SALMON
A 40yr old woman.
FIRST CONSULTATION: 28/09/97
APPEARANCE: Dark, tall, thin with a dusky face. Prominent eyes and mouth with dark areas around the eyes. Bit of a saddle over the nose. Looked extremely tired
PRESENTS: Chronic exhaustion.
CASE:
'Can you give me a magic pill. Physically I'm not on a par with my spirituality'.
'Suffer from tiredness a lot. Chronically exhausted since 12yrs old and an operation for quinsy'.
'Ended up on the road and then in hospital. Had a kid a year later which exhausted me, but that's not the main problem. I've kept energy up, doing things I need to do instead of ending up in depressive holes. I'm a person of extremes, more positive than negative'
If this case seems all over the place so far that is how she gave it. With a lot of gestures, almost dancing about the place. She didn't strike me as very earthed, so watched the show and waited.
'I feel really guilty as a mother, know I'm trying my best but (starts crying).
If I was up a mountain I'd shake it off and really soar, but here I'm not in my waters'.
'Being insecure about everything else felt guilty as a Mum not doing it right'.
Q. Guilty?
'Know it's a waste of energy, I shun the idea of guilt as hate any trip that puts anyone in that position. Don't know what it is about guilt. Felt a failure to my parents is part of it. Everything I must do is for the kids, feel most guilt if failing them. Feel guilty for feeling low. For not performing in a positive way for the kids in our life. I don't know'.
Q. What do you mean by 'in my waters'?
'In your environment, in your land. Feels great, a lot more comfortable rather than a fish out of water. This is not the right place to be. More likely to feel wobbly, tearful as if something is wrong'.
'Feel guilty for my children but know it's a load of crap. Taking the kids out of school has half the town tutting and blah blah (as if being sick). Don't have to explain myself to my friends'.
'Why do I seem to have things I wouldn't have chosen? Three kids by different fathers and no solid relationship. Couldn't have chosen all the things that caused a lot of pain over the years. I can't say I didn't choose, I did. Living in the woods and there happened to be a man there, then there were 2 children, sounds so lunched out'.
'Most mothers would say did I do right, did I do right. I feel I didn't do right at the end of the day. Be easier for my Dad and me if I'd done things'.
Q. What is it about mountains that makes them important for you?
'There is a community there. Relationship with other people up there is sound and nice. If something happened to me their lives aren't going to be. One of the main things is that they'd have a place to carry on. I'd hate it if they had to go to aunts and uncles'.
Q. Why?
'I've always been on my own. Feel sharing children and sharing things more healthy way to live. Gone through it on my own but wonder can I keep it all floating by myself. Used to feel shaky, could I? Fear of not doing it right and the worst would happen. I'd no longer be in control of taking care of my children'.
Q. The tiredness?
'Get more tired in the evening, go to bed at 9pm shattered at the end of each day. Smoking keeps me going - herb. It's like a draining of energy. I feel it in my eyes and know when I look more black eyed than usual. Can't bear shoes on by the end of the evening and across your cheekbones there's tightness' (points across nose).
'Sitting around feeling bad is a luxury, feel guilty. Parents were very straight and sent me to boarding school. Do things in order is way of things. They were very good, gave me a lot of leeway but 'what are you going to do - what job' attitude. Having kids lets you off the hook'.
Then went through enquiry form. At 28yrs the glands in her throat had swollen so that she couldn't speak. Inflammation doubled, blocked the throat which led to an operation. 'Tremendous pain, I was out on pain'. The growth was cut away from the back of the throat. 'Sore ache took over'.
Asthma for the duration of first pregnancy, during the second pregnancy. Also a hacking cough, > (AS).
Depressive holes, 'not for a long time' (AS).
Person of extremes (US).
Guilty > (AS).
Insecure > (AS).
Wobbly, tearful as if something wrong (CS).
Opinion of others, 'now shout who the fuck are you to tell me, shut your face' (CS).
No solid relationship, 'better not to have one at all' (AS).
Did I do right, 'nothing I can do about that, can't keep flogging a dead horse' (AS).
Can I keep it all floating > (AS).
Eyes feel tired >>, 'not the same tired' (AS).
Memory, for things to do (US).
Concentration (US).
Pins and needles, 'not sure' (?).
Feel cold and am cold, 'feel cold easily but I'm not cold' (AS).
Bruise easily, 'not noticed so short of you hitting me' (?).
Periods, 'less heavy this time' (AS).
2 CS, 10AS, 2 US & 2 ?S.
Q. Anything else?
'Been very dreamy, rx was dreamfilled. Recurring one of my Mum, I wasn't allowed to show anger, she was and felt against her (>). War dreams, always had them, the frightening ones. I'm I hiding during the war and usually there are people looking for me. Sometimes with children in, sometimes not. Always a lot in it with the same feeling around protection'.
ANALYSIS:
Much improved. Still moving and changing. Can see that in the relationship stuff.
ACTION: No rx. Wait, told to contact me if need to or there is a return of S&S.
Rochelle Marsden
Registered Homeopath
www.southporthomeopathy.co.uk