blocks to listening
Posted: Tue Nov 26, 2002 3:32 pm
When TAKING THE CASE be aware of these hinders:-
1) COMPARING - this makes it hard to listen because you are always trying to
assess who is cleverer, more competent, more emotionally healthy - you or
the client. You stop listening because you are too busy seeing if you
measure up.
2) MIND READING - the mind reader doesn't pay attention to what is being
said, in fact it is often distrusted. They are trying to work out what the
client is really thinking and feeling. The homeopaths notions of the other
person are often born out of intuitive hunches and vague misgivings.
3) REHEARSING - you don't have time to listen when you are rehearsing what
to say next. Your attention is on preparation and crafting of your next
comment. You have to look interested but your mind is going a mile a minute.
4) FILTERING - when you filter some things go in and a lot doesn't. You pay
only enough attention to see if somebody is angry or unhappy or if you are
in emotional danger. Once assured that the communication contains none of
these things you let your mind wander.
5) JUDGING - if you pre-judge someone as stupid, neurotic or unqualified you
don't pay enough attention to what they say. Any form of prejudice is a
judgement. You have already written them off. A basic rule of listening is
that judgements, if necessary, should only be made after you have heard and
evaluated the content of the message.
6) DREAMING - you are only half listening and something the client says
triggers a private train of thought. Boredom and anxiety can lead one to
start dreaming - a big effort is needed sometimes to stay tuned in to what
the client is telling you. Dreaming can mean a lack of commitment.
7) IDENTIFYING - you take everything the client tells you and refer it back
to your own experience. Everything you hear reminds you of something you
have felt, done or suffered, so there is no real time to hear or get to know
what the client is telling you.
8) ADVISING - you are a great problem solver, ready with help and
suggestions. You don't have to hear more than a few sentences before you
begin searching for the right advice. It is a form of repellent, preventing
you to getting to the core of the story being told.
9) SPARRING - this has you arguing and debating with your client who never
feels as though they are being heard because you are too quick to disagree.
You take strong stands and are very clear about your beliefs and
preferences, which hinders the progress of the consultation.
10) BEING RIGHT - you will go to any lengths to avoid being wrong, you
cannot listen to criticism, you cannot be corrected and you cannot take
suggestions to change. Since you won't acknowledge your mistakes you keep
making them. Frequent wrong prescriptions are an indication of this.
11) DERAILING - this is accomplished by suddenly changing the subject, you
derail the conversation when you get bored or uncomfortable with a topic, or
you manage to joke it off. This can be very disconcerting to a client who
might then feel alienated.
12) PLACATING - you want to be nice, to be loved and appreciated by your
clients, so you agree with everything.
13) BOMBARDING - you impose unnecessary methods or skills onto your client
to impress them - examining them, taking blood pressure, using fancy medical
equipment, etc. You want your client to believe you are more practised that
what you really are, a way of overcoming an actual lack of confidence or a
show of arrogance.
Hopefully useful,
best wishes, Joy Lucas
1) COMPARING - this makes it hard to listen because you are always trying to
assess who is cleverer, more competent, more emotionally healthy - you or
the client. You stop listening because you are too busy seeing if you
measure up.
2) MIND READING - the mind reader doesn't pay attention to what is being
said, in fact it is often distrusted. They are trying to work out what the
client is really thinking and feeling. The homeopaths notions of the other
person are often born out of intuitive hunches and vague misgivings.
3) REHEARSING - you don't have time to listen when you are rehearsing what
to say next. Your attention is on preparation and crafting of your next
comment. You have to look interested but your mind is going a mile a minute.
4) FILTERING - when you filter some things go in and a lot doesn't. You pay
only enough attention to see if somebody is angry or unhappy or if you are
in emotional danger. Once assured that the communication contains none of
these things you let your mind wander.
5) JUDGING - if you pre-judge someone as stupid, neurotic or unqualified you
don't pay enough attention to what they say. Any form of prejudice is a
judgement. You have already written them off. A basic rule of listening is
that judgements, if necessary, should only be made after you have heard and
evaluated the content of the message.
6) DREAMING - you are only half listening and something the client says
triggers a private train of thought. Boredom and anxiety can lead one to
start dreaming - a big effort is needed sometimes to stay tuned in to what
the client is telling you. Dreaming can mean a lack of commitment.
7) IDENTIFYING - you take everything the client tells you and refer it back
to your own experience. Everything you hear reminds you of something you
have felt, done or suffered, so there is no real time to hear or get to know
what the client is telling you.
8) ADVISING - you are a great problem solver, ready with help and
suggestions. You don't have to hear more than a few sentences before you
begin searching for the right advice. It is a form of repellent, preventing
you to getting to the core of the story being told.
9) SPARRING - this has you arguing and debating with your client who never
feels as though they are being heard because you are too quick to disagree.
You take strong stands and are very clear about your beliefs and
preferences, which hinders the progress of the consultation.
10) BEING RIGHT - you will go to any lengths to avoid being wrong, you
cannot listen to criticism, you cannot be corrected and you cannot take
suggestions to change. Since you won't acknowledge your mistakes you keep
making them. Frequent wrong prescriptions are an indication of this.
11) DERAILING - this is accomplished by suddenly changing the subject, you
derail the conversation when you get bored or uncomfortable with a topic, or
you manage to joke it off. This can be very disconcerting to a client who
might then feel alienated.
12) PLACATING - you want to be nice, to be loved and appreciated by your
clients, so you agree with everything.
13) BOMBARDING - you impose unnecessary methods or skills onto your client
to impress them - examining them, taking blood pressure, using fancy medical
equipment, etc. You want your client to believe you are more practised that
what you really are, a way of overcoming an actual lack of confidence or a
show of arrogance.
Hopefully useful,
best wishes, Joy Lucas