Case of second male twin
Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2003 6:28 am
This is the case of Twin M, the second of the 32 year old male twins whose situation I described in a different e-mail.
With M, the central issue has always been lack of self-acceptance, accompanied by extreme social anxiety -- worry about what people say or think about him. Since the age of 8 or 9, he's been inordinately worried that he's too short. He's also been acutely aware of the fact that he is not socially at ease, and anxious about it..
Talking is his big issue, after being short (delusion too short -- he's not THAT short). In social situations, he observes others' ease, and then afterward complains that he can't talk like that. He feels he can't express his feelings or his desires. This situation brings on a panicky situation, with his heart pounding and his hands sweating profusely. He says "At times I feel I am mute!" If someone is going to come over to the house, he paces all around -- although he's actually smiling because he wants to see the person. But he's also sweating bullets from his hands, and feels his heart pounding in his chest -- great anticipatory anxiety as well as anguished anxiety during the social situation. He also has said many times that he doesn't think his voice is masculine enough.
His yardstick for whether he's tall enough or has a masculine enough voice is one specific Indian movie actor, who has been his idol since he was 8 or so. He apparently adopted this actor as his definition of how a person "should" look or sound to be socially acceptable. Now, as he sees how the actor is aging, he feels very sad, and is thinking of his own death as well. There doesn;t seem to be any delusional identification with the actor, just a total adoration of him as the ideal toward which M wants to strive.
M, like A, was a fun-loving, creative boy, although less intellectually apt than A. Terrible shyness was his overwhelming problem. His intelligence was probably -- apparently -- within normal range, although on the slightly slow side -- certainly by comparison with A. But he kept up with A, and the creative inventions they collaborated in make me think that he was certainly above average in creativity, like A. M graduated from high school, but dropped out of university because he found it too hard.
M seems to blame others rather than himself. He said at one point that "Before I was born, I was much more attractive, and my parents made me ugly."
M became slightly depressed when A got sick. But his real breaking point came when relatives visited from their middle eastern country of origin and while they were watching family videos, one of the cousins remarked jokingly that M had the same shirt on in several of the videos. He felt insulted.
He had what appears to have been a delusional manic episode at that point. Delusion ants were crawling all over him, with a red itching eruption on the palms of his hands. He was desperate to quell the hot, itching, crawling sensation all over his body, took off all his clothes, put baby powder all over himself, turned on the fan and stood in front of it, ran around the house, rolled on the floor. He was unable to read after that, although he tried to (like A, he also reads, writes, and speaks three languages). When they took him to the psychiatrist, he pushed over all the furniture (definitely manic). He was treated for schizophrenia, and since then has been profoundly depressed, waiting, counting minutes, hours, and days until something will happen so he can die -- but this has been the medication effect. Like A, he was also fun-loving, and loved entertainment, movies, and music.
Constitutionally, he used to wake up gasping for air, feeling of being under water and suffocating -- tubercular -- lots of problems with breathing. He also has a history of peeling palms, and cold sweat on the palms. He sleeps with his head bent backward. He has masturbated since he was about 2, feels guilty about it, and also does it secretly, not inappropriately in social situations. He's myopic, but his vision is worse in one eye than the other (F doesn't remember which). Of course he,too,had the undescended testicles (which is not an especially reliable rubric in the repertory).
Like A, he too, given his druthers, wants to return to childhood, youth, Middle eastern coountry -- life was much better then. Dwelling on the enjoyable aspects of the past.
Except for his depression, he's basically with it, aware of his surroundings and sensitive to what's going on. He's more bipolar than schizophrenic.
So, for M, we need a remedy for someone extremely shy, delusions too short or ugly, mania, delusion criticized, anxiety and delusional problems around talking and expressing his feelings, extremely anxious about social situations, anticipatory anxiety, homesickness for and dwelling on a better past, eruptions, sweating, and peeling of palms, dyspnea at night with feeling of suffocation, masturbation or desire increased or something along those lines, sleep (on stomach or side) with head bent backward, formication or delusion crawling. I've thought about Lac-c as one possibility.
I'll appreciate your thoughts.
Rosemary
Rosemary C. Hyde, Ph.D.
www.carepathpartners.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
With M, the central issue has always been lack of self-acceptance, accompanied by extreme social anxiety -- worry about what people say or think about him. Since the age of 8 or 9, he's been inordinately worried that he's too short. He's also been acutely aware of the fact that he is not socially at ease, and anxious about it..
Talking is his big issue, after being short (delusion too short -- he's not THAT short). In social situations, he observes others' ease, and then afterward complains that he can't talk like that. He feels he can't express his feelings or his desires. This situation brings on a panicky situation, with his heart pounding and his hands sweating profusely. He says "At times I feel I am mute!" If someone is going to come over to the house, he paces all around -- although he's actually smiling because he wants to see the person. But he's also sweating bullets from his hands, and feels his heart pounding in his chest -- great anticipatory anxiety as well as anguished anxiety during the social situation. He also has said many times that he doesn't think his voice is masculine enough.
His yardstick for whether he's tall enough or has a masculine enough voice is one specific Indian movie actor, who has been his idol since he was 8 or so. He apparently adopted this actor as his definition of how a person "should" look or sound to be socially acceptable. Now, as he sees how the actor is aging, he feels very sad, and is thinking of his own death as well. There doesn;t seem to be any delusional identification with the actor, just a total adoration of him as the ideal toward which M wants to strive.
M, like A, was a fun-loving, creative boy, although less intellectually apt than A. Terrible shyness was his overwhelming problem. His intelligence was probably -- apparently -- within normal range, although on the slightly slow side -- certainly by comparison with A. But he kept up with A, and the creative inventions they collaborated in make me think that he was certainly above average in creativity, like A. M graduated from high school, but dropped out of university because he found it too hard.
M seems to blame others rather than himself. He said at one point that "Before I was born, I was much more attractive, and my parents made me ugly."
M became slightly depressed when A got sick. But his real breaking point came when relatives visited from their middle eastern country of origin and while they were watching family videos, one of the cousins remarked jokingly that M had the same shirt on in several of the videos. He felt insulted.
He had what appears to have been a delusional manic episode at that point. Delusion ants were crawling all over him, with a red itching eruption on the palms of his hands. He was desperate to quell the hot, itching, crawling sensation all over his body, took off all his clothes, put baby powder all over himself, turned on the fan and stood in front of it, ran around the house, rolled on the floor. He was unable to read after that, although he tried to (like A, he also reads, writes, and speaks three languages). When they took him to the psychiatrist, he pushed over all the furniture (definitely manic). He was treated for schizophrenia, and since then has been profoundly depressed, waiting, counting minutes, hours, and days until something will happen so he can die -- but this has been the medication effect. Like A, he was also fun-loving, and loved entertainment, movies, and music.
Constitutionally, he used to wake up gasping for air, feeling of being under water and suffocating -- tubercular -- lots of problems with breathing. He also has a history of peeling palms, and cold sweat on the palms. He sleeps with his head bent backward. He has masturbated since he was about 2, feels guilty about it, and also does it secretly, not inappropriately in social situations. He's myopic, but his vision is worse in one eye than the other (F doesn't remember which). Of course he,too,had the undescended testicles (which is not an especially reliable rubric in the repertory).
Like A, he too, given his druthers, wants to return to childhood, youth, Middle eastern coountry -- life was much better then. Dwelling on the enjoyable aspects of the past.
Except for his depression, he's basically with it, aware of his surroundings and sensitive to what's going on. He's more bipolar than schizophrenic.
So, for M, we need a remedy for someone extremely shy, delusions too short or ugly, mania, delusion criticized, anxiety and delusional problems around talking and expressing his feelings, extremely anxious about social situations, anticipatory anxiety, homesickness for and dwelling on a better past, eruptions, sweating, and peeling of palms, dyspnea at night with feeling of suffocation, masturbation or desire increased or something along those lines, sleep (on stomach or side) with head bent backward, formication or delusion crawling. I've thought about Lac-c as one possibility.
I'll appreciate your thoughts.
Rosemary
Rosemary C. Hyde, Ph.D.
www.carepathpartners.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]