Minutus

On 6/12/2007 I send question to this list regarding a male patient with
"periodical severe kidney region pain, mainly left", and there were some
remedy suggestions for that (thank you).
Now, we are about a year later, and also a number of possible diagnoses,
and about a week ago his wife told him she wants a divorce (after about
30 years of marriage). And he says - "I did not see this coming".
Earlier, he was specifically questioned about the relationship with his
wife, and he said: "no problem". Now, his wife says: "I've been
following him in what he wants to do and achieve for the past 30 years,
virtually without questions asked, but now it's enough, I want things my
way, and achieve my goals my way."
So, just as a reminder, if ever you see a patient with (severe) kidney
problems, dive in deep, because it may very well be you are being
deceived (deliberately, or undeliberately) regarding marital (and
possibly other) relationships.
If you hear 'kidney', think of 'relations', and question unilateral 'no
problem' statements.

BR,

Hennie

Dear Hennie,

He must be doing something different to get this response from his wife after 30 years of marriage.
Best,
Ellen

On Sat, Dec 27, 2008 at 10:53 AM, Ellen Madono > wrote:
I think the answer that nothing is happening in the marriage smell strongly of evasion or insensitivity. Really do you think kidney problems is a total explanation. Chinese medicine says the kidney meridian is good at starting thing and not so good at follow up, structuring action, or details. Meditative, dark, emotional.

Funny how we bring our own experience to cases. If I were to see periodical kidney (flank) pain, I'd think possibly undiagnosed IgA Nephropathy, or perhaps kidney gravel that might be remedied by dietary changes. But that's because of my experience with kidney disease, especially IgAN. On a metaphorical level, a calculus is a type of walling-off, which this man seems to have done on a number of levels. I'd be suspicious of any guy (or gal) who dismissed his or her marriage with an airy "no problem"! That's all they have to say about someone who's been their partner for many years?
Peace,
Dale

What's the reason for assuming it's his problem (insensitivity, or
change in something) rather than hers? If his way of doing things
bugged her so much for 30 years, did she ever *say* anything about it?
Sure one could say "He should have noticed," but really some people
(and statistically, esp. men) are not such good "noticers", and some
people are very diligent about denial and pretending. Why assume it's
his problem, at least without hearing more from her? Sounds like he
was *fine* with the way things were, and she wasn't. If she stuffed it
for 30 years rather than talk to him about it, is that really his
fault??
Curious,
Shannon