Re: some advice wanted
Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 4:24 pm
as with anyone of this age, there is a long history of life with its many foibles.
however, her current state of mind concerns not being able to live with this
physical disability. she is sick most of the year. cant breathe. constantly
coughs/spits up thick mucous from post nasal drip. has no energy. can't
even sit up to read. doesn't sleep (an ongoing, long term condition). she
has no energy. and it has just become overwhelming for her and she doesn't
know how much longer she can live like this.
it is often the case with people with long-term disability that prevents normative
functioning.
i find when i talk with her she usually feels a bit better. she will say that it is good
to talk with someone who listens and can understand what she is going through.
(i have my own disabilities that cause depression at times).
i think she fears rejection by friends due to her inability to do things in a normative way.
our relationship is mainly on the phone since most plans get interrupted by illness
reoccurring with her.. she will speak about this pain of rejection openly to me.
her husband is sympathetic but doesn't really understand. he is a decent sort but
doesn't really struggle with his own conditions and just accepts them (obesity and
diabetes)
fairly independent, but in many ways not. she relies on her husband to bolster her
sense of security in a major way.
money is always a major concern/anxiety. she feels that she should have had much
more money and security in life than she has. while she will 'treat' herself to an art
book, spending money on health care is avoided. she relies on her health plan which
limits who she can see and what services are available.
anxiety for health is a big part of her life. in all the years i have known her, she is always
going through some medical crises. ibs recurs periodically which is also limiting to her
ability to leave the house and function well in the world.
she was a therapist and retired a few years ago due to her physical problems which
disrupted her ability to maintain a schedule. she has also quit teaching at the local
college for the same reason.
i always found her willing to take on challenges if it was something she really was interested
in. for example, she would become extremely anxious at putting a new course together, often
with little advance notice, but she would do it, and apparently do it well. however, she wont
try to drive a car or try new healing modalities. it strikes me that things that have to do with
her personal betterment, physically, she will resist. she is very afraid to change her
patterns of eating regarding her ibs, limiting her food stuff significantly.
her childhood was not the greatest, nor the worst. her mother was bi-polar and never
really there for her. she identified strongly with her father, a dentist, who did a lot of
pro-bono work and didn't make the amount of income of her relatives and the family
expectation. she says money is about security, but i suspect it is also about social
status.
notably, she has had relationships with financially successful men, but rejected those
relationships. her husband of many years now, was a non-worker for many years and
she felt put upon to have to be the support of the family. things have reversed now, but
his income just gets them by and so she plays out the anxiety about financial security
with a real situation.
she is a very honorable and honest person. is very clear thinking and makes decisions
without extended angst. she will call to talk through a problem and after a relatively short
amount of time will decide what to do. so i dont see her holding onto things. but she will
express deep hurt if she feels not understood or treated sensatively. and will directly
reject a relationship if it is not meeting her needs. i see this as a healthy process.
this in summary is what i can offer at this time.
tanya
however, her current state of mind concerns not being able to live with this
physical disability. she is sick most of the year. cant breathe. constantly
coughs/spits up thick mucous from post nasal drip. has no energy. can't
even sit up to read. doesn't sleep (an ongoing, long term condition). she
has no energy. and it has just become overwhelming for her and she doesn't
know how much longer she can live like this.
it is often the case with people with long-term disability that prevents normative
functioning.
i find when i talk with her she usually feels a bit better. she will say that it is good
to talk with someone who listens and can understand what she is going through.
(i have my own disabilities that cause depression at times).
i think she fears rejection by friends due to her inability to do things in a normative way.
our relationship is mainly on the phone since most plans get interrupted by illness
reoccurring with her.. she will speak about this pain of rejection openly to me.
her husband is sympathetic but doesn't really understand. he is a decent sort but
doesn't really struggle with his own conditions and just accepts them (obesity and
diabetes)
fairly independent, but in many ways not. she relies on her husband to bolster her
sense of security in a major way.
money is always a major concern/anxiety. she feels that she should have had much
more money and security in life than she has. while she will 'treat' herself to an art
book, spending money on health care is avoided. she relies on her health plan which
limits who she can see and what services are available.
anxiety for health is a big part of her life. in all the years i have known her, she is always
going through some medical crises. ibs recurs periodically which is also limiting to her
ability to leave the house and function well in the world.
she was a therapist and retired a few years ago due to her physical problems which
disrupted her ability to maintain a schedule. she has also quit teaching at the local
college for the same reason.
i always found her willing to take on challenges if it was something she really was interested
in. for example, she would become extremely anxious at putting a new course together, often
with little advance notice, but she would do it, and apparently do it well. however, she wont
try to drive a car or try new healing modalities. it strikes me that things that have to do with
her personal betterment, physically, she will resist. she is very afraid to change her
patterns of eating regarding her ibs, limiting her food stuff significantly.
her childhood was not the greatest, nor the worst. her mother was bi-polar and never
really there for her. she identified strongly with her father, a dentist, who did a lot of
pro-bono work and didn't make the amount of income of her relatives and the family
expectation. she says money is about security, but i suspect it is also about social
status.
notably, she has had relationships with financially successful men, but rejected those
relationships. her husband of many years now, was a non-worker for many years and
she felt put upon to have to be the support of the family. things have reversed now, but
his income just gets them by and so she plays out the anxiety about financial security
with a real situation.
she is a very honorable and honest person. is very clear thinking and makes decisions
without extended angst. she will call to talk through a problem and after a relatively short
amount of time will decide what to do. so i dont see her holding onto things. but she will
express deep hurt if she feels not understood or treated sensatively. and will directly
reject a relationship if it is not meeting her needs. i see this as a healthy process.
this in summary is what i can offer at this time.
tanya