Cancer care and emotions
Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2001 3:22 pm
Dear Soroush and All,
I have not yet treated any cancer or terminally ill
people with homeopathy (I'm not that advanced in my
studies, and its not legal in the state of NY for any
nurse to diagnose and treat without a physician's
license). However I have been a registered nurse for
19 years and 3 of them have been spent working as a
hospice nurse.
There are lots of emotions with these people as well
as any persons who are moving through any
life-changing events and illness, injuries, etc.
I have to say that homeopathy is so well suited for
working with these people in that the very act of just
listening to their stories is so therapeutic for them!
And homeopaths are such excellent listeners.
Our society has so much fear surrounding cancer, death
and dying that no one gives these patients any time to
verbalize or communicate their fears, their wishes and
the hell they've been living through since their
diagnosis. Medical staff included. With today's
emphasis on "staying positive" all the time, these
people don't feel free to really express what they are
feeling, because it is far from "positive." Most of
them are 'trying to stay strong' for their parents,
children, spouses, etc, that they won't share what
they really feel. The families in turn are 'trying to
stay strong' for the patient. All individuals feel so
isolated and alone because of this. Its a very lonely
disease. And most of society is too fearful to hear
what needs to be expressed. These people are often
shunned and avoided, because not many know what to do
for them or how to handle the emotions that come
pouring out. Or just the fear of having to face your
own mortality by watching another in front of you
decline so rapidly (as many times is the case.)
To really be open, sit there, and listen to their
stories and pain and connect with them helps them
through so much. Don't turn off their tears or
expressions of anger. Don't tell them that a cure will
soon be found. Sit quietly and listen, offer tissues,
something to drink (tea, water, etc), hold hands, a
pat on the hand, shoulder or arm, but don't turn off
their emotions. Ask 'what can I do to help?' and then
provide that help or help connect them to services
that can be helpful. Many times they will want to
talk over and over the same things- how they noticed
that something was not right or that they were sick
for awhile, how they were diagnosed, how they were
told by the doctor that they had cancer and what
happened after that. We call that "processing" and it
takes a long time for people to "process" the
diagnosis of cancer (and other life-changing
illnesses, and injuries also) and the events leading
up to it and how they were given their diagnosis. You
probably will hear this story repeated alot from the
patient, until he/she has 'accepted' it all
him/herself.
I highly recommend Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's books on
death and dying for the stages that someone moves
through- not only for death and dying, but moving
through anykind of major grief and loss.
I think the attitude thats helpful to have is that you
are there to be supportive of that patient in however
way that person wants - in whatever modality he/she
feels they need to heal from this experience - whether
it be allopathic or homeopathic or otherwise. Allow
the person to do what he/she feels is needed. Do not
be judgmental, be supportive. Help provide
information to that person and family so that they can
make good choices for the way they want to handle this
crisis. Many times not much can be done except to
listen and just be physically there.
Help that person to live whatever time is left with
integrity and quality. Help them to focus on small
things that bring joy and pleasure, help them feel
well enough to participate in those things that bring
them happiness and hold meaning for them. With
whatever meaning he/she wants it to have. Help them
to look forward to things - a visit from a friend,
looking at some photos, a birthday celebration, a car
ride, etc.
And you are correct, healing sometimes comes in the
form of death.
To be with a person and walk with him/her through the
last days is a privilege and a gift - for both him/her
and yourself.
Its very important to feel the emotions in yourself as
they come up and to be able to talk with someone about
that. It very important to express those emotions to
someone - good friend, colleagues, spiritual support
persons, so that you can work through your own
emotions and not let that get in the way of you
helping that patient and truly being open to their
needs. Its good to hug these patients and their
families, and its good also to attend wakes and
funerals and memorial services for those who have
died.
Yes, you will grieve also.
I would have to say that its most difficult to work
with those who are your own age, or younger. Working
with parents whose 6 year old is terminally ill, or a
terminally ill 16 year old who just received an
acceptance letter to college, or a terminally ill
mother who is 30 something years old with a family is
not easy. Somehow, an elderly person who has lived a
full life and is ready 'to go home' is much easier.
God Bless,
JoAnn
__________________________________________________
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Find the one for you at Yahoo! Personals
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I have not yet treated any cancer or terminally ill
people with homeopathy (I'm not that advanced in my
studies, and its not legal in the state of NY for any
nurse to diagnose and treat without a physician's
license). However I have been a registered nurse for
19 years and 3 of them have been spent working as a
hospice nurse.
There are lots of emotions with these people as well
as any persons who are moving through any
life-changing events and illness, injuries, etc.
I have to say that homeopathy is so well suited for
working with these people in that the very act of just
listening to their stories is so therapeutic for them!
And homeopaths are such excellent listeners.
Our society has so much fear surrounding cancer, death
and dying that no one gives these patients any time to
verbalize or communicate their fears, their wishes and
the hell they've been living through since their
diagnosis. Medical staff included. With today's
emphasis on "staying positive" all the time, these
people don't feel free to really express what they are
feeling, because it is far from "positive." Most of
them are 'trying to stay strong' for their parents,
children, spouses, etc, that they won't share what
they really feel. The families in turn are 'trying to
stay strong' for the patient. All individuals feel so
isolated and alone because of this. Its a very lonely
disease. And most of society is too fearful to hear
what needs to be expressed. These people are often
shunned and avoided, because not many know what to do
for them or how to handle the emotions that come
pouring out. Or just the fear of having to face your
own mortality by watching another in front of you
decline so rapidly (as many times is the case.)
To really be open, sit there, and listen to their
stories and pain and connect with them helps them
through so much. Don't turn off their tears or
expressions of anger. Don't tell them that a cure will
soon be found. Sit quietly and listen, offer tissues,
something to drink (tea, water, etc), hold hands, a
pat on the hand, shoulder or arm, but don't turn off
their emotions. Ask 'what can I do to help?' and then
provide that help or help connect them to services
that can be helpful. Many times they will want to
talk over and over the same things- how they noticed
that something was not right or that they were sick
for awhile, how they were diagnosed, how they were
told by the doctor that they had cancer and what
happened after that. We call that "processing" and it
takes a long time for people to "process" the
diagnosis of cancer (and other life-changing
illnesses, and injuries also) and the events leading
up to it and how they were given their diagnosis. You
probably will hear this story repeated alot from the
patient, until he/she has 'accepted' it all
him/herself.
I highly recommend Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's books on
death and dying for the stages that someone moves
through- not only for death and dying, but moving
through anykind of major grief and loss.
I think the attitude thats helpful to have is that you
are there to be supportive of that patient in however
way that person wants - in whatever modality he/she
feels they need to heal from this experience - whether
it be allopathic or homeopathic or otherwise. Allow
the person to do what he/she feels is needed. Do not
be judgmental, be supportive. Help provide
information to that person and family so that they can
make good choices for the way they want to handle this
crisis. Many times not much can be done except to
listen and just be physically there.
Help that person to live whatever time is left with
integrity and quality. Help them to focus on small
things that bring joy and pleasure, help them feel
well enough to participate in those things that bring
them happiness and hold meaning for them. With
whatever meaning he/she wants it to have. Help them
to look forward to things - a visit from a friend,
looking at some photos, a birthday celebration, a car
ride, etc.
And you are correct, healing sometimes comes in the
form of death.
To be with a person and walk with him/her through the
last days is a privilege and a gift - for both him/her
and yourself.
Its very important to feel the emotions in yourself as
they come up and to be able to talk with someone about
that. It very important to express those emotions to
someone - good friend, colleagues, spiritual support
persons, so that you can work through your own
emotions and not let that get in the way of you
helping that patient and truly being open to their
needs. Its good to hug these patients and their
families, and its good also to attend wakes and
funerals and memorial services for those who have
died.
Yes, you will grieve also.
I would have to say that its most difficult to work
with those who are your own age, or younger. Working
with parents whose 6 year old is terminally ill, or a
terminally ill 16 year old who just received an
acceptance letter to college, or a terminally ill
mother who is 30 something years old with a family is
not easy. Somehow, an elderly person who has lived a
full life and is ready 'to go home' is much easier.
God Bless,
JoAnn
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Find the one for you at Yahoo! Personals
http://personals.yahoo.com