anger repressed

[Pauline Ashford]

Dear Ellen I often find that as someone else said the 'fear of the fear' is
the greatest detractor to sorting out many problems.
If I suspect that people have repressed anger issues I will ask them what it
is about anger that they are fearful of? Often it is that they fear that
they cannot control it. This may or may not lead to a past incident where
they did not control their anger and there were consequences for it or they
saw it exhibited in another and saw or felt the ostracism or other response
that this brought to that person. I talk to them about anger being what I
call a second level emotion - it is a response to another emotion -
generally a core issue or fear and that uncovering and dealing with this
core issue is mostly the way to collapse the anger. As it is a response then
anger can be channelled in many healthier ways - that anger is not
necessarily to feared - it is a normal human response and in many cases
valid. (they need to feel this valisity at times or they feel they are 'bad'
or wrong. It is just how we deal with this anger that makes the difference.
Take them thru the possible ways of expressing or dealing with anger
(acceptable or not) - get them to come up with them so they have to
'personalise' it to a certain extent - and then help them put in place some
strategies to deal with it. The biggest fear is usually that it will rise
and they wont know what to do and will end up striking out emotionally or
physically. If they have a plan of action it is not so scary. I also tell
them that part of my job is to be their 'sounding board' if you need to let
off steam come to a place they feel safe (physically and via our
confidentiality - emotionally also) "better out than in" so to speak . Often
just speaking out their anger and frustration can defuse it. I now also
(since Rochelle put me onto it) teach them some EFT. It is a tangible and
physical plan of action at times when they are not sure if they can cope -
and at times gives the time to allow the physical responses to anger to
defuse somewhat and some reason to return.
Anger is normal and natural, it is how we express it that makes the
difference - but for health it must be acknowledged and not suppressed and
somatised.
We need to accept it as a natural response in our selves at times.
This philosophy has come from much self analysis and help from others as I
"grew up " to become a Homeopath. My constitutional remedy is Nit ac. The
power of the right remedy to solve the core issue and thereby relieve you
from the second level emotions should never be underestimated. The Nit ac
resolved the underlying Fear of rejection (especially by those loved most)
and the anxiety that that caused - once the anxiety was gone - the fear that
I would be rejected if I showed my anger or disapproval - disappeared - I
stopped suppressing my anger and expressed it at the time while it was
'little' so to speak and then the fear that Mt Vesuvius might erupt if
pushed far enough disappeared as the molehills never got to be mountains and
all the while my physical symptoms began to disappear. I had to learn to
love myself even if I felt angry and know that I can could deal with it in a
socially acceptable manner. My interpersonal relationships also improved
marked at this time as other people 'knew' when I was upset - rather than
the 'mask' that covered the barely perceptible supression but made me
horribly angry in the tissues. I grew up in a religious background where one
was taught that anger was wrong and that we should forgive and turn the
other cheek. What no one told me was it is only the uncontrolled expression
of anger that is wrong to feel anger is to be human.
Regards Pauline