My concern is the goal, not the perfection of achieving it.
There is a value involved here that is up for question. Coarsely
stated it seems to be whether it is acceptable for people to vent
their feelings in ways that are personally directed at others regardless
of whether they are respectful or not, or do we value a level of
respect and civility in our communications.
I do not find it difficult to voice my opinions while maintaining a
respectful attitude. My words may be a bit sharp, but I do work on
not attacking others, especially on a personal level. So, anticipating
some criticism of my comments, I am definitely not attempting to
shut anyone down from making their comments. It is simply how they
are made. Personally, I hold to this goal of saying what is on my mind
but trying to do it in a way that does not attack or diminish others.
t
From: Ellen Madono
Sent: Saturday, February 15, 2014 11:22 PM
To:
minutus@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [Minutus] RE: IMPORTANT! Please read!
Hi,
I too am emotionally invested in my ideas. Disengaging my emotional investment in ideas is not so easy. Even the idea that our professional conversations should be civil becomes an abstraction to become attached to. There is a paradox here. No simple escape to being on the right side is going to work.
What I am suggesting is we can look at our difficulties as having more significance than professional socialization. Of course that is important, but going through the process of disengaging our ego from ideas is really a constant effort. Ego gets in the way of clinical management as well. The problem is not so different.
So, instead of pointing out the "bad guys" etc., there is a place for reflection. You can't just do it this maneuvering of the spirit with your clients. It is a part of all communications, all the time. This is because disengaging the ego is not a one time deal. If you are alive, you have a ego waiting to take over if you allow it to do so. When it does take over, if you fight it, or start blaming, it just gets stronger. So, my feeling is, the best we can do is to continually say "Sit Rove.. Good dog. " Rover the ego will keep jumping up and we have to continually make an effort to return to the true focus of our efforts: healing.
If you are not one of the battling parties, still there has to be a better way of calming things down. Each individual needs to struggle with his/her ego, so I am not discounting individual responsibility. Still but we are a community, so even if we are good at escaping from battles, we can have much better conversations if we play some constructive role in taming the ego.
Even if you want no part in these Minutus battles, i am suggesting that we all make an effort to contact "warring parties" in small bits and peices and help one another to calm down. I have been saying things in public. At the moment, it feels ok to shoot from the hip. But on hindsight, probably I am not being helpful. I am busy and so is everyone else. We can't all be on a peace making mission all the time. But, when the spirit moves you, please say something helpful privately. I think the earlier the better. Before negative feelings escalate.
Ellen Madono