1) Incest 2) Feminine healing wisdom
Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2002 4:56 am
Nancy said:
"Incest is a phenomenon focused on the issue of power and domination,
enacted in every single class of society. There have always been
institutions in our society which enforce the idea that women's experience
of abuse throughout their lives (spousal abuse, incest, rape, sexism, etc)
are all non-existent, all "made up". I believe what I see and hear in my
consulting room: the alarmingly widespread occurence of incest impacts
women and children from every background, every economic class, every race
in our (patriarchal) culture...when I hear the media make light of this and
dismiss women and children who tell of their experiences, I take their
"dismissal" with a grain of salt. After all, what do people stand to gain
from telling people they experienced something so painful? Why would anyone
make such a thing up, when it carries such a massive, punishing stigma?"
Dear Nancy,
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your understanding of these
issues. One person's understanding affects everyone who suffers from such
abuse, I'm sure of it!
As an incest survivor (my father abused me and and least one of my sisters
in early childhood), I was deeply shocked when I first told my family about
what had happened, and was met with rage and disbelief, especially by my
mother and one brother. (He advised me to walk myself to the nearest mental
hospital and check myself in.)
After much research and therapy, I have come to profound healing, and an
understanding of the various dynamics involved in family and societal denial
of incest. One friend of mine was raped savagely by her father when she was
seven years old. (She has had serious problems in her hips since then
because of the attack, and had to have hip replacement surgery last year at
less than 50 years old.) Her mother came in, saw all the blood and agony,
and started to run out of the house for help. Then she suddenly stopped,
seeming to consider the probable outcome of telling others, came back and
cleaned her daughter up, and acted as if nothing had happened. It was never
discussed. My friend was treated like damaged goods after that, and the
mother watched the father like a hawk.
I believe now that incest violates such primal taboos that it is very
difficult to hold it in the rational mind. It seems as if people's fuses
truly get blown. They almost have to deny the incidence of incest to
preserve their sanity.
This is a long story. My recommendation to everyone is simply to look more
deeply at such issues, and "take with a grain of salt", as Nancy says, the
dismissal of reported abuse.
Blessings,
Charlotte
Sheila wrote:
"must reading about incest is jeffrey masson: assault on truth. he had
worked in the freud archives for some time and found that freud had totally
lied about incest, that it was not the children that were wanting to have
sex with their parents but the parents that were wanting to have sex with
their children and were doing so. freud was told that he would be drummed
out of psychoanalytic circles if he told this truth, so he lied. when
masson told the truth, he indeed was drummed out of psychoanalytic circles."
and
"the false memory
foundation is the insitutionalized version of those adults - parents,
religious people, teachers, etc. - who say incest is all made up, suggested
by therapists, etc. in fact, it was women incest survivors who taught
therapists about incest, not therapists who suggested the memories to them."
Amen, Sheila! It's very revealing to realize who are the most vocal
attackers of those publicizing abuse.
Charlotte
Lynn wrote:
" We
need to look to the past to fully understand what was lost with the
discrediting of the feminine divine and all her "Mother wisdom" (among
other traits). We need to look to the past to understand the true
sensibilities of the feminine (distorted for so long) if we are, as
healers, to facilitate 1/2 of our pts living to the fullness of their
promise.
Women are also developing more natural, softer and healthier options
for the process of dying."
This is so beautiful, Lynn. It brought tears to my eyes.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"Incest is a phenomenon focused on the issue of power and domination,
enacted in every single class of society. There have always been
institutions in our society which enforce the idea that women's experience
of abuse throughout their lives (spousal abuse, incest, rape, sexism, etc)
are all non-existent, all "made up". I believe what I see and hear in my
consulting room: the alarmingly widespread occurence of incest impacts
women and children from every background, every economic class, every race
in our (patriarchal) culture...when I hear the media make light of this and
dismiss women and children who tell of their experiences, I take their
"dismissal" with a grain of salt. After all, what do people stand to gain
from telling people they experienced something so painful? Why would anyone
make such a thing up, when it carries such a massive, punishing stigma?"
Dear Nancy,
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your understanding of these
issues. One person's understanding affects everyone who suffers from such
abuse, I'm sure of it!
As an incest survivor (my father abused me and and least one of my sisters
in early childhood), I was deeply shocked when I first told my family about
what had happened, and was met with rage and disbelief, especially by my
mother and one brother. (He advised me to walk myself to the nearest mental
hospital and check myself in.)
After much research and therapy, I have come to profound healing, and an
understanding of the various dynamics involved in family and societal denial
of incest. One friend of mine was raped savagely by her father when she was
seven years old. (She has had serious problems in her hips since then
because of the attack, and had to have hip replacement surgery last year at
less than 50 years old.) Her mother came in, saw all the blood and agony,
and started to run out of the house for help. Then she suddenly stopped,
seeming to consider the probable outcome of telling others, came back and
cleaned her daughter up, and acted as if nothing had happened. It was never
discussed. My friend was treated like damaged goods after that, and the
mother watched the father like a hawk.
I believe now that incest violates such primal taboos that it is very
difficult to hold it in the rational mind. It seems as if people's fuses
truly get blown. They almost have to deny the incidence of incest to
preserve their sanity.
This is a long story. My recommendation to everyone is simply to look more
deeply at such issues, and "take with a grain of salt", as Nancy says, the
dismissal of reported abuse.
Blessings,
Charlotte
Sheila wrote:
"must reading about incest is jeffrey masson: assault on truth. he had
worked in the freud archives for some time and found that freud had totally
lied about incest, that it was not the children that were wanting to have
sex with their parents but the parents that were wanting to have sex with
their children and were doing so. freud was told that he would be drummed
out of psychoanalytic circles if he told this truth, so he lied. when
masson told the truth, he indeed was drummed out of psychoanalytic circles."
and
"the false memory
foundation is the insitutionalized version of those adults - parents,
religious people, teachers, etc. - who say incest is all made up, suggested
by therapists, etc. in fact, it was women incest survivors who taught
therapists about incest, not therapists who suggested the memories to them."
Amen, Sheila! It's very revealing to realize who are the most vocal
attackers of those publicizing abuse.
Charlotte
Lynn wrote:
" We
need to look to the past to fully understand what was lost with the
discrediting of the feminine divine and all her "Mother wisdom" (among
other traits). We need to look to the past to understand the true
sensibilities of the feminine (distorted for so long) if we are, as
healers, to facilitate 1/2 of our pts living to the fullness of their
promise.
Women are also developing more natural, softer and healthier options
for the process of dying."
This is so beautiful, Lynn. It brought tears to my eyes.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]