted at but it is
vital that you don't turn a symptom around too much, otherwise you re-invent
the symptoms and they become unreliable.
Hope useful, Joy
www.homeopathicmateriamedica.com
on 26/7/04 5:24 PM, Bob&Shannon at shannonnelson@tds.net wrote:
Hi Robyn,
Thanks for sending this!
Can anyone help me understand something: So much in at least hte first part
of this proving is positive, sounds like healing responses rather than
prescribing symptoms(???). So can I assume that potential prescribing
symptoms might include the reverse (polarity?) of these apparently positive
responses, e.g. perhaps from
Things feel gentle - the atmosphere in the house, family feels gentle,
cheerful-at one. My partner even smiled first thing in the morning.
(104,f, 30: 02:XX: XX)
Laid back. Feel it will all work out.
(110,f, 1M: 02:XX: XX)
Calm - persistently. Stressful situations did not feel stressful it just
flowed.
(110,f, 1M: 03:XX: XX)
Felt calm all day except when really pushed by the kids, but didn't lose it
even then.
(104,f, 30: 04:XX: XX)
I feel fine - Feel very happy and contented.
(110,f, 1M: 07:XX: XX)
Energy level still high, going with the flow.
(110,f, 1M: 08:XX: XX)
Very relaxed and happy sailed through a stressful situation. Better for
being by the sea.
we might consider as prescribing symptoms things such as harshness, anxiety,
feeling harrassed, etc.?
Thanks!
Shannon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
have a context and would make more sense when you have an actual case that
presents with such sx as these that are part of a pathology and not as
healthy situations per se.
For example there are a number of rubrics in the reps that might represent
'healthy' states - such as 'cheerful', 'calmness', 'confident', 'vivacious',
'tranquility', 'smiling', 'optimistic' - to name but a few. You could ask
why these rubrics are there (obviously they arise within the provings), why
are they needed to be cured.
A diseased state is a departure from health, it is all about change and the
inability to adapt and if these seemingly healthy sx begin to appear within
someone, i.e. they are new sx but part of an obvious downward spiral from
health to disease then they become inappropriate to health and will begin to
be represented as being 'out of proportion', i.e. excessive, and thus
important sx within the case and very much part of what needs to be cured.
Someone just recently mentioned the desire for calm that Nux vomica has and
this is very true of this remedy - but the context for this is the other
side of nux, the angry and over worked and over stimulated state. So, the
need for calm is related to that and thus needs to be cured as much as the
anger.
This is the same with the sx you ask about in Thios.
But you also need to remember what Thios is = a chemical derivative from
volatile mustard oil which is also pungent, burning, cathartic and
irritating.
Interestingly, one of the reasons this substance was chosen for a new
proving was that it was known to have healing of old scar tissue in its sx
picture. So, in a way those polarities you mention are hinted at but it is
vital that you don't turn a symptom around too much, otherwise you re-invent
the symptoms and they become unreliable.
Hope useful, Joy
www.homeopathicmateriamedica.com
on 26/7/04 5:24 PM, Bob&Shannon at shannonnelson@tds.net wrote:
Hi Robyn,
Thanks for sending this!
Can anyone help me understand something: So much in at least hte first part
of this proving is positive, sounds like healing responses rather than
prescribing symptoms(???). So can I assume that potential prescribing
symptoms might include the reverse (polarity?) of these apparently positive
responses, e.g. perhaps from
Things feel gentle - the atmosphere in the house, family feels gentle,
cheerful-at one. My partner even smiled first thing in the morning.
(104,f, 30: 02:XX: XX)
Laid back. Feel it will all work out.
(110,f, 1M: 02:XX: XX)
Calm - persistently. Stressful situations did not feel stressful it just
flowed.
(110,f, 1M: 03:XX: XX)
Felt calm all day except when really pushed by the kids, but didn't lose it
even then.
(104,f, 30: 04:XX: XX)
I feel fine - Feel very happy and contented.
(110,f, 1M: 07:XX: XX)
Energy level still high, going with the flow.
(110,f, 1M: 08:XX: XX)
Very relaxed and happy sailed through a stressful situation. Better for
being by the sea.
we might consider as prescribing symptoms things such as harshness, anxiety,
feeling harrassed, etc.?
Thanks!
Shannon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Re: Thiosinaminum
Dear Shannon,
I have just dug out a leaflet Tony gave us during a lecture on this proving. Together with my jottings I have the following information:-
Theme - waiting for something to happen - keep talking about "I want to do ...... but don't know which way to turn. i.e. at a crossroads.
"There are 2 sides to the patient- light and dark. The light side is full of confidence , the dark side full of fear and trepidation but both sides to exist within the same person."
"The right side intuition, creativity is blocked- but for this side to be open again - he first needs to reverse (over past experiences ) before he can move forward again. He may have to go backwards before he can go forward again.
Lack of Intuition
Time fritters away
Clearing out.
Procrastination.
Rx States
1) Debilitated
- Grieving , thinking about old wounds from the past
Old physical wounds not healing quickly
A sense of unrealness
feeling constricted and lacking space
Confused and lacking motivation
Disorientation
Despondent
Lassitude
An overall feeling of heaviness
Inadequacy
Insecure
Irritable;e
Anxiety of conscience
Feeling like an outsider or a refugee, not belonging to the rest of the group
Feels smaller
Time seems to slow down
Fear of cancer
2) Intermediate state
Destruction/regeneration
Clearing
Reflection on what he needs to do in the future
Nostalgia
Waiting
3) Vibrant state
Feeling relaxed/contented
Increased energy
The senses heightened awareness
Enhanced sensual awareness
Clarity of thoughts and thinking
Feeling of new opportunities and travel
Feels taller
Assertiveness
OK that's it and here you have your polarities. I hope this is useful
All the best
Rochelle
www.rochellemarsden.co.uk
I have just dug out a leaflet Tony gave us during a lecture on this proving. Together with my jottings I have the following information:-
Theme - waiting for something to happen - keep talking about "I want to do ...... but don't know which way to turn. i.e. at a crossroads.
"There are 2 sides to the patient- light and dark. The light side is full of confidence , the dark side full of fear and trepidation but both sides to exist within the same person."
"The right side intuition, creativity is blocked- but for this side to be open again - he first needs to reverse (over past experiences ) before he can move forward again. He may have to go backwards before he can go forward again.
Lack of Intuition
Time fritters away
Clearing out.
Procrastination.
Rx States
1) Debilitated
- Grieving , thinking about old wounds from the past
Old physical wounds not healing quickly
A sense of unrealness
feeling constricted and lacking space
Confused and lacking motivation
Disorientation
Despondent
Lassitude
An overall feeling of heaviness
Inadequacy
Insecure
Irritable;e
Anxiety of conscience
Feeling like an outsider or a refugee, not belonging to the rest of the group
Feels smaller
Time seems to slow down
Fear of cancer
2) Intermediate state
Destruction/regeneration
Clearing
Reflection on what he needs to do in the future
Nostalgia
Waiting
3) Vibrant state
Feeling relaxed/contented
Increased energy
The senses heightened awareness
Enhanced sensual awareness
Clarity of thoughts and thinking
Feeling of new opportunities and travel
Feels taller
Assertiveness
OK that's it and here you have your polarities. I hope this is useful
All the best
Rochelle
www.rochellemarsden.co.uk
-
Shannon Nelson
- Posts: 8848
- Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2002 10:00 pm
Re: Thiosinaminum
Rochelle,
Wow, this is *great*, thanks!
So a person in the "vibrant state" might be subject to elements of the other
states during or after times of duress??? And we'd assume that if they're
in that "vibrant state" they might be coming for help with issues on other
levels, i.e. either old physical scars or other of the physical
symptomatology of the remedy?
Shannon
on 7/26/04 12:39 PM, rochelle at rochelle@ntlworld.com wrote:
Wow, this is *great*, thanks!
So a person in the "vibrant state" might be subject to elements of the other
states during or after times of duress??? And we'd assume that if they're
in that "vibrant state" they might be coming for help with issues on other
levels, i.e. either old physical scars or other of the physical
symptomatology of the remedy?
Shannon
on 7/26/04 12:39 PM, rochelle at rochelle@ntlworld.com wrote:
-
Jean Doherty
- Posts: 1576
- Joined: Fri Apr 12, 2002 10:00 pm
Re: Thiosinaminum
This case I was just making a start with and wished to follow up . There
are other remedies I was sure she needed but the fissure a definite
nuisance.
She seemed to open up and be receptive. Now is in denial, states never felt
better and certainly not
wishing to go further at moment. So maybe as Joy suggested remedy has
produced this positive state that is not necessarily appropriate. I think
this is what she meant? Thank you all Jean
3) Vibrant state
Feeling relaxed/contented
Increased energy
The senses heightened awareness
Enhanced sensual awareness
Clarity of thoughts and thinking
Feeling of new opportunities and travel
Feels taller
Assertiveness
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
are other remedies I was sure she needed but the fissure a definite
nuisance.
She seemed to open up and be receptive. Now is in denial, states never felt
better and certainly not
wishing to go further at moment. So maybe as Joy suggested remedy has
produced this positive state that is not necessarily appropriate. I think
this is what she meant? Thank you all Jean
3) Vibrant state
Feeling relaxed/contented
Increased energy
The senses heightened awareness
Enhanced sensual awareness
Clarity of thoughts and thinking
Feeling of new opportunities and travel
Feels taller
Assertiveness
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]